Boy, I hate that word! Do you hate that word? For a woman who loves words and doesn't allow the "h" word (hate) to be used around her, that's a pretty bold statement.
The thing is, I don't really hate that word. Once again, when I really consider things, what I hate is what the world around us has done to twist that word and make it seem like a painful prison cell for married women.
Let's consider the common places and times that we hear the word SUBMIT used:
Cop show on TV: "You're going to have to submit to a polygraph test. We know you're lying!"
US Government: "You must submit your tax payment within 30 days or face a penalty"
Prospective Employer: "You must submit your application, along with 3 references..."
Now, let's look at the dictionary.com definition of submit.
Based on what I'm hearing in the world and reading in the dictionary, if I were to give you my personal impression of the day-to-day definition of submission, I would say that it's: doing something that you don't like to do at all, because you're being forced to do it. Does that definition make you want to say, "Yes! Sign me up for some of that submission stuff!"?
It should be absolutely no surprise then, that women (and especially Christian women) bristle (ooh, that's a good word!) at the thought of submission to their husbands as the Godly head of the household. But, this is what the church teaches, right?
And as women, moving either boldly or cautiously along the road of following Christ, we're trying to gain confidence to follow Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. This is our goal. And then WHAM! we hear the message of submission and YOU BET! sometimes we put on the brakes.
Wouldn't you know it? One of the first studies I signed up for, after joining Tuesday morning women's Bible study, was a study on the "beauty" of submission. Except this author never got around to describing the beauty part. She was clearly a legalist. The truth about legalists is this: they enjoy rules more than they enjoy a relationship with Christ. They are all about truth; but usually short on grace. Legalists generally enjoy the feeling they get following rules and often fantasize about seeing others getting busted when they don't follow the rules.
The central verse on the submission Bible study I attended was Ephesians 5:22
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Here's my confession: what I was learning in this study was almost a "deal breaker" for me. It was a "God, you've got to be kidding me!" moment. This only-child of an alcoholic father, fiercely independent, survived-a-failed-marriage, learning to be a blended-family wife and now boy mom...was just NOT buying that this "wives should submit to their husbands in everything" was what God really wanted for my life. I was SURE in my heart that God did not create me to be a "doormat."
What did I do? Thankfully, instead of running away from my new faith, I prayed. I prayed another one of my "Linda being real" prayers. I think I prayed something like this, "God, I love you so much. And God...surely you're kidding me! This part of your Word is just not sitting well with me at all. Please show me what you REALLY mean or show me how in the world I'm going to REALLY do this."
And, being the Faithful Father that He is, He did!
Just a few days later, I was changing little Bryson's diaper. I had him up on the changing table and, as usual, I was wishing they had straight-jackets for babies (oh no! did I just say that out loud!) I longed for restraint of some sort because changing Bryson's diaper was ALWAYS a two-person job. One person was needed to hold him down and stop him from rolling over and getting up on his hands and knees...so the other person could do the strip, clean and replace routine. Only, moms, can I get an "Amen!" here?? There's only ONE of us!!
So, as I was trying to get through this ordeal, I was quoting my earthly father. Those of you who know me well, know that this is usually the start of a BIG problem. Quotes from Dad often contain, well, offensiveness.
In a low, drill-seargent-style voice, reminiscent of Dad, I said to Bryson, "Bryson, I'm GOING to change this diaper. And we can do this one of two ways. I've got the easy way...but if you want the hard way, I've got that, too!! Bryson, if you want to spend all afternoon fighting me on this changing table, you can! Just know that I WILL WIN! And you're wasting precious play time choosing the hard way!"
And, there it was! In that precise moment, God spoke directly into my heart. It was so loud I almost cried on the spot. He said,
"Daughter, you've just described submission as I intend it. You see, I've given you this man (Derek) to be in your life. You know in your heart that Derek is a gift from me, not some accidental choice. And, because you've given your life to me now and prayed begging Me for a changed life, YOU are on MY changing table.
My goals are the same as yours with Bryson in this moment: Strip, clean, replace. I want to strip you of your bad habits that are lies and are getting you nowhere. I want to clean you so that what flows out of you is Me. And I want to replace your sorrow with gladness. I will do this by using people I've placed around you. Some will be Christians, others will not. My primary tool will be Derek. There are good things that Derek has (that he might not even be aware are for you) that he WILL give you and do for you; but you MUST sit still and be completely open to the GIFTS that Derek has for you. You can fight Derek. You can compete with him for power. You can insult him, cutting him off at the knees with your belittling comments. You can even ignore him. But all of these choices are "the hard way". If you fight MY GIFTS that Derek carries that I created and intend JUST FOR YOU, you'll be wasting "precious play time".
So, I had to decide which I liked more: fighting, sarcasm and "games"? or precious play time? This shouldn't have been a difficult decision; except for old habits die hard.
Looking back, it has been the world (especially TV commercials) that has told me that I needed to resist. Resist being dominated! Resist being taken-advantage of! Resist conforming to silly rules!
The Truth I share with you is that I REALLY DID FIND "precious play time" in a submitted relationship to both Christ and my husband, sitting still and watching for His Gifts. And Christ and Derek are both teaching me through encouragement and love to resist. Resist loneliness and isolation! Resist the lie of power over another! Resist the world's empty, but tempting lies!
So, I encourage YOU the way I have been encouraged. Embrace the gifts that Christ has placed in people all around you. Gifts that He intends just for YOU!! Now, that's the real beauty of submission.
