Bigger Blessings

God Delights in RIGHT Behavior

2011-12-09T09:33:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to share (pass along) a story from someone precious to me.

Her name is Vivi. I skype with her every Saturday morning and we share what's great, as well as what's not so great, with each other. I know she thinks I'm encouraging her (I'm old enough to be her mom) but I must share that her life and her observations encourage me in GREAT ways!

Vivi is studying at University in Germany to be a physical therapist. She is learning about proper movement and motion and the RIGHT use of muscles, etc.

Last Saturday she told this story:

Vivi said that she's been spending some time in a children's hospital observing children whose illnesses have taken away the ability for them to move properly.

After much observation, she shared that she had become a bit weary and discouraged watching these children try to navigate.

Then, in an unusual turn of events. she was asked to babysit a visiting sibling of a child who was ill while that child was taken from their room for testing. So, she sat and watched and played with the healthy sibling.

She shared with me that she found herself DELIGHTING in the movements of the healthy child. She had been watching so many children who could not move in age-appropriate ways, that watching this healthy child made her heart soar and put a sweet smile on her face. (She didn't say "sweet smile"; I added that because Vivi's smile is one of the sweetest I've seen).

It was in that moment, Vivi shared, that she realized a tiny bit of the DELIGHT that God, our Father, feels when He watches us move in a RIGHT way, free from sin. She felt excited and joyous at the thought that our RIGHT moves could DELIGHT God in much the way OR MORE than she felt watching the healthy child.

Here's the thing: Sin corrupts our RIGHT movements just as illness corrupts the movements of the children Vivi was observing in that hospital. And God's heart is grieved when our movements are corrupted by sin.

What's important? The children in that hospital did not choose their illness. They would NOT choose their illness. They have no choice. But WE HAVE A CHOICE! We can choose to walk away from sin, accept the healing protection that a life with Jesus offers, and begin to move in a RIGHT way.

And we'll feel the joyous DELIGHT of God.

Peer Pressure

2011-07-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

What do you think of first when I say, "Don't give in to peer pressure"?

Your first thought immediately goes to teenagers. Am I right?

Turns out, peer pressure might begin during our teenage years; but it CERTAINLY doesn't end there!

I learned years ago, through the wonders of Myers-Briggs, that my personality type is called ISTJ. Should you desire, here is more about Myers-Briggs and more about this personality type: Myers-Briggs ISTJ I notice here that the ISTJ personality is called the Duty Fulfiller. I also learn that I have a need to decide based on facts and EVIDENCE.

This precious season of my life, what I am facing right now, brings much peer pressure. People who are PRECIOUS to me are making decisions that don't match my decisions. They are making decisions using EVIDENCE that the Lord has simply NOT provided to me.

It's important to say that those dear to me are not making BAD decisions; they're just feeling led to choose DIFFERENTLY. Our paths diverge.

The temptation to decide as they have decided, and cling to them because they are precious, is tremendous and overwhelming.

What is the over-riding voice of this temptation?

What voice do I hear in my head?

It sounds like this: "They MUST know something you don't know!! You NEED to find out what they know so that you can turn the same direction that they are turning...before it's too late! Demand their EVIDENCE!"

The voice carries with it two senses: one of conspiracy and the other of urgency. This voice is NOT the voice of my Lord. Jesus doesn't speak to me this way. There is an enemy to my soul, who continually lies to me, who speaks this way.

How easy it would be to give in to this voice! Simple. Quick. And, sadly, there would be LOADS of loving support from those around me as I turned to join this small crowd.

But I choose, instead, the way set before me by Jesus Himself. The difficult way. Complex. Slow. And, sadly, many of those around me might find themselves confused.

This morning, during a short quiet time, I was reminded why I must choose this way.

In Proverbs 3:3 (just before the famous 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."verse) we find that Solomon, easily the richest and wisest man to walk the earth to this day (move over Bill Gates), providing this wisdom:

"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thy heart."

You can read more about this verse here: Proverbs 3:3

My favorite part of the human commentary on this verse is when the commentary writer encourages us to "reckon it as your greatest honour, glory, and beauty, that you steadfastly adhere to these things" and continues on to say that "nothing makes a believer look more lovely in conversation than a close regard to the truths of Christ, and a constant walking in his ordinances."

At our New Harvest Church there is a steel beam holding up the entrance to the lobby. These words are cut into the metal of that beam: Jesus Full of Grace and Truth.

Hundreds of years after Solomon encourages us to wear grace and truth around our necks like a beautiful scarf for all to see and admire, Jesus arrives to say, "I AM the way and the truth and the life..." (John 14:6)

Today, as I wrap myself in "mercy and truth" I ask Jesus to provide the determination that I will NOT look to the left or the right (Joshua 1:7) and I will fully depend on Him to provide every bit of EVIDENCE I need to make the decisions that HE ALONE wants me to make.

All I've ever wanted is that my life would stand in testimony of His Goodness, Mercy and Truth and leave a legacy of loving and following Him.

Even when those around me are making seemingly "good" decisions that tempt me to join; I will rely on Jesus to provide me with His BEST!

Dogged Determined Devotion

2011-03-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today, I've noticed that I've had more regular thoughts of gratitude about my dog Charley.

I just love him. He's special to me because he came to me after prayer as a delight to my heart.

He's special to me because he once belonged to a friend and mentor, Rose MacAlpine.

He's also special to me because, in so many ways, he's a good and faithful dog.

On Fridays, because my workweek begins on Sunday, I take Sabbath rest. Today, I was curling up on the couch to have quiet time and, of course, Charley was absolutely thrilled that he would be able to curl up next to me.

Then, I forgot my pen. I got up and, although I told Charley to stay put, he was SO anxious to be wherever I was...he followed me. After I got settled again and realized I forgot my iPhone. Before you dismiss this as ridiculous (why does she need her iPhone during quiet time?) know that I subscribe to devotionals that are sent to my iPhone so I can hear the Word anywhere and anytime. So I went downstairs and, although Charley really wanted to continue his cuddle time on the couch, he followed me...just in case I wasn't coming back. When I returned, he hopped up ready again to snuggle and nap.

So, I opened my journal and first asked God what He wanted me to consider today. And, again, my mind focused on Charley as I felt wonderful gratitude for him.

I worried that I might be horribly distracted; but then I realized then that it was Charley and Charley's attitude that God wanted me to consider in my heart and mind.

My friend Greg Swan encouraged me to read a favorite book of his, 'Dog and Cat Theology.' The book contrasts how dogs and cats relate to their owners. A dog says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, you must be God.' A cat says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God.' The authors Bob Sjogren and Gerald Robison encourage us to consider the God-given traits of cats ('you exist to serve me') and dogs ('I exist to serve you') to challenge our own attitudes about our relationship to God.

So here I am, telling God what I notice about Charley and observing the attitude that God is gently asking me to adopt and embrace.

Charley is pretty much singularly focused. He eats and drinks to survive and he does his level best to go outside to poop; (that's another story, entirely) but truly his world revolves around that next moment that he might get to spend with his master.

Charley is not content to just know that his master exists and is somewhere in our home. Charley MUST be WITH his master.

Charley's ideal location is touching his master. If I am sitting on the couch, Charley does everything possible to be lying next to me. If I am using the computer, Charley hogs the chair so that he can be WITH me. (Here is a picture of Charley waiting for me to return to my computer time.) If he gets too warm, he moves a further distance away; but remains where he can see me.

This is a picture of dogged (yes, pun intended) determined devotion.

And I must say as I sit here in my chair typing away I feel Charley's breaths become long and full and I observe that being with his master must be the place where Charley feels most peaceful. I really do think his "joy is complete" John 15:11

Charley's chief concern in life is abiding with his master. And when our family is away at work and school, I imagine that he looks forward to the next moment he can abide.

And now I realize why God would ask me to look closer at Charley.

I find myself convicted that dogged determined devotion is not always the picture of my life.

And I praise God that He is patient and kind and shows me these pictures of what my life can be by abiding.

I remember that I spend a lot of time in "do-do". Not Charley's kind, but the kind where I run around trying to please God by what I DO for Him instead of waiting for Him to show me where He is and simply being WITH Him. (see John 15)

Wow.

And what about Charley's master? What can be observed and recorded as I think about my relationship with Charley?

I love Charley. It's a deep love. Pet owners understand this love. Those who have not chosen to have pets generally don't understand the depth of this love. And some who have not chosen to enter into this kind of relationship make fun of this love. This makes me want to encourage more people to become pet owners.

I want the best for Charley.

I smile just thinking about him. I talk about him. My friend Jeanette and I trade stories about our Charley dogs (she has a small dog named Charley, too.

When Charley obeys, my smile widens and I say to him "good dog". It's clear that when I call Charley "good dog" he feels greater contentment.

When Charley does not obey, I feel disappointment. I try to clean up the resulting mess. (There is almost always a mess associated with Charley's disobedience) Sometimes the mess is un-fixable and it serves as a constant reminder of Charley's disobedience; but it doesn't change how deeply I love him.

Instead, Charley's disobedience makes me want to spend more time teaching him how to behave, praising his obedience and pointing out the peace that results from his obedience.

I'm grateful that He loves me (His love is DEEP and difficult for those who do not know Him to understand) and I realize how much He wants me to abide with him. I realize how much I want EVERYONE to know and experience this love. (see Romans 10:13)

He wants the best for me. (see Jeremiah 29:11)

I think about how my breathing is short and shallow when I am in "do-do" mode and how I am at "perfect peace" (see Isaiah 26:3) when I am in super close proximity to where God is at work and I am focused on Him, ready to serve.

And I think about the sweetness of someday being with Him and hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (see Matthew 25:23)

The Game of Tag and Home Base

2010-03-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

I was in prayer the other morning and a dear friend of mine, Kathy, was praying. She was thanking God for the small children she leads in her small group. She was describing their play while praying and I happily drifted into sweet pictures in my heart of children playing on a playground.

I thought back to the game most played at recess in the early years of school and saw these children playing tag. I could sweetly hear the giggles and squeals of joy as they ran around on the grass and blacktop chasing one another.

I could feel the thrill of running just fast enough to avoid the tag of the friend who was "IT" and reaching "home base" (usually a big strong tree) touching it, and shouting "SAFE!" At that, the person who was "IT", would run away to pursue someone else and I would have a break to plan where to run next.

At this point in my prayer experience, I heard a voice inside me say, "I'm Home Base, you know."

My first reaction? I prayed, "Huh?"

Honestly, I can be slow and stubborn, more often than not. I usually have to ask the voice to repeat Himself.

And the voice said, "I'm THE place to run to. I'm Home Base!"

This made me think more deeply about the concept of "home base" and playing tag.

I remembered that, once we were upper graders, we wise-in-our-own-eyes children decided that "home base" was a crutch for the slow ones. We even decided that the game would be more fun played without a "home base". We decided we needed the excitement of running after one another without a safety net. Yes, it was much more exciting this way; yet also SO MUCH more terrifying.

I also remember the year that I quit playing. The other kids were faster than I was; and they knew that if they tagged me, I would remain "IT" for the entire recess. It was thrilling for them; it was defeating for me. I switched to jump rope.

These thoughts now caused me to think about growing up and becoming adults; and how so many of us deny one another (and ourselves) the wonderful, sweet safety of "Home Base". I hear people say things like, "That's just not reality." Or, "Life's just not that simple." Yet, I also hear many of these same adults long for the days of their childhood. They long for rest, a slower pace, a break.

G.K. Chesterson said, the Christian life has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Jesus IS Home Base. His protection and the assurance of an eternal life, love, joy and rest in Him is EXACTLY what we need!!

When we're out there "running around" and "going after" one another, trying to be "one step ahead" of the guy who's "IT", don't we long for a place we can run to...and touch...and call, "Safe"? Many adults hang their hopes on finding this safe rest in a vacation. And yet, those same adults return from their vacation tired, long-faced, and even more desperate, or even defeated, desiring just to quit.

Well, I can share in complete transparent honesty that "Home Base" is Real. "Home Base" is Necessary. Home Base is Available. And Home Base is the Warmest, Most Wonderful place I've ever been. I've found life, love, joy and rest in the Christian life and being Jesus' disciple.

And my trips away from the base of that Tree have become fewer and fewer. I prefer to stay close to the Tree and listen. I respond. I embrace. And I rest. And I know that death is not final for me or for any in my sweet family. I no longer have to look over my shoulder in sheer terror, wondering when I'll be tagged next and will run around feeling completely exhausted. I'm SAFE.

Are you SAFE?

Where have I been?

2009-12-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

I got lost for a bit.

Thankfully, God shows us a picture (in Matthew 18:12) of how He will leave the 99 in search of the 1 that's lost to bring that one back.

The minute I saw Him I ran back!!

I discovered something important this week: I already knew the feeling of God's pleasure when I serve Him using my gifts. I live for that. What I didn't know was that I am lost from the feeling of His pleasure when I rest.

Does He want me to rest? You bet!! He says so in His Word. He says, (in Matthew 11:28) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. He doesn't say, "Come to me and I'll give you more to do because I'm happiest when you're hard at work." There's no record of that in His Word anywhere.

I returned from our vacation spewing (good word, huh?) platitudes (wow, I'm on a roll!) about how God was not evident on our cruise ship or at the various ports of call and I felt homesick for Him. This oozed ridiculous religiousity.

Gratefully, He didn't allow me to continue with this line of thinking. Next thing I knew, He was asking me to confront my thinking and compare it to Him.

In case this feeling is foreign to you, it feels like the worst kind of dread when I encounter it. I pray that He will keep me close to Him and He does. So, when I run out from under His covering, I feel dreadful. That feeling of dread causes me to look immediately to the paths I've been most recently travelling and evaluate them in His Light.

I had coffee with my friend Dzovig. She's a sweet, faithful barracuda. If you don't have a friend like her, get one!! I spewed my platitudes to her; but she wasn't buying it for a minute. She asked something like, "If working with God feels good, why aren't you also feeling good resting with God?"

I walked around feeling dreadful for a bit longer, aware that Dzovig had touched on something, but still not knowing what to do. I walked into work after taking an extra day off and began to cry. The faces of my coworkers and the works that awaited me were tender and wonderful.

One precious coworker waited days and then asked me, "Hey friend, how are you doing?" It wasn't one of those times to say, "Fine, thanks." That's not the answer Kelly is looking for when he asks. I couldn't answer; instead, I just cried. We prayed together, asking the Spirit to reveal His message for me and, faithfully, the Spirit did not disappoint.

It is MY joy to rest WITH God...my job to look for him and stay close to Him wherever and whatever He has me doing. I didn't even realize that I saw rest as something you go away from God and do. How do you "do" rest anyway, right?

WOW! That seems like a simple truth; but it was not how I was living my life. Thanks to the 'Experiencing God' Bible study, I see God as Supreme and always at work. I see my privilege as one of joining Him in His work. What I didn't know is that I got lost thinking that when I needed a break, I needed to go away from Him.

What a putz!! Is that how you spell it? The dictionary didn't like it; but I'll bet you understand exactly what I'm saying.

I share this with you because you are precious to me and maybe this will bless you.

I shared this "place" I was in with my boss. Greg. He shared a section from a book I highly recommend, "Leadership Prayers" by Richard Kriegbaum. This book, with the wisdom embedded in prayers, will transform you! On page 54 there was a prayer calling out the phrase, "I tried to go beyond the strength you gave and I have exhausted myself."

Clearly, if God promises rest in His word, with the command "Come to me" it is wise to rest WITH Him so that He will give all the strength needed for the next (or continuing) journey.

Ah, lesson discovered! Now to pray for real-life application...

I've begun a more in depth search of the Word for truths I missed before. One truth that I love, that I quote often is from Solomon. After being the richest and smartest (watch out Bill Gates) man to have ever lived, Solomon shares his greatest truth. He says, "Above all else, keep a vigilant watch over your heart because that's where life starts." I share this with my children on a daily basis. There are so many unknowing people and situations being used by the Enemy to attack our sweet hearts. We must guard them!

Today, in my quest to read through the entire Bible in a year, I read through 1Peter.

And then (in 1Peter 4:8) Peter says, "Above all..." That got my attention immediately!

Peter's a man I can definitely relate to even more closely than to Solomon. Peter was a simple fisherman called by Jesus. Peter said, "Yes" and then made LOTS of recorded mistakes, all the while continuing in his desire to follow Jesus.

Here's what Peter said as he shared his "above all" truth.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

I share this with you today after taking this morning to begin a new journey of discovering how it feels to rest WITH God feeling completely refreshed. Join me?

Proof of Blessing

2009-10-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Was reading yesterday about Thomas, the doubter. I like him. He was honest without being disrespectful.

He wanted PROOF that Christ had risen. While everyone was excitedly talking about seeing Jesus after being buried, Thomas asked specifically to put his hands where the nails had penetrated Jesus' hands. He even asked to put his hands INTO the wound in His side. Ew!

But honestly, I understand Thomas. I like proof, too.

But Jesus said something, after providing proof, that knocked me down yesterday as I read it.

After Jesus gives Thomas EXACTLY what he asked and Thomas has his proof, Jesus says, "You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me."

At first blush, I read this as Jesus scolding Thomas. But I grew up being scolded and scolding others, so I have to ask God to give me fresh new eyes to read these words so that I can see the Message from His perspective. Why did He make these specific Words a part of His Living Message?

After asking this, I read it all again and found myself focused anew on the word "BLESSED".

I noticed that I had been reading it like it was an old English word, Bless-ed. Like it was inconsequential. With new eyes, I see that this word is VERY consequential.

The consequences are these:

You decide that you will believe without seeing. You decide that you will believe without proof. You decide to stop demanding and, instead, give your life over to follow Jesus fully.

And, in this one sentence (one tiny sentence) Jesus promises that He will retroactively BLESS your life.

Okay, doubters., imagine this: Your grandmother pulls you aside for a sweet moment when you turn 16. She says she's looked forward to this moment since you were born. Your grandmother looks into your eyes and tells you that, on the day you were born, a King came to stand beside your cradle. She tells you about this King's majesty, handsome beauty and soft kindness. Then she tells you a surprising, but exciting truth. The King traveled all this way to speak a blessing over your life. And she describes to you all the things this King spoke. He spoke over you that your life would be marked with greatness; but not according to this puny world's standards. He spoke gifts into your life that you would touch others with kind inspiration. He spoke that you would encounter many obstacles and heartaches; but you would not only overcome those, you would use them to comfort others. And finally this King spoke over you that while many things and people would try to enslave you and dominate you; your life would be marked with freedom: a peace and contentedness that defied all explanation.

So the REAL question is this: How would we live our lives if we all knew that there had been a profound blessing upon us at birth? I know that, if I had heard and believed this at age 16, there would be MORE wonderful stories to tell and fewer instances of vultures circling the skies over roadkill created by my poor choices.

Here's the Truth: When you choose to follow Christ (the King), no matter what age, it's as if He retroactively appears at the side of your cradle, adopts you as His own, speaks a blessing over your life that NOTHING will be wasted and gives you freedom to live in peace and contentedness according to His blessings.

"Blessed are those who believe without seeing me"

I'm experiencing a season of my life where the "roadkill" is being redeemed...changed...do I dare say resurrected to a new life? I don't say this to minimize Christ's sacrifice and victory; I use this word to show that His death and resurrection are Ongoing...Living and Life-Restoring. I chose at age 31 to "believe without seeing" and I am just amazed to encounter regular moments where something that felt terribly bad in my past (that I prefer and try unsuccessfully to forget) is placed before me and I'm given the BLESSING to make a new choice and receive new freedom and peace.

I haven't had the luxury that Thomas had of seeing, feeling and experiencing scientific proof; but I'm living a daily life that is all the proof I need!!

The JOY of Reconciliation

2009-09-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

What does Webster say about reconciliation?

Webster says it is the process of making consistent or compatible.

Nope. Once again, Webster fails at defining a word to match the effect it is causing in my heart right now.

I attended the Leadership Summit this year and heard Tim Keller speak about a topic that fascinates me. In his book, The Prodigal God, he unpacks the story of the Prodigal Son. I can't wait to read this book.

One of the things he said has stayed with me day to day, prayer to prayer. Tim Keller said that we often think of the prodigal son as the one who needs to repent of all his wrongdoing and return to the Father for forgiveness. But here's what got me: Tim Keller also said that we should also consider the older son and his need to repent of his rightdoing and return to the Father for forgiveness.

What?? Oh, now you're REALLY messing with everything I know to be "true"!!

The "truth" I was taught was: be good, do what's right all the time and things will work out and you'll have the best life.

So, "repent of my rightdoing" is like trying to speak German. I've tried. It hasn't worked well. They laugh at me. Really.

The light bulb went on the other day when school started again and I was faced with driving the boys to school. I am very proud of my good driving skills and my ability to follow directional arrows and interpret colors painted on curbs. This is not an area of pride, evidently, for many other Clovis North parents. Grace goes right out the window when I drive the "right" way in the drop-off pick-up zones. I had to really think about my motivations and admit that, at Clovis North (7:40am and 3:05pm) I would rather be "right" than gracious. That's NOT good!

And so I understand why God has placed this phrase front and center in my thoughts these days. There are many more joyful and triumphant rewards in being sensitive and grace-filled than in being in love with your "rightdoing". Wow.

In the last 5 days, I have witnessed (or been told about) BIG moves of God that each involve letting go of what's "right" and, instead, staying sensitive to His Holy Spirit.

I heard the story of a daughter who turned away from judging her mother's choices and, instead, dropped to her knees in prayer next to her sleeping mother and felt absolutely transformed. God did not transform the mother, He transformed the daughter and she repented of her "rightdoing".

I watched on Sunday morning as our church did baptism the "right" way. We baptized a woman at 9:00 and then two school-aged girls at 10:45. Each had thoughtfully prepared their testimony and it was shared with those who came to worship. It was beautiful, as always. But then our pastor, being sensitive to the Spirit of God, announced that ANYONE could now come and proclaim Christ for the first time, or they could come and be baptized as a proclamation of obedience as a Christ follower. What? In their street clothes? Where would they dry off? Would they go home dripping wet?

Seventy-nine people came forward on Sunday and, yes, in their street clothes stepped into the waters and were baptized.

Today, I called a precious woman who was once the best friend I had. She was the only one I think, besides my own mother, who was at both of my weddings. She held the left leg and Derek held the right leg as I gave birth to Blake. Precious.

It was her birthday yesterday. Today is the day after her birthday. Our hearts were knit together for so many years; but we'd drifted apart. I'm still not sure of all the reasons. We were united in so many different seasons of our lives. But, in the end, we had different philosophies about life and, maybe, had very little to talk about.

The "right" thing? Leave it alone! Why stir up old history? Your lives are different and full and no longer united. These are the "rightdoing" things that tried to kidnap my thinking. What did I do?

Well first, I went the "chicken" route. I decided to try to find her on Facebook again. I had tried before and never found her. She wasn't listed. Oh well.

Then, I had the feeling that I was not going to be able to concentrate on anything until I made the call. I looked her up on Zaba Search to be sure the phone number I had still matched. stalling.....

And then I called her. And it was busy. BUSY? Who has a busy signal anymore?

I called again a few minutes later. Still busy.

Then, I did the unexplainable. I called again. I can't tell you why except that I knew I was being sensitive to Someone Bigger than me. I also felt that my day was not going to come together until I did. Honestly, I thought I might leave a really lame (have you heard me leave messages?) day-late "Happy Birthday" message on her machine and call it "done".

But she answered. And it was SOOO great to hear her voice. I said something lame (I'm way better in writing than on the phone) and then she said the most amazing thing. She said, "This is a miracle. I'm facing a big battle in my life right now (cancer) and I have thought about you a lot. You know it's hard for me to say when I need something; but I need YOU and now [after maybe 10 years apart] you call. It's just a MIRACLE that you called."

We talked for a bit. Not long enough. We cried together and then I bawled like a baby after I hung up. She's going to call me again later today and I hope we'll talk more. If she needs me, I'm there!! No questions. No concerns about "rightdoing"

Oh yeah, I can't leave this part out of this amazing story. My friend became a follower of Christ about about twenty years ago. I was not Christian then. I had been born and raised Mormon and then had married Catholic and I was DONE with organized religion and people believing there's "more" to life. You've all heard this story.

Twenty years ago, when she shared her new love with me, I DID NOT support her. I mocked her and debated with her and when she stopped attending church due to something unfortunate and painful that happened associated with the church, I said, "I told you so!" And then I was fully supportive of her bitterness and disappointment.

Fast forward nearly a decade when I gave my life over to Christ. I told her about it. She was not excited. She didn't mock me and she wasn't rude; but she was clear that we had nothing in common in Christianity.

And then we drifted apart.

The best words I could ever imagine hearing today when I called her? As she was telling me about everything that had happened with her since we last talked, she said, "I'm back with the Lord."

God used me today (miracle that I can even be used) to show my friend that He is FAITHFUL to answer prayers and will provide everything we need and much of what we want when we align our wants with His will. What an honor!! My favorite thing to do is punch God's time clock and help in the work he doesn't even need me to help with!! And God showed me the miracle of how He brings even those, we think are the most unlikely, victoriously to Himself.

Reconciliation.

Being fussed over...

2009-07-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

As a mom, I understand what it is to "fuss over" a precious little one. Are they too hot? Are they too cold? Are they hungry? Do they need a diaper change? Well, the diaper changes are more of a distant memory; but "fussing" is what moms do.

Interesting that this idea was made large this week as I read from the book of Matthew 15 about Jesus feeding the 4,000. I have read this story many times; but a Fresh Perspective came over me as I read it this week.

I saw, in this passage, what wasn't said and enjoyed the picture of Jesus fussing over ME!

The story paints a picture of 4000 people in the middle of the wilderness about to become hungry.

The disciples, logical thinkers that they were, counted the food they had and let Jesus know that there was no way they could feed them. The story goes on to the miracle of the loaves and fishes and the people ate all they wanted and there was food left over.

What I missed in earlier readings is this: The story mentions that Jesus was "feeling sorry" that they had been there 3 days and had nothing left to eat. Jesus was concerned that the people were hungry. The story doesn't say that the people were groaning, whining and complaining that they were hungry.

I see Jesus doing 2 important things that have become precious to me:

1. He was thinking about the need that was coming...anticipating their needs....even before the need was presented in living color. He KNOWS what we need before a single hunger pain arrives. He said, "I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days, and they have nothing left to eat. I don't want to send them away hungry, or they will faint along the way."

2. And, just like we parents who like to reward our children for good choices, He placed a high priority on providing (even through supernatural means) for the needs of those people based on his unconditional love for them and through their selfless choice to stay with Him, even though they didn't have enough food.

I hadn't thought about it in depth before my reading this week. These people chose to stop whatever they were doing in their "normal" life and follow Jesus into the wilderness to hear Him and just be with Him.

Long before the advent of cars and ice chests, they probably packed a basket with food. They had no idea how long they would be there, yet they continued to choose to stay even after their food supply had run out.

Every time I've read this passage before, I've marveled at another of Jesus' miracles. Today, I'm in awe of 4,000 people who decided to stay.

They were making a Kingdom choice that made no earthly sense. And Jesus "fussed over" them and loved them and, ultimately, displayed the Father's Glory by providing all they needed supernaturally.

He rewarded their great choice with love, care, provision, GLORY and grace.

Today, I'm motivated and challenging myself to think about my choices. The truth is, I think that if I were among those 4,000, I would've left early to "beat the crowds" as soon as my earthly food supply ran out.

Oh, what I would've missed!! All in an effort to protect my own provision and needs. This choice of "staying with Jesus regardless of the surrounding circumstances" goes against every "common sense" lesson my parents taught me.

And yet, the TRUTH propels me forward in new and exciting ways!!

Priorities & God's Will

2009-06-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking today about a precious new friend Rosi and a priceless friend Tracy.

Both are facing big turning points in their lives. Both are making choices according to God's will for their lives. I admire them both so much.

A really common question these days is, "How do I know God's will for my life?" Or, for those without a faith and devotion to Jesus, they say, "Life feels like it's spinning out of control, how do I know the true priorities for my life?"

I cannot answer this in entirety; I'm a seeker, just like you. But I can share with you what I've discovered in my own life and now watch in the lives of my devoted friends.

Years ago, Cheryl, another powerhouse woman I know shared something she'd heard at a women's conference that she thought was remarkable. The speaker there had shared that knowing our priorities is actually very simple: We just need to look first to all the things that ONLY WE were created to do and make sure we do those things first. I will add that we should also commit ourselves to do those things in the order in which they arrived in our lives.

And I will testify that following this simple formula has brought ABUNDANT blessings and OVERFLOWING peace to my life.

Here's how it works in my life. I was first created to be the daughter of a KING. That occurred at birth...no, conception...no, even before conception. I am not the ONLY daughter of the KING; however, I have been created one-of-a-kind. I'm the ONLY Linda Sue Wilson Locarnini Stephens born on December 21, 1964 at 8:15am. God's desire is that I accept my full inheritance (Matthew 25:34; Acts 20:32; Ephesians 1:18; Colossians 3:24; Galatians 4:4) as His adopted daughter and learn more every day about what it means to be fully His. That happened first, so that is my FIRST priority.

Next, He placed me in the care of two adults...my parents. Their competence at this task is irrelevant. (Exodus 20:12; Matthew 19:18) I am/was their ONLY child named Linda and, as this happened second, this is my SECOND priority.

Lots of stuff happened between birth and marriage; but it was stuff that happens to everyone and is common across people groups. There was really nothing, during this time, that was ONLY me.

So, the next thing to examine was marriage. For a time, I was my first husband's ONLY love. That should have placed him next in priority; but I did not know Jesus at this time in my life and I was a very self-serving person. I did not make him my next highest priority in life after my Father or parents and our marriage failed.

The temptation was this: I was a college graduate. I was not, however, the ONLY one. I was making LOTS of money in management; but I was not the ONLY one. I was a good employee...often exemplary; but, in retrospect, I was not the ONLY one created for these workplace tasks. Placing this as a higher priority than other areas where I was created to be the ONLY was toxic to my life and did not bring blessings; instead this brought further burdens multiplied on themselves.

I was left lonely.

My life began to turn around with my decision to be Derek's ONLY wife. Yes, he had a wife before and she was his daughter's ONLY mother (and still is). But now Derek and I made a commitment to be each other's ONLY spouse. This role became my THIRD priority.

Now, some of you will freak out right now saying, "A man should leave his [earthly] father and mother and a woman should leave her [earthly] father and mother and be joined together..." and I agree with you that, once you're an adult, parents should slip below the priority of your husband. That is, of course, if you are not the ONLY child they have. I'm probably creating controversy here; but I will clarify this in just a minute.

When we knew that God had given us Blake...and later Bryson...I discovered the joy of being their ONLY mother partnered with Derek, their ONLY father. My FOURTH priority. Here arrived a new temptation: I felt a very strong pull to make these precious babies my FIRST priority and I often slipped into this tempting behavior. And when I would behave this way, peace would drain away and be replaced by anything from discontent to all-all chaos.

When I would return to making my FIRST thing first and my SECOND thing second, my THIRD thing third, I would present my babies with a confident and loving, peace-filled mommy. Joy!

Being an acts of service lover and a words of affirmation lover, the workplace is/was a HUGE temptation for me. The workplace is where I can put my hands on something and it feels less redundant (making beds and doing dishes are SOOOO redundant) and more rewarding. And hearing "kudos" about work well done tempts me to make the workplace my FIRST priority. Again, each time I've done this, Peace has left me empty and lonely and often blaming and battling against my higher priority people because of those feelings. Only prayer and obedience to these Divine priorities has restored things right.

Now, I will clarify a time that earthly parents might become a higher priority than husband or wife.

These discovered natural priorities were REALLY put to the test in January of 2005. My mother lay dying in hospice care. The day nurses were competent; but the night staff was uncaring and not showing her the dignity my mother deserved. I will also share with you that she was embroiled (oooh, good word) in a spiritual battle while she lay in that hospital bed. Right around her birthday (January 11) I was told she had only days to live. Being her ONLY child, and with my husband's blessing, I resolved to stay with her and ensure her final days were honoring to her and were spent in full anticipation of Jesus.

But the battle continued. Although I was told she could live only days without food and water, she lived more than a week longer. On January 17, my sweet Bryson turned 4 and I cried my eyes out as I missed his birthday party. Many friends said, "You should go to your son's birthday party. How sad that Bryson will remember his party without his mommy."

Yes, I am Bryson's ONLY mommy; but I was also my mother's ONLY child. I prayed and journaled and struggled. In the end, I had to evaluate the critical role I played in each situation. As my father had died years earlier and my mother had no other relatives here, I was the ONLY one who could properly and legally advocate for my mother's care and dignity.

Bryson, on the other hand, was surrounded by many who would make his party outstanding and filled with love and smiles. There were many women (including Aunt Joy and friend Kelli) who loved and played with Bryson that day. I cried as I missed it; but felt peace in proper priorities. No, it didn't "feel right"; but I felt Divine confirmation.

My mother died on January 22, defying all the rules (as she did throughout her life) of how long someone can live without liquid, and I have full confidence that she joined all those surrounding Jesus in unending worship in Heaven.

Later, friend Kelli told me a story about Bryson's birthday party. Feeling sad my sadness in missing the event, Kelli had scooped Bryson into her arms and asked him, "Bryson, do you know how much your mommy loves you?" He quickly and confidently replied, "Yes! She loves me to Pluto and back 500 times!"

Bryson knew that in his head...and he knew that in his heart...because we had played that "I love you more" game every night for years. Turns out, my 4-year-old boy had NO concerns about my priorities. God, himself, I believe had reassured Bryson throughout the entire season. Another blessing for proper priorities!!

Today, I pray for Rosi and Tracy as they embrace these priorities even as the world tempts them to be swayed. They are putting FIRST first, SECOND second and THIRD third and I KNOW they will encounter trials and temptations and maybe even sadness and longing; but I also KNOW that their full commitment to their Divinely ordered priorities will ultimately bring them the best gift of all in this world of chaos...Peace reigning in their hearts and an outward expression of joy.

Go girls!!

Leave It All to Me

2009-04-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know you all count on me to be deep and insightful.

So, you'll no doubt be surprised that the inspiration for this blog post is the TV show iCarly. I just love that show! Complete silliness!! I can't decide if I like Spencer the best or Sam. And I have to say that actress Miranda Cosgrove is a super-great "straight man" to all the comedy that happens around her on the show. I also like that my kids think it's "cool weird" to have a mom that can't wait until they premiere a new episode of iCarly.

I was listening to my iPod this morning...

...funny side note: my husband, Derek, has been taking my iPod shuffle to the gym with him. It's got some amazingly deep and insightful contemporary worship songs on it. I imagine him listening to TobyMac and David Crowder and Chris Tomlin....and then BAM! Miranda Cosgrove suddenly begins singing the iCarly theme song. Makes me laugh just thinking about what the look on his face must be at that moment.

And yes, my friend Paula Hall, Go Fish is also on that iPod. You should see Derek dance to THOSE songs!!

Oops, back to the iPod story. I was cleaning house this morning, as part of family stewardship time. And the iCarly song came on. I suddenly began cleaning at twice the speed and bouncing up and down to the cute little tune. Fun!

When it was done, I felt a bizarre Holy moment happening. Are you kidding me? God wants to speak to me about iCarly? I restarted the song and sat down and just listened to the words. Then, I called each of the boys to my side (they were grateful for a break in cleaning) and we shared ear buds and listened again...and again.

I told the boys, "Listen for fun at first. Then, listen to the song as if God was singing it directly into your heart. From His Heart to yours. And then from your heart to His" I watched as both of them brightened, began nodding their heads and listening with a new perspective.

So, I share the lyrics with you and wonder if you might enjoy them as a love song from Him to you! You see, (and here's the deep insightful part you might have come to know and love from me) I believe that there's a place in each of our hearts that cries out for God and hears His message for us and longs to answer Him. Believers either know or strive to learn what to do with His message to their hearts. But people who don't yet have that personal relationship with Him still hear Him and, not knowing what to do with what He's telling them, write lyrics like these:

(imagine God singing this to your heart)
I know you see
somehow the world will change for Me
And be so wonderful
Live life, breathe air
I know somehow were gonna get there
And feel so wonderful

I will make you change your mind
These things happen all the time
And It's all Reeeaaaaal
I'm telling you just how I feel

So, wake-up the members of My Nation
It's your time to BE
There's no chance unless you take one
Take the time to see
the brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be
So give Me your best and leave the rest to Me

(imagine your heart singing this to God)
I know its time
to raise the hand that draws the line
And be so wonderful
Golden sunshine
I know [with You] its gunna be mine
And BE so wonderful

(God sings to you)
Show me what you can become
There’s a dream in everyone
And It's all reeeaaaaal
I’m telling you just how I feel

So, wake-up the members of My Nation
It's your time to BE
There's no chance unless you take one
Take the time to see
the brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be
so give Me your best and leave the rest to me

Leave it all to Me
Leave it all to Me

So make it Mine
and see it through
you know you wont be free until you...

wake-up the members of My Nation
It's your time to be
There's no chance unless you take one
Take the time to see
the brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be
so give me your best and leave the rest to Me

Leave it all to me...Leave it all to me...Just leave it all to me

For those that need to hear the catchy-little-tune in order to enjoy it, here's a link:

iCarly Theme Song

I feel an enormous blessing, honor and calling to help children (especially my own) look for God everywhere and in everything and, in knowing Him and seeing Him, find an unending passion to serve Him.

Instinct

2009-02-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

I want to go "on record" that these days, since the beginning of February, have been both wonderful and terrible.

Wonderful to accept the invitation of a promotion and begin a job (Director of Children's Ministry at New Harvest Church) that I KNOW God has been preparing me to do for years...even though I didn't fully recognize it until now. It's been wonderful to feel His pleasure each day.

This makes me think of a quote from track and field hero Eric Liddell (made famous in Chariots of Fire) who said, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."

It's wonderful that God made me to do this work at New Harvest Church and when I do this work, I feel His pleasure! Wonderful that I've been given the extreme privilege of doing this work AND being with my children each day before and after school.

Terrible to be stricken with bronchitis and severe asthma during the same days. Terrible to be gasping for breath and coughing until I need to change my clothes (no additional details needed). Terrible to watch my family succumb to sinus infection one by one. Even sweet Charley has a sinus infection. Terrible to watch my handsome son lie in bed with 102 fever for 5 straight days, at the same time knowing that his grades need serious help. Terrible (for me) to see the house no longer in "tip top shape" as I've chosen to return to work full time.

Everything could feel hopeless. Except I know the source of real Hope.

I could be tempted to retreat. I could easily say, "I must've made the wrong decision. Clearly, if I would've made the right decision, everything would be easier." Instinctively, I want to run backwards to where I was when I was healthy, my family was healthy, the dog was healthy, the house was fully organized, color-coded and caught up. Instinctively, I am tempted by that mythical place in the past where everything was good and right and easier.

And then, as I do today, I hear Jesus say to me directly as He asked Peter in Mark 8:29 "But what about you?" Jesus asks. "Who do you say I am?"

And I realize in this moment that what I say by opening my mouth and using my vocal cords is NOTHING compared to what I say with my life.

When I run backwards, I may say with my mouth that Jesus is my Savior; but with my life, I say that Jesus is not strong enough to handle "terrible" sickness, chaos and disarray.

When I crave easy, I may say with my with my mouth that Jesus is my Lord; but with my life, I say that Jesus is someone I keep in a box--to call upon only when things get tough.

When I whine about uncertainty and disarray, I may say with my mouth that Jesus is my Provider; but with my life, I say that Jesus is not consistent and cannot be counted upon all the time to provide what's needed and direct us to what's important.

My greatest desire is that my life will reflect exactly who Jesus is. Favorite song lyrics float through my head: "I will stand up now, I will not step down, I will do my best to wear this crown but I need You as You guide me through today." (Artist Everyday Sunday) Another favorite phrase in the song brings conviction: "When will you wake up and see that it takes more than just you to get through this life?"

Let my life show that Jesus is my Savior (brought me out of a very deep pit and adopted me to be a princess belonging to Him). He is my Lord (he guides me through today and the evidence of his guidance in my life's yesterdays is everything fruitful) He is my provider (he keeps me humble and gives only what's needed, but never fails to provide ALL that's needed) and He is Love (the ONLY dependable model in my life of complete, unfailing, unconditional love).

You know, when I went looking for the Eric Liddell quote about feeling God's pleasure in your life, I found another one of his quotes that's a better finish to this blog than anything I could say.

"You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe your dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race."

Starting with the Edge Pieces...

2009-01-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm reading in Genesis. Now wait, don't think I'm going to try reading the Bible from cover to cover. I think I would give up too soon for sure!!

Instead, I used the gift certificate I received for my birthday to buy a 365 day devotion that was totally Bible based; rather than what I usually gravitate toward. I usually like to get stuff by Max Lucado or Beth Moore or Randy Alcorn or... And, don't get me wrong, those writers are AWESOME! I just felt God reminding me that the "edge pieces" were His Word-not other popular people's opinion of His Word.

But that felt overwhelming. Why does doing the right thing the way it should be done always feel overwhelming? More on that later.

So, I persevered through the feeling of being overwhelmed and looked for a solution. And that's when I found a simple devotional book that presents scripture and then asks riveting questions.

I read the creation story. I was enjoying the whole thing until my heart stumbled upon this phrase: "God rested". I suddenly realized that I had never comprehended the idea of GOD, the ONE who knows all, created all, present now, present in the past, present in the forever future...resting. I still can't wrap my little pea-sized brain around God resting. Setting a forever example for us workaholics and do-do addicted people, He rested. What does the picture of God resting look like? I shouldn't be so surprised that I can't imagine this: it's taken me years to learn to rest. For years, I would try to rest only to find myself anxiously thinking about what I SHOULD be doing instead of resting. I felt guilty for resting.

God rests. God works and God rests. The edges are coming together....

Now, if I could just NOT feel overwhelmed about a little exercise here and there.....

Asking the wrong question...

2009-01-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

I've been begging for an answer about something.

I want to be a good steward of how I spend the time that God has given me. Derek and I have learned the blessings of being good stewards of how we spend His money. There are BIG blessings in realizing that it's all His and we just need to be good managers.

I want to offer my best to the Lord. I want to spend what time I have the way He wants it spent, doing what He's created me to do, for the results that He has purposed.

Some say I take this too seriously and...true...that is my tendency. But today, as a New Year dawns, I'm thinking maybe we don't give this enough thought. I think many of us resolve to recreate our lives in January; but wake up and see where the day takes us the other eleven months of the year. I hear a lot of people saying things like, "I just don't know where the time's going."

So, yes, I want live "on purpose" for the Lord.

This verse in Ephesians 5: 16-17 motivates my drive for answers:

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,

making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

So, back to this morning's prayers. I prayed specifically, "Lord, show me how everything will fit. What things do I keep? What things do I say 'goodbye' to? Aspect? Finished in Five? Your gift of New Harvest has been wonderful; I know THAT'S a keeper; but what about the puny amount of the remainder of my time? How shall that be spent? Because I know you don't want me to bury it in the ground with mindless TV."

I asked in the car. I asked over coffee with dear friends. I asked while I did laundry.

But, once again, because I gave Him my time and undivided attention this morning, He could reward me with an answer. And because of how I'm wired, He answered with a picture.

I saw a picture of a 1000 piece puzzle all laid out on a table. There were a few center pieces that had been pieced together; but, otherwise, the pieces were all still scattered.

And, as I looked at the puzzle pieces, He said, "You're asking the wrong question, dear one. You need to put the edges together first before I can help you with the center."

My reply? "What are the edges?"

And He said, "The number one edge piece involves devoted time reading My Word. Second, you need to be spending time exercising to stay healthy. Next, you need to concentrate even more on the foundations of your family: your marraige. Once those 'edge pieces' are together, THEN we can talk about what should go inside."

OUCH!

I just seem to be filled with really weak excuses lately about why I'm not spending daily time reading the Bible and daily time exercising. And I'm a WRECK by the time Derek returns home from work. Just one hour per day protected for these things would do it, right? I could read for 30 minutes and walk (with Derek?) for 30 minutes. But I don't. Instead, I feel overwhelmed and over scheduled and entitled to a "break".

I think I hear Him telling me I'm taking a break from the wrong things. I'm taking a break from looking for...and connecting...my "edge pieces". After all, those are the things that will hold everything else together, right?

What are your "edge pieces"? Are you ignoring them, too? Is this why New Year's Resolutions have become so popular? And, at the same time so pathetic? Are we all trying to put together the insides of our puzzles without sorting through and attaching the edges first?

God's Perfect Provision

2008-12-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

This morning I heard from God that there was a blog to write. I searched my heart and found some discontent in a couple of areas and wondered if I was to blog about that.

Then, I received an email from a wonderful woman and Crown Financial counselor that Derek and I had been blessed to visit. She saw our Christmas Card, saw that I had a new job, and wanted to know the juicy details.

As I was writing those juicy testimonial morsels to her in an email, I realized that the contentedness I feel in God as a Perfect Provider is the blog for today...not any dis-contentedness that might be distracting me.

Here's what I wrote to Kim:

God is so good; there must be better words to use to praise Him!

You’ll remember that when we met with you last Summer we had a gap in our budget. We had removed the "wants" focusing only on the "needs". In order to honor God, we needed more dependable income to cover our necessary expenses.

We reviewed. You offered wise counsel. We listened and we prayed.

And not even 7 days later the elementary school called out-of-the-blue to offer me a playground monitor job. You’ll also remember that I had been very honest and open about not liking other people’s children. I thought that the offer from the school was a joke or worse: temptation from the enemy to put myself in the worst possible job where I would waste away angry and bitter.

But after doing the math and knowing that this was God making the offer and not really the school, I reluctantly took the job. Remember when I told you, “Kim, you said that the Lord had something BIG for me working in ministry that pays. How could this job at the school have anything to do with that?” At the time, you laughed and agreed that this was DEFINITELY the Lord and I should say, "Yes!" and get to work.

I hated the heat. I hated the cold. But a love grew in my heart for those kids that my body didn’t even have room for. When the year was over, I thought sure I would return.

But then, summer was hard (no paycheck for a school worker). And then the economy took a turn. With the rising gas prices and food costs, the gap in our budget got larger. The job at the school was no longer going to fill that gap.

We prayed again and I began looking for work at supermarkets and banks. But no one called.

Then, New Harvest Church posted an opening for a job in Children’s Ministry. The job was 14 hours per week and didn't involve interacting with the kids directly; but instead involved providing all the necessary supplies for the small group leaders to do what they are gifted to do. It also involved maintaining the computer system that tracks attendance and provides data for the church to use...and finally it involved maintaining a team of greeters that welcomes first time families and helps them enroll and get settled into worship as their children are blessed in small group environments. WOW! It was perfect!

Now, I have to confess: If God hadn’t softened my heart on that Copper Hills playground, I NEVER have considered answering an ad for a Children’s Ministry job. I would’ve said, “Not for me! No way!!” and kept looking. I see God’s perfect hand in what’s called his Prevenient Grace in every step of this journey.

I started at New Harvest Church in August, grateful for good and challenging work.

Then, at the beginning of November, the gap in our budget enlarged again. Why I didn’t trust God completely and immediately, I don’t know. I’m an idiot! I panicked. I began thinking once again about trying to fix the gap with my human solutions. Maybe ANOTHER part-time job?

I'm grateful for a God that wastes no time in showing me that my human solutions are pathetic. No kidding…I panicked on a Monday. And on the Wednesday of that same week, a member of our staff surprisingly resigned so she could be at her son’s Sunday soccer games. I was sad, shocked and worried about who would replace her. Then, instead of replacing her, our management asked if I would consider having my job duties enlarged and my hours increased to 20 per week!!!! I still make my own schedule and I’m waiting outside each of my children’s schools when the bell rings.

God is Jehovah Jireh. He IS.

I worried that working at a church would tarnish my ability to worship God and I have found the opposite at New Harvest. My worship is richer and the integrity is inspiring me to be a better Christ follower every day.

I thank God for that night in your kitchen for your wise Godly counsel. I thank God for YOU and you storming The Throne on our family’s behalf and being SO IN TOUCH with the Lord that you spoke prophetic words into my life. What I'm working on IS BIG. The curriculum we are using and the strategy and philosophy align with Jesus’ heart more than anything I’ve ever seen and I’m excited each day to be a part of it.

I worry a little about the coming summer. How will I structure my hours and my kids' time while I work? But, silly me! I know God has provided everything before I even know to need it or ask. So, I’m DONE borrowing trouble that is not mine.

The Changing Table

2008-10-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

Submission

Boy, I hate that word! Do you hate that word? For a woman who loves words and doesn't allow the "h" word (hate) to be used around her, that's a pretty bold statement.

The thing is, I don't really hate that word. Once again, when I really consider things, what I hate is what the world around us has done to twist that word and make it seem like a painful prison cell for married women.

Let's consider the common places and times that we hear the word SUBMIT used:

Cop show on TV: "You're going to have to submit to a polygraph test. We know you're lying!"
US Government: "You must submit your tax payment within 30 days or face a penalty"
Prospective Employer: "You must submit your application, along with 3 references..."

Now, let's look at the dictionary.com definition of submit.

Based on what I'm hearing in the world and reading in the dictionary, if I were to give you my personal impression of the day-to-day definition of submission, I would say that it's: doing something that you don't like to do at all, because you're being forced to do it. Does that definition make you want to say, "Yes! Sign me up for some of that submission stuff!"?

It should be absolutely no surprise then, that women (and especially Christian women) bristle (ooh, that's a good word!) at the thought of submission to their husbands as the Godly head of the household. But, this is what the church teaches, right?

And as women, moving either boldly or cautiously along the road of following Christ, we're trying to gain confidence to follow Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. This is our goal. And then WHAM! we hear the message of submission and YOU BET! sometimes we put on the brakes.

Wouldn't you know it? One of the first studies I signed up for, after joining Tuesday morning women's Bible study, was a study on the "beauty" of submission. Except this author never got around to describing the beauty part. She was clearly a legalist. The truth about legalists is this: they enjoy rules more than they enjoy a relationship with Christ. They are all about truth; but usually short on grace. Legalists generally enjoy the feeling they get following rules and often fantasize about seeing others getting busted when they don't follow the rules.

The central verse on the submission Bible study I attended was Ephesians 5:22

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Here's my confession: what I was learning in this study was almost a "deal breaker" for me. It was a "God, you've got to be kidding me!" moment. This only-child of an alcoholic father, fiercely independent, survived-a-failed-marriage, learning to be a blended-family wife and now boy mom...was just NOT buying that this "wives should submit to their husbands in everything" was what God really wanted for my life. I was SURE in my heart that God did not create me to be a "doormat."

What did I do? Thankfully, instead of running away from my new faith, I prayed. I prayed another one of my "Linda being real" prayers. I think I prayed something like this, "God, I love you so much. And God...surely you're kidding me! This part of your Word is just not sitting well with me at all. Please show me what you REALLY mean or show me how in the world I'm going to REALLY do this."

And, being the Faithful Father that He is, He did!

Just a few days later, I was changing little Bryson's diaper. I had him up on the changing table and, as usual, I was wishing they had straight-jackets for babies (oh no! did I just say that out loud!) I longed for restraint of some sort because changing Bryson's diaper was ALWAYS a two-person job. One person was needed to hold him down and stop him from rolling over and getting up on his hands and knees...so the other person could do the strip, clean and replace routine. Only, moms, can I get an "Amen!" here?? There's only ONE of us!!

So, as I was trying to get through this ordeal, I was quoting my earthly father. Those of you who know me well, know that this is usually the start of a BIG problem. Quotes from Dad often contain, well, offensiveness.

In a low, drill-seargent-style voice, reminiscent of Dad, I said to Bryson, "Bryson, I'm GOING to change this diaper. And we can do this one of two ways. I've got the easy way...but if you want the hard way, I've got that, too!! Bryson, if you want to spend all afternoon fighting me on this changing table, you can! Just know that I WILL WIN! And you're wasting precious play time choosing the hard way!"

And, there it was! In that precise moment, God spoke directly into my heart. It was so loud I almost cried on the spot. He said,

"Daughter, you've just described submission as I intend it. You see, I've given you this man (Derek) to be in your life. You know in your heart that Derek is a gift from me, not some accidental choice. And, because you've given your life to me now and prayed begging Me for a changed life, YOU are on MY changing table.
My goals are the same as yours with Bryson in this moment: Strip, clean, replace. I want to strip you of your bad habits that are lies and are getting you nowhere. I want to clean you so that what flows out of you is Me. And I want to replace your sorrow with gladness. I will do this by using people I've placed around you. Some will be Christians, others will not. My primary tool will be Derek. There are good things that Derek has (that he might not even be aware are for you) that he WILL give you and do for you; but you MUST sit still and be completely open to the GIFTS that Derek has for you. You can fight Derek. You can compete with him for power. You can insult him, cutting him off at the knees with your belittling comments. You can even ignore him. But all of these choices are "the hard way". If you fight MY GIFTS that Derek carries that I created and intend JUST FOR YOU, you'll be wasting "precious play time".

So, I had to decide which I liked more: fighting, sarcasm and "games"? or precious play time? This shouldn't have been a difficult decision; except for old habits die hard.

Looking back, it has been the world (especially TV commercials) that has told me that I needed to resist. Resist being dominated! Resist being taken-advantage of! Resist conforming to silly rules!

The Truth I share with you is that I REALLY DID FIND "precious play time" in a submitted relationship to both Christ and my husband, sitting still and watching for His Gifts. And Christ and Derek are both teaching me through encouragement and love to resist. Resist loneliness and isolation! Resist the lie of power over another! Resist the world's empty, but tempting lies!

So, I encourage YOU the way I have been encouraged. Embrace the gifts that Christ has placed in people all around you. Gifts that He intends just for YOU!! Now, that's the real beauty of submission.

Breaking Away from the Father

2008-09-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Conversation in the car on the way to THREE schools this morning:

Blake: (Blowing his nose. A lot! He's getting over a cold. Feeling nervous to return to school after being out.)
Bryson: (Experiencing deep compassion for this brother) "Will you STOP that??!! You're giving me a headache with all that blowing!!"
Blake: "I can't help it!"
Mom: "Bryson, do you know the word 'compassion'?"
Bryson: "Yes."
Mom: "Bryson, what does the word compassion mean?"
Bryson: (Clearly the smartest 7 year old I've known) "Well, it means feeling for someone else instead of feeling for yourself"
Mom: "YES! Exactly! Wow! You do know what compassion means! Now, how might you show compassion right now for your brother?"
Bryson: "I can't! It's just too hard."
Mom: (Clearly demonstrating that sarcasm is my spiritual gift) "Bryson, how is it that you can be SUCH an only child in the midst of a big family?"

And that got me thinking...

Those of you that know me...know that I am an only child. So, when I see self-centered behavior and "call it" it's because I recognize it from pure personal experience.

In addition to having no siblings, my earthly father had some serious problems with alcohol. Ultimately, that I know of, he did not turn his life over to God before he died. This is a painful reality for me.

Watching my children respect and relate to an earthly father that has turned his life over to follow Jesus...and is not struggling with painful addictions is awesome beyond description. It's the biggest earthly gift I've received that I simply do not deserve. What grace!

After reading today's devotion from Charles Stanley for September 30, 2008. http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/in_touch/ I had a wonderful realization that I thought I'd share with you.

I did a talk recently where I shared that Values + Beliefs + Ideals + Commitment = YOUR priority. I stressed that it's difficult to live your life with honest and Godly priorities...if your values and beliefs are "jacked up". (Okay, I didn't really say, "jacked up" but our pastor uses this very fancy term sometimes on Sunday mornings and it always makes me sit up and listen more, and I thought it would just be a better attention getter than a simple word like "flawed". Which one do you like better? Flawed? or Jacked-up?)** Anyway, the idea here is the same one when I learned basic computer programming: if you put "Garbage In" you'll surely get "Garbage Out"

Now, to take this "out of the lecture and into the lab"...God combined the thought about what I had shared in my talk, with this morning's Charles Stanley devotion subject and the conversation in the car with Bryson and "BAM!"

This morning, I see clearly that, as an only child, my early value and belief was that independence was IT. It was "too hard" to be told what to do all the time, and especially by someone who made bad decisions sometimes. Add to this that my earthly father taught me that freedom was only available to those who took it by manipulation or thoughtful planning. And watching my mother submitting herself as a victim to Dad's misguided behavior made me resolve to be FULLY INDEPENDENT.

Now that I consider it more, I see that the media is also teaching us (and especially our children) and encouraging us every day to make INDEPENDENT decisions and be IN CONTROL.

And so it was, even after coming to know the Lord as the I AM, the Creator of everything and the Giver of all good things, Comforter, Healer....Who I wanted to give my life to...I still could not make Him my top priority as long as my highest values and beliefs were about being seen as SUCCESSFULLY INDEPENDENT.

Wow! So, imagine this with me: my earthly father has died. I've found hope and healing in my Heavenly Father. I'm praying "thy will be done, Lord," saying "Amen," and then opening my eyes and running off in a million frantic directions without Him. Day after day after day.

My motives were "good" according to what the world calls "good"; but now I know they were seriously flawed. (See? "jacked-up" is just better than "flawed" Oops, back to the story) I was determined to show God that He'd done a good job in teaching me some cool stuff; but He should be proud of me (like my understanding of what I wanted from my earthly father) as I break away and live a "good life" without Him.

You know what? When I'm listening to the enemy's lies, IT TRULY IS ALL ABOUT ME!! And who does God think He is, anyway, not blessing my plans and my success??? Can't He just be proud of me and then step back and watch?

Big Problem Discovered: As a teenager, breaking away from the earthly father was all I thought about. He would no longer control me. And my success, despite his control, would ultimately make him proud. It became my life's desire. And I also decided it would be how I measured success as an adult.

Did I find this success? Yes! Did I find joy? No. Ultimately, this life formula for success brought me confusion, loneliness and abandonment.

Then, God reached me. Fascinating: that I found Him everywhere I looked for Him, once I started looking.

But, after meeting Him, I unsuccessfully tried to apply my life's jacked-up "measure of success" to my relationship with Him. After fully discovering Him (in my early 30's) I thought I would get to know Him and then impress Him by how well I could apply His teaching away from Him.

Using my flawed belief system: I saw God as this Wisdom-Giver (which He Is) that I could run to when things weren't going well out there in INDEPENDENCE land. He would supply the Wisdom. I would thank Him. And then I would run off again to impress Him with my ability to apply His Wisdom well.

After reading Charles Stanley's devotional this morning, I see I'm in good company...all the way back to the beginning...Adam and Eve wanted to have what God had to give but believed the enemy's lie of INDEPENDENCE that they deserved all God's best AND self-centeredness.

So, you're telling me that the very thing I held in highest regard and valued the most: INDEPENDENCE is a lie!! Wow! That's harsh! But it sure explains a LOT of failure in my life where I was sure there should have been success.

So, now in my 40's, I'm trying to unlearn INDEPENDENCE as my highest value. And God has been gracious to show me that INTERDEPENDENCE is not where it's at either (as my college courses taught). That's another blog entirely about how depending on other humans for what you REALLY need doesn't work and just wears everyone out.

I'm living every day to decide each morning to throw away those broken values and beliefs and become hopefully, utterly and unashamedly DEPENDENT completely on our Father. And I'm experiencing the Truth that this Ultimate Father loves unendlingly, provides fully, comforts softly and restores completely.

So, now it's your turn. What are your highest values? And how are those values being played out in your life's priorities? Ask God today to reveal what's hidden (jacked-up) in the way you view Him. He WILL answer this prayer! (You might want to ask him at the same time for the courage to actually look at what's hidden, while you're at it. It might not be pretty.) And, just to reassure you, he probably won't answer your prayer in a booming voice from the sky. He'll answer it in circumstances and people around you. Be ready! Be watching!!

And join me in making each day a day where we choose NOT to believe lies so easily believed before and that we would allow God to change us that fewer and fewer lies would be retold.

So, I guess I'm no longer hoping that when I arrive in God's Perfect Presence, He'll say, "Well done, you successfully independent ladder-climber! I've been bragging about you to all the disciples. Were your ears burning?"

Instead, I want what the Bible promises. I want Him to say, as He said in Matthew 25, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share [MY] happiness!!"

**PS If you want to check out a Truth-telling Bible-believing Grace-dispensing church where the pastor actually uses the term "jacked up" to describe situations with flaws, join Derek and I as we attend New Harvest Church in Clovis, CA on Minnewawa between Herndon and Alluvial.

Building Lego Masterpieces

2008-09-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me this morning that I shared Bryson's favorite thing: eating!! And more specifically, eating at Hometown Buffet, without sharing Blake's favorite thing.

So, to be fair and even, I must talk today about Legos.

Blake's newest excitement is Lego Factory. Blake wants to be a Lego designer when he grows up. So, it's awesome that Lego.com offers a download-able program called Lego Factory where kids can choose from a multitude of virtual Lego pieces to build...well...just about anything their mind can imagine. When they're done building their Lego model on screen, they can then design the packaging and purchase the thing!!

Here's a photo of Blake on the day when one of his Lego Factory sets arrived.

This got me thinking about Legos. They're so cool! You can take a pile of pieces and make whatever your mind can imagine.

Blake was showing me a 3,803 piece Lego set that provides everything needed to construct the Star Wars Death Star. He couldn't believe they actually made sets that large. He was beside himself with excitement. The set costs $399.99. I told him he better save his allowance.

But, thinking more about Legos caused me to have another of those "Aha!" moments with God.

Imagine with me 3 sets of people sitting in 3 groups in 3 different rooms. I move from room to room and hand each group of people their own separate, but identical, pile of 3,803 pieces.

But, to GROUP ONE, I give the finished-product picture of the Death Star along with the step-by-step instructions.

To GROUP TWO, I give only the picture of the finished product: The photo of the completed Lego Death Star.

To GROUP THREE, I give nothing except the pile of 3,803 pieces. And...no...the groups cannot see each other.

I return after 2 hours and visit each room. And what do I find?

It's pretty predictable, actually. GROUP ONE, with the photograph and step-by-step instructions, will have completed their Death Star or they'll be pretty close to completing it.

GROUP TWO, with the photograph and no instructions, will be struggling to complete random parts of the Death Star. And...they'll likely be more grouchy than the first group.

And GROUP THREE will have made something random and "cool"; but they'll also have a whole pile of leftover pieces!! And, they'll wonder what took me so long to return!

And so it is with life...taking us out of the lecture and into the lab...

I think about how I've related to the "photograph and step-by-step instructions" (aka Jesus and The Bible) over the years.

Sometimes, I've been like GROUP ONE. I see the picture of Jesus and I open the Bible and I follow the step-by-step instructions and my life reflects Him. It isn't an easy life; but the pieces keep falling into place and I have peace in knowing that I'm moving in the right direction.

Other times, however, I'm more like GROUP TWO. I choose to try to imitate the picture without instructions. These are times that I feel the greatest amount of tension in my life, interestingly enough. I want the picture! The goal is before me! But, instead of searching for and opening the instructions, I think I'm smart enough to get there on my own. I fail repeatedly and miserably; and I feel and appear hideous.

I've also lived GROUP THREE. In my high school and college years, I didn't know about the picture and I SURELY didn't open any instructions. I just wandered around bumping into people and situations. If I found a pile of "metaphorical Legos", I grabbed some pieces and threw them together until I made something that my friends would say was "cool". Never mind that there were LOADS of left-over pieces just lying there waiting to be made into something WAY better. I didn't know about better. I thought my life was "as good as it gets". I didn't care. And I didn't look.

Like building Lego sets, I think I'm seeing that there are 3 distinct ways we can respond to The Word.

Response #1 We can ignore its existence and try to please our environment without ever knowing or believing there's a better way. This approach makes me sad because I know that God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 to each of us individually is true when He says, "I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Response #2 We can acknowledge its existence; but believe that we don't really need it. We are strong enough to get there on our own, we think. I've lived this existence more than the others and I can testify that it's the most painful. You "just know" there's a better way; but you're not willing to sacrifice to get there. Here's what Jesus Himself taught (taken from The Message) "This story is about some of those people. The seed is the Word of God. The seeds on the road are those who hear the Word, but no sooner do they hear it than the Devil snatches it from them so they won't believe and be saved. The seeds in the gravel are those who hear with enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm doesn't go very deep. It's only another fad, and the moment there's trouble it's gone. And the seed that fell in the weeds—well, these are the ones who hear, but then the seed is crowded out and nothing comes of it as they go about their lives worrying about tomorrow, making money, and having fun." Luke 8:11-14

Response #3 We acknowledge that the Word contains both the Accurate Picture and the step-by-step instructions AND we acknowledge that just can't build anything worthwhile without Him and His Word. Guess what?? There's more to the story in Luke!! Here's how Jesus finishes the story in Luke 8:15 "But the seed in the good earth—these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest."

Want to build a super-cool Lego Death Star?

John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Life Imitating Word

2008-09-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

Did you see the new quote in the title bar...over there on the left? I love it!! It's the new honorary sub-title of this blog: "Taking us out of the lecture and into the lab".

I think this quote speaks to me so completely (and I can't wait to read the book Captivating) because it describes EXACTLY how God teaches me the things I must know in my life.

And yes, it's worth saying right at the beginning today, that God is SO BIG he works differently in each of us based upon how He's created us. The reason I simply must stop to say this is: I don't want anyone out there to say, "I need to do things the way Linda does them." On the contrary!! I share what works in me in a hope that you might look inside you and see what works just for you.

Back to this topic, here's a tidbit that might shock you: I find reading the Bible only marginally interesting. Pretty "Ho hum" actually.

Yes, you read that right.

What I've discovered to be exciting beyond measure, however, is studying the Bible. Reading just one verse and then asking God to show me what's going on and how it relates specifically to my life.

Sometimes, when I ask this, I'll feel led to do more research on the words and their original Greek and Hebrew meaning. I know!! I'm a word geek!!! It's hopeless! I just get downright excited about the wisdom and meaning that are power-packed into those words.

But other times, God will show me something in my surroundings. And that picture, or moment "hits me like a 2 x 4" to teach me more about His meaning and desire for my life. And isn't that what we're all looking for anyway??

Case in point: HomeTown Buffet.

No, I'm not doing an advertisement for HomeTown Buffet; but I must say, this place is my son, Bryson's favorite restaurant. This kid never stops eating! I'm serious! I can't get the older ones to eat...and I can't get my 7-year-old to stop! So, there you go, HomeTown Buffet is his favorite.

During a recent time in my life, I was asking God for more information about the fruit of the Spirit as listed in Galatians 5: 22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Specifically, I remember asking why this fruit existed in such small and inconsistent amounts in my life.

I should share that, during this same time in my life, I was separately battling my hypoglycemia diet. I was once-again angry that the things I craved so intensely were the things that were making me SO tired, irritable and sick. Every book and every doctor said the same thing: more protein and complex carbs; fewer sugars and simple carbs.

And then came the "2 x 4 over the head". BAM!

I saw a very clear picture of someone holding a tray with a large plate on it, moving through the lines of a buffet.

Have you ever given any thought to the consistent design of any buffet line? Think about the stuff that's offered first and quickly: melon slices, gelatin in several colors, cottage cheese, potato salad, macaroni salad...

Let's explore the possibility that maybe life is like "pushing your tray" through a giant decades-long buffet line.

The picture I saw showed someone who, upon arriving at the buffet, filled their plate to overflowing with the high-carb, sugary, empty calorie foods that are offered at the beginning.

After sitting down and gorging themselves on what they had taken, there really wasn't any room for main dishes. So, they slapped a piece of fried chicken on the plate to justify dessert and then made a bee-line to the soft-serve ice cream and fudge sauce!

Uh, oh...[Camera angle change]...and...BAM! (there's that pesky 2 x 4 again) The person holding the tray is me!!

Derek often coaches me about the size of my "plate" and that I need to careful about what I put on it. When I say to him, "I want to start doing X..." He says, "Okay, what things will you remove from your plate so that you can do X?"

Hmmm....recurring metaphors about plates....Leaders trying to teach me despite my stubborn resistance....

And then God hit a home run with this word picture! His home run (His message to me in my life at this time) was this: If you want your life to overflow the fruit of the Spirit, you must say, "No thank you!" to those multi-colored gelatin, macaroni-salad kinds of temptations that come first and fast in the buffet line of your life. You must, instead, pass by what feels good in the short term, in order to have My best for your life.

Practical Example: Someone shares juicy gossip (green gelatin)? Say, "No, thank you!" and keep "pushing your tray" past it to the place where there's love and peace (broiled chicken and steamed asparagus).

Another example: Let's say someone hurts your feelings or even humiliates you? Will you put a heaping portion of angry rage (macaroni salad) on your tray...leaving no room on "your plate" for what will fill you most completely? No way!! Instead, you'll say, "No, thank you!" and keep "pushing your tray" to the place where the Spirit offers gentleness and self-control (grilled fish and green beans).

Here's another important tidbit: We must push our trays past the temptation, but NEVER past the precious person. It's the temptation we say, "No, thank you" to; NOT the person.

Using my mind and strength, saying, "No, thank you" to the potato chips and soda...and, "Yes, please" to the strawberries and tea, has brought the blessings of energy, ability to persevere and positive outlook.

In my heart and soul, saying, "No, thank you" to anger, jealous comparisons, perfectionism and gossip...and saying, "Yes, please" to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, has brought...hmmm....would you look at that?! It's actually brought increased amounts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to my life.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30

Making a BIG Decision

2008-08-21T09:42:00.001-07:00

I admit that I'm sharing this today because, on many occasions in the past, I hoped that someone else would share with me how THEY make BIG decisions. Honestly, I spend more time worrying than wondering. Worry is a poor choice. Wondering is SO much more exciting.

I received wisdom about wondering versus worrying from one of my favorite song artists Ginny Owens. On track number 11 on the 'A Night in Rocketown' album, Ginny tells a story. She cites this verse which is now a favorite of mine and memorized: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers [and sisters], whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. [and] Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

After she shares this verse from memory with the live audience, she says that God told her through this verse how to have peace. She says that God specifically told her, "you can keep searching and you can just leave it in my hands; you can wonder; but you don't have to worry."

So, I'm a peace-filled expert when it comes to decision making now, right? No way!!

Let me walk you through how I made a recent BIG decision:

THE CONCERN

I had accepted a position at New Harvest Church as their Children's Ministry Program Coordinator. The job description was LOADED with things that God has gifted me with, and I LOVE the staff there!! I especially jump for joy about NHC focus on prayer!! Additionally, when I did the math, I learned that the 14 hour-per-week job would pay exactly $9 per month more than Quicken said we needed to cover our realistic budget. But with gas prices rising and everything getting more and more expensive, this $9 cushion left me feeling a little insecure. And I worried about those days that I would be scheduled to work and the kids would be out of school. Feeling relatively confident that God would cover these issues, I happily accepted the job when it was offered.

I was celebrating at a one-on-one lunch with my sweet pumpkin Bryson when [ring, ring] the phone rang. It was Copper Hills elementary and they wanted to know if I would like to come and work as a teachers' aide in their special education department. The position would be 4 hours per day (20 hours per week) and I would NEVER have to leave my kids at home alone because my work days would always match theirs.

STEP ONE: I called my very best friend and leader of our home, Derek. The panic in my voice was showing. He very predictably said, "Well, you made a promise to New Harvest when you said, 'Yes' and you need to keep that promise." I said, "But what if I made the wrong decision?" He replied that it didn't matter because a promise is a promise. Let me just say that this is one of the BIG reasons why I married Derek. I absolutely ADORE that he teaches us all about "making and keeping promises". But...

THE CHAOS

STEP TWO: I chose to throw myself into full-blown panic instead. I cried and said to God, "What do you want me to do?" It's important to note here that I heard nothing in return. In retrospect, I can see that God was probably saying, "You already heard Me when I spoke through your husband." But, instead of finding peace, I bought a ticket and went on a ride on the "what if" train. What if I was supposed to wait for the Copper Hills job??

STEP THREE: I called my friend Lisa and hysterically cried to her. I'm not over-exaggerating about the hysterics. She was so worried that she offered to stop what she was doing, drive over right then and there, and hug me. But a hug was NOT going to solve this problem. Lisa told me, "Of course, you need to pray about this."

STEP FOUR: I tried to go back to my normal life and avoid making the decision all together. This was, by far, the worst choice. I couldn't concentrate on anything.

STEP FIVE: I finally gave up and called our dear friends and accountability partners, Greg & Tracy. They were on vacation in Carmel. I didn't want to bother them; but this was becoming an emergency. Copper Hills wanted an answer that afternoon. I got the cell phone voice mail. Bummer! I left a semi-frantic message. Tracy called back. Collected information and said that she would "run this by Greg" and they would call back.

STEP SIX: I asked anyone and everyone their opinion. I'm sure if the UPS man would've stopped by, I would've asked him. It was chaotic. Each gave me a different answer. And none could provide the peaceful feeling I desired. I wanted to know THE answer.

STEP SEVEN: I prayed. I prayed that God would use His Spirit and His people to provide me with wisdom so that I could KNOW the right direction. Truthfully, this was the point where the frantic feeling began to leak out like air from a day-old balloon.

STEP EIGHT: Derek arrived home and we talked more about each option. He listened. He asked questions and he continued to provide a rock-solid determination that "a promise is a promise."

STEP NINE: Greg and Tracy called on speakerphone. After prayer and consideration Greg provided the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25. After being sure that I was familiar with the story, Greg & Tracy asked, "So, which job is the best investment of your talents?" The idea, Greg said, was to invest the "talents" that God had given me in a way that would cause The Master to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" Hearing this, I became 90% certain that God had already given me the talents*** and had already provided the place where He wanted me to invest them and had already provided a Godly husband to reassure me in all of this.

THE CONFIRMATION

STEP TEN: I hoped in my heart for further confirmation. Yes, I am actually this flawed!! I had all this and still, I wanted more confidence. Long story short: we then took Blake to register him for junior high. At one point in the process, the principal of Clovis North introduces himself to Blake and to Derek and me. Derek asks the principal where he might have seen him before. And the principal replies, "Well, I attend New Harvest church. Have I seen you there?" Derek and I just smile at one another. Small world? No way!! Big GOD!! We leave the building and call Greg & Tracy to share the non-coincidence.

STEP ELEVEN: Is this nuts? 11 steps? You bet!! At this point, I return home and curl up on the couch with a piece of paper and a pencil. I learned a tool in my professional life called a decision-making matrix. Even though the decision is now clear, I still create the matrix because I'm a visual learner and I want to clearly see and feel nothing but confidence. I'm SO grateful for a Father with patience. When I was finished, these were the results:

Does this tool intrigue you? Here's how it works: First, you write down every factor that has anything to do with your decision. These are the phrases I wrote in the first column above. Next, you assign a [L]ikelihood number (0-9) based on, "How likely is it that this good thing will happen if I make this choice?" Next, you assign an importance [V]alue (0-9) of how important this value is in your life. To get the final [S]core, multiply the [L]ikelihood by the [V]alue to arrive at a [S]core for each factor. Do this for each option in your decision. Finally, add the scores for each option and you'll see which option is best. In my case, the position at New Harvest Church scored 961 and the position at Copper Hills scored 724. Pretty clear!!

Now, let me be REALLY honest here. Once again, I see myself as the little wind-up toy running around bouncing off things in an effort to gain control (see my last story).

God had ALREADY provided the talents, direction and confirmation. For me, steps 2-11 were, basically, a waste of time, emotions and energy. But, I share them for two reasons: 1) I know I'm not alone in my poor approach to BIG decisions and 2) This experience has further cemented my belief and faith in God as THE perfect provider, protector and loving Father.

***Want to know your "talents"? Here's a website with a free test:
http://www.spiritualgiftstest.com/

Redeem?

2008-08-05T11:40:00.000-07:00

I'm seeing a theme among the things that I care enough to share about. I think the thing I care most about (both because of my personal history and my current observations) is true freedom and how the world is shaping a lie about what makes us free. And I care that people know that they can CHOOSE freedom. But it's an everyday choice. Every morning, we must choose it.

On a rare, good and wonderful day, free of worldly gunk, I can embrace my life as the life of an adopted princess. While growing up, and into my adult life, I made some really horrible choices. Then, this King comes and redeems me.

I seem to have a built-in sensitivity to hearing people use words that are not easily understood by all. Maybe it's my background in journalism? Redeem is one of those words that I've sung in songs; but for a while didn't understand at all.

So, what's redeeming all about? Why is it important? Why do we sing about it?

Dictionary.com shares the definition I've heard most everywhere. And it's a definition associated with coupons: to exchange (bonds, trading stamps, coupons, etc.) for money or goods. Sounds like a trade, and it is. At Dictionary.com that's definition number 4. But the definition I needed to gain a complete understanding was definition number 8: to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, by paying a ransom.

Okay! Now we're getting somewhere. Think about it: I've made horrible choices that land me in the worst kind of slavery. At best, I become a slave to lies and manipulation and perfection-chasing and I'm exhausted! I've messed up my life and many other lives and I'm standing on this metaphorical slave-for-sale platform hoping deep inside that a prince will ride in on a white horse*** and find me worthy of his attention; but I know, as I look back on my choices, that I deserve to be a lowly slave.

So, the best I can do is wonder who or what will be my next master.

What happens, instead, I can hardly believe. A KING walks in and pays a rich ransom to the slave-trader and now I belong to a KING! AND, when I ask the KING what I can do (in this new role as one of his lowly slaves) he tells me that, instead, he's adopting me as his daughter and all he wants is for me to behave as his daughter. WOWEEEEE!! BLISS!!

Except...WHAT?...I have NO CLUE how to behave as the daughter of a KING!! And in fitting style, I don't relax and just enjoy it. No!! I run around trying to figure it all out...trying to find out, without asking, what the KING might like from me. I wonder what will impress him? I worry that I will embarass him. And like a little wind-up toy running around and bouncing off walls, I find myself doing everything hopelessly lame...feeling dumb. And every day, I hear temptation calling to me from beyond the KING'S walls...telling me a lie: that life is easier outside of the KINGDOM and surely I'll have fun and be fully accepted and worry free out there.

Yes, I even sneak away a few times. But, being undeservedly blessed with new glasses from the KING, I see the lie right away.

Easy is NOT what's most rewarding. That's the lie. What the world calls "easy" brings a quick fire-cracker style glimmer of fun, but no joy. What's the difference between fun and joy? Here's my word-picture: Fun is like sitting in front of a fan when it's 100 degrees outside. Ahhh...it feels really good...better than standing in the hot sun for sure...but walk away from the fan and you begin to sweat and you get...well, if you're me, you get pretty crabby! So, you find yourself enslaved to the feel-good fan. Get it?

Joy, on the other hand, is like moving yourself to the beach where it's cool all the time no matter where you go and you're free to walk on the beach and dip your toes in the water and invite friends to play...joy! Wonderful, eternal, cool and soul-soothing surroundings.

Gratefully, my KING (and he's your KING, too) is so patient. He watches my wind-up toy antics and just lovingly waits for me to come back and relax and be loved, free, protected, cared-for, doted-on. You get it now, don't you!!

Your adoption papers are already inked!!

**If you've always wondered why all the great storytellers use a picture of a hero riding in on a white horse to save the day, please know that it's not derived from some Western movie with John Wayne, check out Rev 19:11 and enjoy THAT picture of your future!!

Living without Lists

2008-07-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

Recently, while sharing my heart and some yummy coffee*** with my dear friend Tracy Swan at Starbucks, I shared that I was feeling overwhelmed at the speed at which Summer was coming to a close.

I shared with her that there would NEVER be enough time to complete all the super cool things on my Summer Projects list.

Yes, I have a Summer Projects list filed in Outlook, categorized by both Linda and Summer...coded with a due date of August 1. Why August 1, when school doesn't start until August 25? Well, to give me some breathing room, silly!!

Now THAT'S FUNNY!!! Breathing room?? Truth is, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to breathing room. I seem to have 2 speeds: 110 mph in a 25 mph zone... or... sound asleep.

So dear, cute, right-to-the-point-and-don't-you-love-that-about-her Tracy challenges me to live without lists.

WHAT?? NO LISTS?? But how would stuff get done?

"The right things will get done," Tracy said. "The things that don't get done were unimportant."

Hmmm....

I sat there smiling and nodding and thinking, "Good Tracy. You just keep thinking that things will get done without lists and I'll keep looking for monkeys to fly..."

We finished our coffees, talked about LOADS of other things, shared our gratitude for each other (she's just plain awesome) and left.

But then, as with most Godly Wisdom, the perculating and marinating began. Living without lists. I thought about times when I felt too busy to even sit down and make a list...and things did get done. The important things did get done.

But not all lists are bad, are they?

So, I marinated some more about lists. I discovered there are good lists. They seem to fall into the checklist category. For example, I'll bet Tracy was pretty happy the pilot of her last airline flight followed a checklist! She wasn't asking him to live without lists. No way!!

I thought of our family packing list: the one that reminds me to pack the oil-free spray-on sunscreen when we go to Shaver Lake so my handsome, smile-will-light-up-the-room hubby isn't peeling like a lizard for weeks. Ew!

Then, I thought about grocery lists. I can honestly say that a grocery list organized by the Food4Less store layout and cross-referenced to weekly meal planning is a downright beautiful thing. It saves both time and money and that makes me feel good, not overwhelmed!

Aha! So maybe that's what Tracy's suggesting!!! I walk away from lists that contain optional nice-to-have tasks and projects that sound wonderful but, ultimately, leave me feeling overwhelmed. It appears that once these nice-to-haves are turned into a line-item on a list, they become a burden to my heart.

Today, I must complete paperwork for a brand new family that has volunteered to host a girl from Sweden. I need to drive to their home and complete the home interview. I don't need to put this on a list. I simply know it must be done today.

If I get some "free" time this afternoon, however, I would like to complete a page or two in my faithbook album. I have a personal goal to have that album up-to-date in 2008. This isn't on a list either. I just know I have this goal.

I also know I need to get a part-time hourly job; but I didn't visit Outlook and create a "Get a part-time hourly job" listing. It's just an important, need-to-be-working-on-it thing.

Okay. I think I'm seeing a pattern!! The 2x4 is making it's gentle connection with my head. And I love what my life feels like when I listen to Godly Wisdom. So, let's give it a try!!

***iced sugarfree cinnamon dolce breve latte, if you must know, what's yours?? No, I'm serious! Hit the comments button down below and tell me yours!!

The Evil of Beds that are Made Every Morning

2008-07-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

Catchy title? I couldn't resist!!

After being encouraged (arm-twisting included) to start blogging; I'm realizing this is more of an art than a science. I'm feeling like a stranger in a strange land, for sure!!

So, after some eye-rolls and comments regarding the last post, I absolutely MUST qualify my comments.

Here it is: I do NOT think there's anything wrong with making the beds. As a matter of fact, I absolutely love it when the beds are made. Even better when there're clean sheets waiting underneath!!

The reason I used that example, however, is I've found that EVERYWHERE in life (it seems) are things we love for earthly reasons that take our attentions away from what God loves and, therefore, what He wants us to love.

What I know is this: Without Christ, I'm hideous.

And, when I found myself "barking" at my family in an attempt to get the house looking like the magazines...I realized an important truth about myself: Sometimes, in my hideousness, I momentarily forget about the preciousness of God's greatest love: His people. And in my impossible quest to be found perfect (or clever, or cute, or organized, or whatever) in the eyes of those who I admire, I miss the most important truth:

God created me to love. And I'm 100% sure that he created you to love, too. I know this because His word says so. Check out 1John 3:23.

So, when I get caught-up chasing something that the world says is SUPER-FANTASTIC and, in order to attain it, I try to steam-roller over people (especially my precious family), I hear the gentle whisper asking me to re-evaluate.

I share this here because God has given me a heart that hurts for those who continue to fish for that SUPER-FANTASTIC whopper of a lie (whatever the world has convinced them to admire) because I watch as they fish and fish...but the hook always surfaces empty and the cry of their heart is that their time feels wasted and lost.

If I have to choose between a perfect-looking house and a joyful-relaxed ease with the people God has placed around me...until I can manage to have both, I'll choose joy.

Perfection-Chasing vs Freedom

2008-07-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today I return back to "normal" life after being away for BLISS with my family. We enjoyed 2 days at the Shaver cabin and 2 days at Asilomar and Pacific Grove. The highlight of our time together was kayaking off Lover's Point in Pacific Grove and viewing the Monterey Bay Aquarium from the ocean while sea lions and otters played around us.

Consequently, this morning, I found myself thinking about depression and times that I feel extremely anxious. Those of you that know me well have been with me when I'll draw a deep breath in and blow it out fast to fight off an anxious thought. I simply don't know what I would do without Jesus in my life, especially in these moments. I believe this is the way that God has shown me to "demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2Cor10:5

Lately, I've had clarity enough to really examine what's happening in my mind when these anxious thoughts hit. I'm seeing that, without exception, these moments are brought on by a freight train collission between what the world says I "should" be doing and what I've learned by becoming a disciple of Jesus. A bumbling learner.

Here's a recent freight train moment: We volunteered to have the 4th of July party at our home. This involved having lifelong family friends of my in-loves, my husband's best friend from childhood (travelled all the way from Orange County) and his family. Once again, the children under the age of 12 nearly outnumbered the adults and there were 38 guests in all. We readied the pool, the patio, the family room, the guest bath...for the COMFORT and ENJOYMENT of our guests.

At one point during the party, my mother-in-love's friend asked for a tour. I didn't realize that she'd never been to our home. I began the tour showing her the exchange student guest room (newly redecorated...thanks Tracy!) and took her to the guest bath and Brooke's room. Brooke had picked everything off her floor and I was thinking that her room was looking pretty nice; however, the friend was clearly shocked that the bed was not made and commented out loud about it. Her daughter (also on the tour) said something like: "Mom, she's a teenager, she probably just got out of the bed." Everyone laughed...except me. Oh, no. I knew she had 3 more bedrooms to see upstairs. And I knew each bedroom had the doors pulled closed and NONE had neatly made beds. Ashamed, I actually walked away and let my mother-in-love finish giving the tour to her friend.

I was HORRIFIED and suddenly propelled back to my perfection chasing days where...in order to prepare for an event of this magnitude...I would've screamed and yelled at my family all morning, barking orders and even crying that everything was not perfect. I would've finished my nervous breakdown just as the doorbell rang. At that point I would've thrown on my fake smile for the first to arrive. My precious family (the ones that I cherish the most) would've sat there battle-scarred for the first hour or so wondering what kind of bi-polar behavior they were witnessing; but no one would've ever dared to talk about it. God showed me years ago that this wasn't HIS way.

But now, in this moment, I was dealing with the fact that I hadn't forced everyone to make their beds that day and I hadn't bothered to make mine either. Anyway, I didn't make eye contact with the friend the rest of the day and evening. It was hard to think of much else except to see myself as some kind of failure. And I continued to feel sad about the thought that my mother-in-love probably was held to explain why her son's daughter doesn't keep the house nice.

This is the best news: But then I go to The Word and I SNAP OUT OF IT!! I "blow out" those standards imposed by well-meaning, loving, and yes, even Christian friends and live according to what God has told ME he wants for my life. Two verses immediately come to mind as God scoops me up into his loving hands and holds me. Matthew 11:29-30 says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." The other verse is a treasure to my life. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

God has asked me (and you, let's be honest) to chase HIM, not the world's definition of perfect. He's asked me to be a loving wife and a loving mother, teaching and modeling HIM.

Somewhere along the line, God had shown ME that I couldn't have both. I couldn't have a home direct from the pages of "Country Living" magazine AND be gentle, humble in heart, rested, un-burdened and FREE of the world's slavery. Maybe someday, when there are no longer 3 and sometimes 4 kids running around our home I will go back to keeping everything perfectly tidy; but honestly, I don't want to be a woman that says (after the kids are gone), "I wish I would've spent more time playing Wii with my kids".

I'm not making the beds today, either. I will concentrate on the NEEDS. The suitcases will be unpacked. The clothes will be washed and folded. The dishes will be cleaned and ready for the next meal. I just finished walking for 30 minutes and doing weight resistence exercises for 20. My quiet time has produced this fruit and now a shower is well overdue. I'm in search of a part-time job where I can work hard while the boys are in school. I'm praying for a position that might open at Fresno State. (Pray with me for that, okay?) While the clothes are washing this morning, I will do my CM bookkeeping and make calls searching for families for exchange students. This afternoon, I will complete 2 more pages in my Faithbook. After that, I'll prepare the meal (fish tacos if you must know). I'll do these chosen NEEDS to serve God and the family he's given me.

Some will tell me, "I don't know how you do it all." And, instead of immediately thinking of everything I'm NOT doing and finding panic and anxiousness...I will "blow out" and think instead: "I can do ALL (necessary) things through Christ who strengthens me" and FREES me of the world's ball-and-chain of perfection-chasing to live a life of HIS easy yoke and light burden.

Right as a Verb?

2008-07-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog! I clearly felt led to create it this morning during my quiet time. Felt confirmed in doing it at small group this evening. Let's see what happens!!

Right as a Verb

In my "black and white" life, I've always thought of right being the opposite of wrong. There's wrong and there's right. Right?

This morning, I awoke determined to find the verse, "Let's enter His gates with thanksgiving". I found it (thank you Biblegateway.com) in Psalm 100. After reading it, and writing it as a first-person prayer in my journal, my mind focused on another verse. In a traditional celebration of communion I enjoy, the words are said,

"It is right to give our thanks and praise"

But then I had a moment of clarity where I felt the Lord speaking SO clearly to me and challenging me (as He always does) to think differently about His intentions.

When attending (not enjoying) communion in my twenties, I heard this phrase and thought, "Yes, it's the correct thing to do to be thankful and praise filled."

But this morning, I felt challenged to think of 'right' as verb, instead of an adjective.

Instead of RIGHT adjective; in accordance with what is good, proper, or just: right conduct.

I was to think of RIGHT verb; to put in proper order, condition, or relationship: to right a crookedly hung picture.

Taken directly from my quiet time journal: For me, suddenly, this morning "right" does not mean doing the proper thing--it means the verb "to right" like taking something that's fallen down and righting it. Suddenly I see a picture of a piece of art hanging crooked on the wall and a Sure and Gentle Hand carefully adjusting it until it sits straight again.

So, when I REthink "It is right to give our thanks and praise" I don't hear a bit of condemnation. Instead I hear: "When we give thanks and praise we feel the Master's hand gently adjusting us until our paths are straight and our relationships are in proper order with Him."