Hitting the Window

I work from home now. This is a wonderful blessing! But, there are small burdens.

Today, as I began my workday, I heard a loud 'BANG'. And I knew. My heart sank.

One of "my" sparrows had flown full-speed into our living room window.

One of the blessings I enjoy is the patio of our downsized house. We've been here a year now; and I most enjoy the late afternoons (when the sun has dropped behind our west-facing house). There is cool and contentment awaiting me on the patio when I've completed my day's work.

I most enjoy watching the birds. My favorites are the sparrows and the hummingbirds. (My least favorite are pigeons, but that's another post topic). The sparrows and the hummingbirds also love the shade and the coolness; and they dart around and play as I relax and enjoy God's creation as if He created them "just for me". That's why I call them "my" sparrows.

So, when I ran to check the status of "my" sparrow, I found it had landed unconscious on the seat of one of the patio chairs. I watched with a sorrowful heart as it laid there. Charley, our Bichon-Frise is bred to be a bird-dog; so, I didn't dare open the door.

I debated whether to run out and hold the sparrow in my hands. I felt helpless.

So I did what I do every time I sense a feeling of helplessness: I prayed.

And I said, "Lord, your Word says you know every sparrow (Matthew 10:29) and you love them..." And then, my prayer was interrupted by a sense that the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart. And I heard,

"I love YOU like that!"

Instantly, the memory of the verse in Matthew and also in Luke (12:7) came to mind and heart. That's why we "store" God's Word in our hearts. I remembered those verses are about exactly what I prayed: God's infinite care for us.

In that moment, the sparrow began to shake violently; almost like a little sparrow-seizure. Again, I wanted to run out there and lift it into my hands. But, was that what was best for the sparrow? I found I deeply wanted what was best for that sparrow.

And then, it hopped up on its legs and crouched low. I agonized over whether it would survive. Thoughts of internal bleeding or brain damage crossed my mind; but, again, there was nothing I could do to heal it or bring it comfort.

Once again, I had to declare that "my" sparrow's life was in God's capable hands and His Will would prevail. Once again, I had to confess my trust in God and pray for His "good, pleasing and perfect Will" (Romans 12:2)

Knowing there are no cats in our neighborhood, and resolving to keep Charley in the house all morning, I could walk away and leave "my" sparrow, hopeful for a time of restoration.

God spoke to me through this situation as He does through many of the things I encounter in this life.

I "hit the window" sometimes.

And His Infinite Love for me causes Him a sorrowful heart as He watches me "lie there unconscious" (like when I try to justify some wrong I've done by ignoring Him or His Word...direction for my life) or "seizure" (like when I'm rude or fight against Him or others who try to help me).

But, here's Good News: God is NOT helpless.

He could easily reach down and hold me in His Warm Capable hands after I "hit the window". And He could choose to heal me on the spot. He could also choose, rather than heal me, to bring me "inside" to be with Him in His Home. By His Will, living with Him in Eternity.

In this season of my life, He chooses, instead, to watch from a safe distance and Love me and Provide a choice I can make, each day, to be with Him. (John 3:16)

After I "shake off" the pain and disorientation of "hitting the window", His Desire is that I be free, first and foremost (Galatians 5:1)...not captive in someone's hands, their shoebox, or under some false healer's control.

When I "hit the window" He first wants me to rest. And then, He wants me to "fly" again and show everyone how Wonderful the Power and Majesty of His Love, Creation and Care really is!  

"My" sparrow took time to rest; and then, feeling strong enough, flew away to rejoin the rest of Creation and play. And "my" sparrow will, indeed, testify of God's Greatness  - again and again -  to me and to others in times of play and in times of cool contentment.

Idols Discovered

Our Tuesday night community group is going through Kyle Idleman's Gods at War study.   As the study has gone through the list of common idols in our lives, I was judging myself immune.  I would ask myself, "Do I love that more than I love God?" and the answer would always be, "No, I'm good."  So I would listen to discussion, share stories about others I knew (without naming names) and spend a nice evening with people I treasure.

Then, while driving in my car one morning, I prayed from Psalm 139:23&24: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

God loves to answer prayers, especially the ones he teaches us to pray in His Word.  One of my favorite things about God, however, is that He rarely answers prayer in the ways that we think He might.

He answered my prayer, I believe, by allowing these hard circumstances, all at once for the Good He wants to do in me:

• What started as an exciting downsize move to a house we all love, has turned into delay after delay. Our belongings are all in boxes, taped and organizationally labeled, destined for the smaller house we believe God wants us to have.  Every bookshelf is taken apart and empty.  All the pictures are down off the walls and stacked in one room.  Everything is empty and ugly.  We've been given the go-ahead to move to the Broadbent House.  Our offer was accepted and a close date of July 19 was chosen.  Then, we learned the buyers of our house were having un-anticipated problems with their loan. 
• In the interim, I was led to apply for a job I was told could take months to land.  I really didn't want a new job until after we moved and got settled; but the job offer came before the keys to Broadbent, so I trusted God and became excited about this new job.  Yesterday, I was told I would not be working that job after all.  
• Our dear pet Guinea Pig is dying.  I'm doing all I can to minister to her health according to the vet's instructions; but it appears she's finished.  And all I can do is watch...helpless.  It doesn't seem wise to spend money we don't have to put a 4.5 year old Guinea Pig in the pet hospital on IV fluids when their life span is 4-6 years.  That's wisdom, sure; but I'm hurting!!

 My sweet German daughter Vivi compared my life's circumstances right now to that of Job.  I pushed back!  I said, "No, this isn't like Job at all.  Job lost his family and his health.  I have my family and I have regained my health. And I have healthy fruit-bearing ministry to volunteer within.  I just don't have good circumstances.  It's just every circumstance connected to me that's pitiful." 

As we talked it through, however, we discovered that, regardless of the differing circumstances, the bottom line was and is EXACTLY the same: God WINS and wants to remain at the center of our lives.  Or, taken from a line in a favorite song of mine, sometimes God places us in the midst of circumstances that will teach us important life lessons and, in the midst of circumstantial poverty:  "all you really have here now is 'Me'".  You can listen to this gut-wrenchingly wonderful song called "Welcome to Delaware" by Watermark by clicking on the link.

As these circumstances began to fall in layers, I spent a tiny bit of time thinking, "God, what did I do wrong?"  "Is Broadbent the wrong house?" "Is this the wrong job?"  This is where the story of Job is SO valuable.  I need NOT spend time thinking these thoughts.  They are fed by Enemy minions.  I think God includes the story of Job in the Bible to demonstrate the types of things the Enemy wants to do to try to destroy our Joy.  But, even more important, He shows us through Job that even when everyone around us will say, "You're being punished for something, JUST GIVE UP!" we have an opportunity to cling to God and love Him MOST and everlasting!  And, regardless of our circumstances, when we cling to Him, we are His!  And He loves (verb) us. 

It was after debating Job that I realized what was REALLY happening:  I had prayed to God to ask Him to show me "any offensive way" in me and HE WAS ANSWERING that prayer.  And he was showing me, through the lessons on idolatry, the offense.

I am confessing today that:

• I love the home I've created for our family.  I grew up in a dirty, smoke-filled home.  My childhood home represented chaos and disorder.  The home I maintain for our family represents peace and orderliness.  I love it.  And, until everything was chaotic, boxed up, taken apart and going NOWHERE and I was forced to live in the chaos, I didn't realize that I loved my home too much.  It had somehow become an idol in my life: something of first importance to me.  God desires to be first.  And through this circumstance He is powerfully showing me an "offensive" way in me that I must confess and turn from.
• I love being seen as someone clever, hard-working, dependable, orderly, organized and imaginative.  I have worked no fewer than 3 jobs at once ever since turning 15 1/2 when I got a job during lunch hour at a sandwich shop, worked at Wienershnitzel after school and babysat on weekends.  People call me AR.  Friends call me OCD.  I love (verb) my family and co-workers by keeping things orderly so they can find what they need easily and spend more time doing what they enjoy.  After the house went into sustained chaos, I threw myself into my new job: spending time studying whatever I could so that I had all the newest tools for organizing and providing solutions.  First, God allowed a misunderstanding that resulted in FIVE days without the Internet.  No more online research for me!  Then, when I still didn't recognize the "offensive thing" God was showing me, I got an email yesterday afternoon informing me that my client had asked for someone else.  No job.  I have loved DO-ING and being recognized as excellent more than I have loved God.  I must turn from this!
• I still think I have control over most things.  I thought I had learned that I don't.  Sitting next to my mother, dying of COPD, robbed of her memory, I learned I cannot control any important things.  Watching our sweet "Lou-Girl" die, regardless of money I've spent at the vet, medicines I've administered right-on-time, food I've given according to the package directions...helps me see that I must also stop believing that I have any meaningful control over anything lasting.  Clearly, God is using this circumstance to display another "offensive way in me".   I don't want to be my 'god'.  I don't want to be my family's 'god' or my friends' 'god'.  I want God to be God.  I want to point to Him on the Throne.  I want His perfect Will over my life and the lives of my family and friends. 

So, wow.  I honestly don't know what to do today.  I know I can still keep a nice house and work a good job and strive for excellence and encourage myself and others toward health and freedom.  Those things aren't bad.  My love of those things and my pride about those things is what's bad.  Putting those things on a pedestal has to go!   I also know that trying to DO this change in myself would be a tremendous mistake.  God will make this change in me at His pace according to His timing.   

"Supposed to..."

I am realizing this morning that "supposed to" is the opposite of following Christ.

I didn't realize the powerful way that "supposed to" was infiltrating my thinking and attitude.  I'm going to be bold and say that "supposed to" is a nasty tool of the flesh existing to torment and disappoint.

And this morning, as I begin my quest to eradicate "supposed to",  I believe I'm going to LOVE my life of following Christ even more when I let "supposed to" go.

Here are some examples that left me completely empty yesterday afternoon and evening.

• We were "supposed to" get the keys to our new house on Friday
• We were "supposed to" have movers move our big furniture to make the move smooth and safe
• I was "supposed to" meet my new client yesterday afternoon
• I was "supposed to" get to sleep late during the summer
• I am "supposed to" make a perfect healthy meal for my family every evening

We've been studying the sins that poison our daily lives in our adult small group.  Anger, Jealousy, (notice those are the first two I think of) Guilt and Greed.  I highly recommend "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley.  He describes the way these emotions can hurt us; but also describes the antidotes: Forgiveness, Celebration, Confession and Giving.  I enjoy books that offer practical help.

This morning, I think I'm discovering a personal link between "supposed to" and Anger and Jealousy.  

Yesterday, I went to our new house to meet our agent and greet our pest control guy as our agent let him in to do his work.  I stood in the house and instead of enjoying our soon-to-be new home, I found myself thinking and talking about how "frustrating" it all is.  We were "supposed to" be already moved in.  

Then, I went outside and discovered our new neighbor in the front yard of her new home.  She was asking some construction guys to move their cars because their moving van was on its way.  I smiled and went to meet her.  Her name is Angela and she seems really nice.  I felt a moment of gratitude to be blessed with nice neighbors; but the gratitude was quickly overshadowed when I became SO JEALOUS that she was getting to move in before us.  After all, we were "supposed to" move in on the 19th.  We're "supposed to" be baking cookies for her and welcoming her to the neighborhood.  But NO!!!  (can you feel the jealousy fueling the anger even as you read this?)  

Honestly, I had to cancel the rest of my day.  A bitter spirit consumed me.  I was mad (alternating with sad) at everything.  Sleep was my only retreat and escape.  I prayed as I fell asleep that God would sing over me as I slept and heal this hurt.  

He is SO faithful when we ask Him for the VERY THING He wants to give us.  

I awakened feeling refreshed.  I read a devotion that left me feeling convicted and resolute.  I shared a prayer with our small group that was helping me.  And I wrote this blog post.  He provided ALL the Wisdom I needed (James 1:5) for Freedom (Galatians 5:1) once again!  Praises!!

"Mind Blown"

I had a TREMENDOUS, life-altering time with the Lord during "quiet time" last week.

Many people ask me about how to have a "quiet time".  There's no right answer.  It's personal...very personal, actually.  But I'll share what I've been doing during my "quiet time" as I tell this story.

I get up every morning and head straight to my quiet time couch.  Usually, I awaken with a prayer on my heart and, after greeting the Lord and telling Him how much I love him, I begin there.

Then, I'll turn to a devotion that is specifically scripture based.  Right now, I'm LOVING Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  I also love most devotions by Max Lucado.

I read the devotion for that day and then go into the Bible to see the scriptures that inspired it.  I ask God specifically to reveal what He wants me to know about Him through these scriptures. .  My dear friend LeAnne Varenkamp taught me to use "SOAP" each morning as I journal:

S: Scripture-write out the scripture in the Bible version you are reading
O: Observations-write out your simple observations about this Bible verse
A: Application-write out how you think this verse applies to your life right now
P: Pray-write out a prayer, praying the verse back to God

Then, sometimes, being a "word nerd" I will research a Greek or Hebrew word within the verse that's "jumping out at me" and I'll see if God has any hidden nuggets of goodness in the languages used to document the original Bible.

On October 27, I awaked with a cry of HELP in my heart!   Earlier this year, I began feeling a nudge to "step aside" from my Director of Family Ministries job.  Everything I encountered in my prayer life and in the circumstances around me confirmed that nudge, turning it (after not initially obeying it) into a full-fledged SHOVE.  So, here I was this morning, having just resigned from a perfectly good job working at a church where I love to worship.

I knew I was obeying God; but, as I worked through my two weeks of notice, I felt very confused.  It's SO counter cultural to leave a paying job (not well paying...this is a church we're talking about) for nowhere-ness.  The battle in my head was waging HEAVY!

I woke up asking God, "Am I an idiot?"  (yes, I talk "normal" to God.  He created me, so he knows me best)  "Have I turned the wrong direction?"  "Did I miss you?"  "How will we pay our bills?"  "Can't you tell me more?"

I opened the 'Jesus Calling' devotion and it said,

"As you become increasingly aware of My Presence, you find it easier to discern the way you should go. This is one of the practical benefits of living close to Me. Instead of wondering about what is on the road ahead or worrying about what you should do if…or when…, you can concentrate on staying in communication with Me.When you actually arrive at a choice-point, I will show you which direction to go."

Wow.  Okay!!

Then, I researched the Bible verse that inspired her devotion.  It was Psalm 32:8.  And I wrote it down in my journal:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Only, I accidentally wrote it this way:

I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Hearing a gentle whisper to, "Look at the verse again" I noticed that I had written 'ways' instead of 'way'.  So, I said to the Lord, "Isn't that just like me, Lord.  Running around in many 'ways' when there is only one 'way'?"  And, being a well trained copy editor, I struck out the extra letter that didn't belong.  

But, now it looked like this:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way$ you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

"Oh no, Lord! Now it looks like a dollar sign!!"  

And then I heard in my soul,  "Sweet one, you often 'run around' in many 'ways' because of money, when there is only ONE WAY and I have prepared that one way for you.  Stop."  

Convicted.  I sat convicted.  I use my responsibility strength and administration gift in our home to pay the bills and, sometimes, I worry about where the money will come from.  I didn't think it affected my decision-making very much; but here was our Lord telling me He didn't enjoy or approve of my 'way$'. 

Wow.

After getting this all written down (won't my kids love these stories?) I decided I had time enough to research the Hebrew words in this scripture.  Which one?  

Well, I knew that in the New Testament Jesus refers to Himself as 'The Way'.   I wondered what word in the Old Testament Hebrew would be the word for 'the way'.

My favorite "word nerd" site for this kind of research is www.biblesuite.com.  I opened this site and clicked on the word 'way' within this verse to reveal it's Hebrew history.

What I saw took my breath away!

I was asking God to show me 'the way' and the Hebrew word in that particular verse is DEREK?  Are you kidding me?

For those of you that know me, Derek is my earthly rock, my best friend, my husband.  Given as a gift to me by God, I firmly believe.

I couldn't wait to share this with the family!

Blake immediately tweeted, "Mind Blown".

Bryson loved every minute of our time together hearing from God. I could tell that his admiration of his father was growing again.

And Derek was clearly moved and humbled.

And me?  Unashamedly willing to admit that I had been, once again, "striving in the flesh" instead of resting in the arms of the ONE, the I AM, who created me and created 'the way' for me to live...never in fear or confusion...but in complete Faith.

So, I'm unemployed and quietly waiting at the feet of Jesus for Him to reveal His 'way'.

Getting Weird at the End of the School Year

My dad was an air traffic controller and pilot for fun.  My mother was a stewardess.  Life's analogies for me often appear in terms of airplanes and flying.

So this morning, after dropping off the kids at their schools, I found myself thinking about the pace that comes at the end of school.  I decided that, with multiple children and a foreign exchange student in the home, the end of the school year feels more like bracing for a Sioux City, Iowa crash landing than placing my seat back and tray table into the locked and upright position and gliding into a "normal" landing.

Awards assemblies, yearbooks, youth group potlucks, finals, preparing exchange students and host families for the students' departures, band concerts, graduation, graduation parties, gifts for teachers...the list is long and exhaustive.  And potentially exhausting.

I recently finished a powerhouse of a book called Weird...because normal is not working, by Craig Groeschel. You can read more about this book here.  I'm continuing to learn that the difference between exhausting high-speed living and comprehensive high-capacity living is focusing on staying "weird".

When I'm "normal" I say, "Yes" to everything and complain to everyone within listening distance about "how overloaded" I am.  I pretend like I'm complaining; but I'm really bragging about how terrific I must be.

When I'm "weird" I focus on saying, "Yes" to those activities with lasting significance at the beginning of the year SO THAT our Stephens family can continue our tradition of family dinners at the dinner table together.

Let's examine one recent common end of year activity:  The End of Year Band Concert.  If your child is not playing an instrument this year, you can easily substitute sports playoff game, awards assembly, science fair...you get the idea.

When I'm "normal" I spend the entire band concert texting and talking on my phone in the back of the room.  Or I even step outside to make or take calls.  There are so many details to handle, after all!  When I'm not texting or talking on my phone, I'm trying to connect socially with the other moms in the room (taking roll, if you will) so that we can meet later and commiserate about our busyness.

When I'm "weird" I spend the entire band concert making eye contact with each of the children on the stage, smiling and cheering them on!!  I am not thinking of the next place I need to be.  I am concentrating on being fully present. And I file some moments away in my mind so that I can show the kids how important they are by retelling specific parts of the concert where I was proud of their behavior or the behavior of a classmate.  I focus on stories that will build their character.  My phone is put away (unless I use it to take a picture or two).  And, whenever possible, the pictures I take are of our child flanked by Nana and Papa and Sissy and Bo SO THAT our children can recall and remember the devotion of family and reproduce it later in their own lives and families.

I commit to being weird that God would be Glorified and pleased and for the lasting effects on the next generation!!

Join me?

God Delights in RIGHT Behavior

I'm excited to share (pass along) a story from someone precious to me. 

Her name is Vivi.  I skype with her every Saturday morning and we share what's great, as well as what's not so great, with each other.  I know she thinks I'm encouraging her (I'm old enough to be her mom) but I must share that her life and her observations encourage me in GREAT ways!


Vivi is studying at University in Germany to be a physical therapist.  She is learning about proper movement and motion and the RIGHT use of muscles, etc.

Last Saturday she told this story:

Vivi said that she's been spending some time in a children's hospital observing children whose illnesses have taken away the ability for them to move properly. 

After much observation, she shared that she had become a bit weary and discouraged watching these children try to navigate.

Then, in an unusual turn of events. she was asked to babysit a visiting sibling of a child who was ill while that child was taken from their room for testing.  So, she sat and watched and played with the healthy sibling.

She shared with me that she found herself DELIGHTING in the movements of the healthy child.  She had been watching so many children who could not move in age-appropriate ways, that watching this healthy child made her heart soar and put a sweet smile on her face.  (She didn't say "sweet smile"; I added that because Vivi's smile is one of the sweetest I've seen).

It was in that moment, Vivi shared, that she realized a tiny bit of the DELIGHT that God, our Father, feels when He watches us move in a RIGHT way, free from sin.  She felt excited and joyous at the thought that our RIGHT moves could DELIGHT God in much the way OR MORE than she felt watching the healthy child.

Here's the thing:   Sin corrupts our RIGHT movements just as illness corrupts the movements of the children Vivi was observing in that hospital.  And God's heart is grieved when our movements are corrupted by sin. 

What's important?  The children in that hospital did not choose their illness.  They would NOT choose their illness.  They have no choice.  But WE HAVE A CHOICE!  We can choose to walk away from sin, accept the healing protection that a life with Jesus offers, and begin to move in a RIGHT way. 

And we'll feel the joyous DELIGHT of God. 

Peer Pressure

What do you think of first when I say, "Don't give in to peer pressure"?

Your first thought immediately goes to teenagers. Am I right?

Turns out, peer pressure might begin during our teenage years; but it CERTAINLY doesn't end there!

I learned years ago, through the wonders of Myers-Briggs, that my personality type is called ISTJ.  Should you desire, here is more about Myers-Briggs and more about this personality type:   Myers-Briggs ISTJ  I notice here that the ISTJ personality is called the Duty Fulfiller.  I also learn that I have a need to decide based on facts and EVIDENCE.

This precious season of my life, what I am facing right now, brings much peer pressure.  People who are PRECIOUS to me are making decisions that don't match my decisions.  They are making decisions using EVIDENCE that the Lord has simply NOT provided to me.  

It's important to say that those dear to me are not making BAD decisions; they're just feeling led to choose DIFFERENTLY.  Our paths diverge.

The temptation to decide as they have decided, and cling to them because they are precious, is tremendous and overwhelming. 

What is the over-riding voice of this temptation? 

What voice do I hear in my head?  

It sounds like this:  "They MUST know something you don't know!!  You NEED to find out what they know so that you can turn the same direction that they are turning...before it's too late!  Demand their EVIDENCE!"  

The voice carries with it two senses:  one of conspiracy and the other of urgency.  This voice is NOT the voice of my Lord.  Jesus doesn't speak to me this way.  There is an enemy to my soul, who continually lies to me, who speaks this way.

How easy it would be to give in to this voice!  Simple.  Quick.  And, sadly, there would be LOADS of loving support from those around me as I turned to join this small crowd.

But I choose, instead, the way set before me by Jesus Himself.  The difficult way.  Complex.  Slow.  And, sadly, many of those around me might find themselves confused.

This morning, during a short quiet time,  I was reminded why I must choose this way.

In Proverbs 3:3  (just before the famous 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."verse)  we find that Solomon, easily the richest and wisest man to walk the earth to this day (move over Bill Gates), providing this wisdom:

"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thy heart."

You can read more about this verse here: Proverbs 3:3

My favorite part of the human commentary on this verse is when the commentary writer encourages us to "reckon it as your greatest honour, glory, and beauty, that you steadfastly adhere to these things"  and continues on to say that "nothing makes a believer look more lovely in conversation than a close regard to the truths of Christ, and a constant walking in his ordinances."

At our New Harvest Church there is a steel beam holding up the entrance to the lobby.  These words are cut into the metal of that beam:  Jesus Full of Grace and Truth.  

Hundreds of years after Solomon encourages us to wear grace and truth around our necks like a beautiful scarf for all to see and admire, Jesus arrives to say, "I AM the way and the truth and the life..." (John 14:6)  

Today, as I wrap myself in "mercy and truth" I ask Jesus to provide the determination that I will NOT look to the left or the right (Joshua 1:7) and I will fully depend on Him to provide every bit of EVIDENCE I need to make the decisions that HE ALONE wants me to make.  

All I've ever wanted is that my life would stand in testimony of His Goodness, Mercy and Truth and leave a legacy of loving and following Him.  

Even when those around me are making seemingly "good" decisions that tempt me to join; I will rely on Jesus to provide me with His BEST!

Dogged Determined Devotion

Yesterday and today, I've noticed that I've had more regular thoughts of gratitude about my dog Charley.  

I just love him.  He's special to me because he came to me after prayer as a delight to my heart.  

He's special to me because he once belonged to a friend and mentor, Rose MacAlpine.  

He's also special to me because, in so many ways, he's a good and faithful dog.

On Fridays, because my workweek begins on Sunday, I take Sabbath rest.   Today, I was curling up on the couch to have quiet time and, of course, Charley was absolutely thrilled that he would be able to curl up next to me.  

Then, I forgot my pen.  I got up and, although I told Charley to stay put, he was SO anxious to be wherever I was...he followed me.  After I got settled again and realized I forgot my iPhone.  Before you dismiss this as ridiculous (why does she need her iPhone during quiet time?) know that I subscribe to devotionals that are sent to my iPhone so I can hear the Word anywhere and anytime.  So I went downstairs and, although Charley really wanted to continue his cuddle time on the couch, he followed me...just in case I wasn't coming back.  When I returned, he hopped up ready again to snuggle and nap.  

So, I opened my journal and first asked God what He wanted me to consider today.  And, again, my mind focused on Charley as I felt wonderful gratitude for him.  

I worried that I might be horribly distracted; but then I realized then that it was Charley and Charley's attitude that God wanted me to consider in my heart and mind.

My friend Greg Swan encouraged me to read a favorite book of his, 'Dog and Cat Theology.'  The book contrasts how dogs and cats relate to their owners.   A dog says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, you must be God.'  A cat says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God.'  The authors Bob Sjogren and Gerald Robison encourage us to consider the God-given traits of cats ('you exist to serve me') and dogs ('I exist to serve you') to challenge our own attitudes about our relationship to God.

So here I am, telling God what I notice about Charley and observing the attitude that God is gently asking me to adopt and embrace.  

Charley is pretty much singularly focused.  He eats and drinks to survive and he does his level best to go outside to poop; (that's another story, entirely) but truly his world revolves around that next moment that he might get to spend with his master.  

Charley is not content to just know that his master exists and is somewhere in our home.  Charley MUST be WITH his master.  

Charley's ideal location is touching his master.  If I am sitting on the couch, Charley does everything possible to be lying next to me.  If I am using the computer, Charley hogs the chair so that he can be WITH me. (Here is a picture of Charley waiting for me to return to my computer time.)  If he gets too warm, he moves a further distance away; but remains where he can see me. 

This is a picture of dogged (yes, pun intended) determined devotion.  

And I must say as I sit here in my chair typing away I feel Charley's breaths become long and full and I observe that being with his master must be the place where Charley feels most peaceful.  I really do think his "joy is complete"  John 15:11

Charley's chief concern in life is abiding with his master.  And when our family is away at work and school, I imagine that he looks forward to the next moment he can abide.  

And now I realize why God would ask me to look closer at Charley.  

I find myself convicted that dogged determined devotion is not always the picture of my life.  

And I praise God that He is patient and kind and shows me these pictures of what my life can be by abiding.  

I remember that I spend a lot of time in "do-do".  Not Charley's kind, but the kind where I run around trying to please God by what I DO for Him instead of waiting for Him to show me where He is and simply being WITH Him.  (see John 15)

Wow.

And what about Charley's master?  What can be observed and recorded as I think about my relationship with Charley?  

I love Charley.  It's a deep love.  Pet owners understand this love.  Those who have not chosen to have pets generally don't understand the depth of this love.  And some who have not chosen to enter into this kind of relationship make fun of this love.  This makes me want to encourage more people to become pet owners.  

I want the best for Charley.  

I smile just thinking about him.  I talk about him.  My friend Jeanette and I trade stories about our Charley dogs (she has a small dog named Charley, too.

When Charley obeys, my smile widens and I say to him "good dog".   It's clear that when I call Charley "good dog" he feels greater contentment.  

When Charley does not obey, I feel disappointment.  I try to clean up the resulting mess. (There is almost always a mess associated with Charley's disobedience)  Sometimes the mess is un-fixable and it serves as a constant reminder of Charley's disobedience; but it doesn't change how deeply I love him.  

Instead, Charley's disobedience makes me want to spend more time teaching him how to behave, praising his obedience and pointing out the peace that results from his obedience. 

I'm grateful that He loves me (His love is DEEP and difficult for those who do not know Him to understand) and I realize how much He wants me to abide with him.  I realize how much I want EVERYONE to know and experience this love.  (see Romans 10:13)

He wants the best for me.  (see Jeremiah 29:11)

I think about how my breathing is short and shallow when I am in "do-do" mode and how I am at "perfect peace" (see Isaiah 26:3) when I am in super close proximity to where God is at work and I am focused on Him, ready to serve. 

And I think about the sweetness of someday being with Him and hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (see Matthew 25:23)

The Game of Tag and Home Base

I was in prayer the other morning and a dear friend of mine, Kathy, was praying.  She was thanking God for the small children she leads in her small group.  She was describing their play while praying and I happily drifted into sweet pictures in my heart of children playing on a playground.

I thought back to the game most played at recess in the early years of school and saw these children playing tag.  I could sweetly hear the giggles and squeals of joy as they ran around on the grass and blacktop chasing one another.

I could feel the thrill of running just fast enough to avoid the tag of the friend who was "IT" and reaching "home base" (usually a big strong tree) touching it, and shouting "SAFE!"  At that, the person who was "IT", would run away to pursue someone else and I would have a break to plan where to run next.

At this point in my prayer experience, I heard a voice inside me say, "I'm Home Base, you know."

My first reaction?  I prayed, "Huh?"

Honestly, I can be slow and stubborn, more often than not.  I usually have to ask the voice to repeat Himself.

And the voice said, "I'm THE place to run to.  I'm Home Base!"

This made me think more deeply about the concept of "home base" and playing tag.

I remembered that, once we were upper graders, we wise-in-our-own-eyes children decided that "home base" was a crutch for the slow ones. We even decided that the game would be more fun played without a "home base". We decided we needed the excitement of running after one another without a safety net.  Yes, it was much more exciting this way; yet also SO MUCH more terrifying.

I also remember the year that I quit playing.  The other kids were faster than I was; and they knew that if they tagged me, I would remain "IT" for the entire recess.  It was thrilling for them; it was defeating for me.  I switched to jump rope.

These thoughts now caused me to think about growing up and becoming adults; and how so many of us deny one another (and ourselves) the wonderful, sweet safety of "Home Base".  I hear people say things like, "That's just not reality."  Or, "Life's just not that simple."  Yet, I also hear many of these same adults long for the days of their childhood. They long for rest, a slower pace, a break.

G.K. Chesterson said, the Christian life has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Jesus IS Home Base.  His protection and the assurance of an eternal life, love, joy and rest in Him is EXACTLY what we need!!

When we're out there "running around" and "going after" one another, trying to be "one step ahead" of the guy who's "IT", don't we long for a place we can run to...and touch...and call, "Safe"?  Many adults hang their hopes on finding this safe rest in a vacation.  And yet, those same adults return from their vacation tired, long-faced, and even more desperate, or even defeated, desiring just to quit.

Well, I can share in complete transparent honesty that "Home Base" is Real.  "Home Base" is Necessary.  Home Base is Available. And Home Base is the Warmest, Most Wonderful place I've ever been.  I've found life, love, joy and rest in the Christian life and being Jesus' disciple.

And my trips away from the base of that Tree have become fewer and fewer.  I prefer to stay close to the Tree and listen.  I respond.  I embrace. And I rest.  And I know that death is not final for me or for any in my sweet family.  I no longer have to look over my shoulder in sheer terror, wondering when I'll be tagged next and will run around feeling completely exhausted.  I'm SAFE.  

Are you SAFE?

Where have I been?

I got lost for a bit.

Thankfully, God shows us a picture (in Matthew 18:12) of how He will leave the 99 in search of the 1 that's lost to bring that one back.

The minute I saw Him I ran back!!

I discovered something important this week: I already knew the feeling of God's pleasure when I serve Him using my gifts. I live for that. What I didn't know was that I am lost from the feeling of His pleasure when I rest.

Does He want me to rest? You bet!! He says so in His Word. He says, (in Matthew 11:28) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. He doesn't say, "Come to me and I'll give you more to do because I'm happiest when you're hard at work." There's no record of that in His Word anywhere.

I returned from our vacation spewing (good word, huh?) platitudes (wow, I'm on a roll!) about how God was not evident on our cruise ship or at the various ports of call and I felt homesick for Him. This oozed ridiculous religiousity.

Gratefully, He didn't allow me to continue with this line of thinking. Next thing I knew, He was asking me to confront my thinking and compare it to Him.

In case this feeling is foreign to you, it feels like the worst kind of dread when I encounter it. I pray that He will keep me close to Him and He does. So, when I run out from under His covering, I feel dreadful. That feeling of dread causes me to look immediately to the paths I've been most recently travelling and evaluate them in His Light.

I had coffee with my friend Dzovig. She's a sweet, faithful barracuda. If you don't have a friend like her, get one!! I spewed my platitudes to her; but she wasn't buying it for a minute. She asked something like, "If working with God feels good, why aren't you also feeling good resting with God?"

I walked around feeling dreadful for a bit longer, aware that Dzovig had touched on something, but still not knowing what to do. I walked into work after taking an extra day off and began to cry. The faces of my coworkers and the works that awaited me were tender and wonderful.

One precious coworker waited days and then asked me, "Hey friend, how are you doing?" It wasn't one of those times to say, "Fine, thanks." That's not the answer Kelly is looking for when he asks. I couldn't answer; instead, I just cried. We prayed together, asking the Spirit to reveal His message for me and, faithfully, the Spirit did not disappoint.

It is MY joy to rest WITH God...my job to look for him and stay close to Him wherever and whatever He has me doing. I didn't even realize that I saw rest as something you go away from God and do. How do you "do" rest anyway, right?

WOW! That seems like a simple truth; but it was not how I was living my life. Thanks to the 'Experiencing God' Bible study, I see God as Supreme and always at work. I see my privilege as one of joining Him in His work. What I didn't know is that I got lost thinking that when I needed a break, I needed to go away from Him.

What a putz!! Is that how you spell it? The dictionary didn't like it; but I'll bet you understand exactly what I'm saying.

I share this with you because you are precious to me and maybe this will bless you.

I shared this "place" I was in with my boss. Greg. He shared a section from a book I highly recommend, "Leadership Prayers" by Richard Kriegbaum. This book, with the wisdom embedded in prayers, will transform you! On page 54 there was a prayer calling out the phrase, "I tried to go beyond the strength you gave and I have exhausted myself."

Clearly, if God promises rest in His word, with the command "Come to me" it is wise to rest WITH Him so that He will give all the strength needed for the next (or continuing) journey.

Ah, lesson discovered! Now to pray for real-life application...

I've begun a more in depth search of the Word for truths I missed before. One truth that I love, that I quote often is from Solomon. After being the richest and smartest (watch out Bill Gates) man to have ever lived, Solomon shares his greatest truth. He says, "Above all else, keep a vigilant watch over your heart because that's where life starts." I share this with my children on a daily basis. There are so many unknowing people and situations being used by the Enemy to attack our sweet hearts. We must guard them!

Today, in my quest to read through the entire Bible in a year, I read through 1Peter.

And then (in 1Peter 4:8) Peter says, "Above all..." That got my attention immediately!

Peter's a man I can definitely relate to even more closely than to Solomon. Peter was a simple fisherman called by Jesus. Peter said, "Yes" and then made LOTS of recorded mistakes, all the while continuing in his desire to follow Jesus.

Here's what Peter said as he shared his "above all" truth.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

I share this with you today after taking this morning to begin a new journey of discovering how it feels to rest WITH God feeling completely refreshed. Join me?

Proof of Blessing

Was reading yesterday about Thomas, the doubter. I like him. He was honest without being disrespectful.

He wanted PROOF that Christ had risen. While everyone was excitedly talking about seeing Jesus after being buried, Thomas asked specifically to put his hands where the nails had penetrated Jesus' hands. He even asked to put his hands INTO the wound in His side. Ew!

But honestly, I understand Thomas. I like proof, too.

But Jesus said something, after providing proof, that knocked me down yesterday as I read it.

After Jesus gives Thomas EXACTLY what he asked and Thomas has his proof, Jesus says, "You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me."

At first blush, I read this as Jesus scolding Thomas. But I grew up being scolded and scolding others, so I have to ask God to give me fresh new eyes to read these words so that I can see the Message from His perspective. Why did He make these specific Words a part of His Living Message?

After asking this, I read it all again and found myself focused anew on the word "BLESSED".

I noticed that I had been reading it like it was an old English word, Bless-ed. Like it was inconsequential. With new eyes, I see that this word is VERY consequential.

The consequences are these:

You decide that you will believe without seeing. You decide that you will believe without proof. You decide to stop demanding and, instead, give your life over to follow Jesus fully.

And, in this one sentence (one tiny sentence) Jesus promises that He will retroactively BLESS your life.

Okay, doubters., imagine this: Your grandmother pulls you aside for a sweet moment when you turn 16. She says she's looked forward to this moment since you were born. Your grandmother looks into your eyes and tells you that, on the day you were born, a King came to stand beside your cradle. She tells you about this King's majesty, handsome beauty and soft kindness. Then she tells you a surprising, but exciting truth. The King traveled all this way to speak a blessing over your life. And she describes to you all the things this King spoke. He spoke over you that your life would be marked with greatness; but not according to this puny world's standards. He spoke gifts into your life that you would touch others with kind inspiration. He spoke that you would encounter many obstacles and heartaches; but you would not only overcome those, you would use them to comfort others. And finally this King spoke over you that while many things and people would try to enslave you and dominate you; your life would be marked with freedom: a peace and contentedness that defied all explanation.

So the REAL question is this: How would we live our lives if we all knew that there had been a profound blessing upon us at birth? I know that, if I had heard and believed this at age 16, there would be MORE wonderful stories to tell and fewer instances of vultures circling the skies over roadkill created by my poor choices.

Here's the Truth: When you choose to follow Christ (the King), no matter what age, it's as if He retroactively appears at the side of your cradle, adopts you as His own, speaks a blessing over your life that NOTHING will be wasted and gives you freedom to live in peace and contentedness according to His blessings.

"Blessed are those who believe without seeing me"

I'm experiencing a season of my life where the "roadkill" is being redeemed...changed...do I dare say resurrected to a new life? I don't say this to minimize Christ's sacrifice and victory; I use this word to show that His death and resurrection are Ongoing...Living and Life-Restoring. I chose at age 31 to "believe without seeing" and I am just amazed to encounter regular moments where something that felt terribly bad in my past (that I prefer and try unsuccessfully to forget) is placed before me and I'm given the BLESSING to make a new choice and receive new freedom and peace.

I haven't had the luxury that Thomas had of seeing, feeling and experiencing scientific proof; but I'm living a daily life that is all the proof I need!!

The JOY of Reconciliation

What does Webster say about reconciliation?

Webster says it is the process of making consistent or compatible.

Nope. Once again, Webster fails at defining a word to match the effect it is causing in my heart right now.

I attended the Leadership Summit this year and heard Tim Keller speak about a topic that fascinates me. In his book, The Prodigal God, he unpacks the story of the Prodigal Son. I can't wait to read this book.

One of the things he said has stayed with me day to day, prayer to prayer. Tim Keller said that we often think of the prodigal son as the one who needs to repent of all his wrongdoing and return to the Father for forgiveness. But here's what got me: Tim Keller also said that we should also consider the older son and his need to repent of his rightdoing and return to the Father for forgiveness.

What?? Oh, now you're REALLY messing with everything I know to be "true"!!

The "truth" I was taught was: be good, do what's right all the time and things will work out and you'll have the best life.

So, "repent of my rightdoing" is like trying to speak German. I've tried. It hasn't worked well. They laugh at me. Really.

The light bulb went on the other day when school started again and I was faced with driving the boys to school. I am very proud of my good driving skills and my ability to follow directional arrows and interpret colors painted on curbs. This is not an area of pride, evidently, for many other Clovis North parents. Grace goes right out the window when I drive the "right" way in the drop-off pick-up zones. I had to really think about my motivations and admit that, at Clovis North (7:40am and 3:05pm) I would rather be "right" than gracious. That's NOT good!

And so I understand why God has placed this phrase front and center in my thoughts these days. There are many more joyful and triumphant rewards in being sensitive and grace-filled than in being in love with your "rightdoing". Wow.

In the last 5 days, I have witnessed (or been told about) BIG moves of God that each involve letting go of what's "right" and, instead, staying sensitive to His Holy Spirit.

I heard the story of a daughter who turned away from judging her mother's choices and, instead, dropped to her knees in prayer next to her sleeping mother and felt absolutely transformed. God did not transform the mother, He transformed the daughter and she repented of her "rightdoing".

I watched on Sunday morning as our church did baptism the "right" way. We baptized a woman at 9:00 and then two school-aged girls at 10:45. Each had thoughtfully prepared their testimony and it was shared with those who came to worship. It was beautiful, as always. But then our pastor, being sensitive to the Spirit of God, announced that ANYONE could now come and proclaim Christ for the first time, or they could come and be baptized as a proclamation of obedience as a Christ follower. What? In their street clothes? Where would they dry off? Would they go home dripping wet?

Seventy-nine people came forward on Sunday and, yes, in their street clothes stepped into the waters and were baptized.

Today, I called a precious woman who was once the best friend I had. She was the only one I think, besides my own mother, who was at both of my weddings. She held the left leg and Derek held the right leg as I gave birth to Blake. Precious.

It was her birthday yesterday. Today is the day after her birthday. Our hearts were knit together for so many years; but we'd drifted apart. I'm still not sure of all the reasons. We were united in so many different seasons of our lives. But, in the end, we had different philosophies about life and, maybe, had very little to talk about.

The "right" thing? Leave it alone! Why stir up old history? Your lives are different and full and no longer united. These are the "rightdoing" things that tried to kidnap my thinking. What did I do?

Well first, I went the "chicken" route. I decided to try to find her on Facebook again. I had tried before and never found her. She wasn't listed. Oh well.

Then, I had the feeling that I was not going to be able to concentrate on anything until I made the call. I looked her up on Zaba Search to be sure the phone number I had still matched. stalling.....

And then I called her. And it was busy. BUSY? Who has a busy signal anymore?

I called again a few minutes later. Still busy.

Then, I did the unexplainable. I called again. I can't tell you why except that I knew I was being sensitive to Someone Bigger than me. I also felt that my day was not going to come together until I did. Honestly, I thought I might leave a really lame (have you heard me leave messages?) day-late "Happy Birthday" message on her machine and call it "done".

But she answered. And it was SOOO great to hear her voice. I said something lame (I'm way better in writing than on the phone) and then she said the most amazing thing. She said, "This is a miracle. I'm facing a big battle in my life right now (cancer) and I have thought about you a lot. You know it's hard for me to say when I need something; but I need YOU and now [after maybe 10 years apart] you call. It's just a MIRACLE that you called."

We talked for a bit. Not long enough. We cried together and then I bawled like a baby after I hung up. She's going to call me again later today and I hope we'll talk more. If she needs me, I'm there!! No questions. No concerns about "rightdoing"

Oh yeah, I can't leave this part out of this amazing story. My friend became a follower of Christ about about twenty years ago. I was not Christian then. I had been born and raised Mormon and then had married Catholic and I was DONE with organized religion and people believing there's "more" to life. You've all heard this story.

Twenty years ago, when she shared her new love with me, I DID NOT support her. I mocked her and debated with her and when she stopped attending church due to something unfortunate and painful that happened associated with the church, I said, "I told you so!" And then I was fully supportive of her bitterness and disappointment.

Fast forward nearly a decade when I gave my life over to Christ. I told her about it. She was not excited. She didn't mock me and she wasn't rude; but she was clear that we had nothing in common in Christianity.

And then we drifted apart.

The best words I could ever imagine hearing today when I called her? As she was telling me about everything that had happened with her since we last talked, she said, "I'm back with the Lord."

God used me today (miracle that I can even be used) to show my friend that He is FAITHFUL to answer prayers and will provide everything we need and much of what we want when we align our wants with His will. What an honor!! My favorite thing to do is punch God's time clock and help in the work he doesn't even need me to help with!! And God showed me the miracle of how He brings even those, we think are the most unlikely, victoriously to Himself.

Reconciliation.

Being fussed over...

As a mom, I understand what it is to "fuss over" a precious little one. Are they too hot? Are they too cold? Are they hungry? Do they need a diaper change? Well, the diaper changes are more of a distant memory; but "fussing" is what moms do.

Interesting that this idea was made large this week as I read from the book of Matthew 15 about Jesus feeding the 4,000. I have read this story many times; but a Fresh Perspective came over me as I read it this week.

I saw, in this passage, what wasn't said and enjoyed the picture of Jesus fussing over ME!

The story paints a picture of 4000 people in the middle of the wilderness about to become hungry.

The disciples, logical thinkers that they were, counted the food they had and let Jesus know that there was no way they could feed them. The story goes on to the miracle of the loaves and fishes and the people ate all they wanted and there was food left over.

What I missed in earlier readings is this: The story mentions that Jesus was "feeling sorry" that they had been there 3 days and had nothing left to eat. Jesus was concerned that the people were hungry. The story doesn't say that the people were groaning, whining and complaining that they were hungry.

I see Jesus doing 2 important things that have become precious to me:

1. He was thinking about the need that was coming...anticipating their needs....even before the need was presented in living color. He KNOWS what we need before a single hunger pain arrives. He said, "I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days, and they have nothing left to eat. I don't want to send them away hungry, or they will faint along the way."

2. And, just like we parents who like to reward our children for good choices, He placed a high priority on providing (even through supernatural means) for the needs of those people based on his unconditional love for them and through their selfless choice to stay with Him, even though they didn't have enough food.

I hadn't thought about it in depth before my reading this week. These people chose to stop whatever they were doing in their "normal" life and follow Jesus into the wilderness to hear Him and just be with Him.

Long before the advent of cars and ice chests, they probably packed a basket with food. They had no idea how long they would be there, yet they continued to choose to stay even after their food supply had run out.

Every time I've read this passage before, I've marveled at another of Jesus' miracles. Today, I'm in awe of 4,000 people who decided to stay.

They were making a Kingdom choice that made no earthly sense. And Jesus "fussed over" them and loved them and, ultimately, displayed the Father's Glory by providing all they needed supernaturally.

He rewarded their great choice with love, care, provision, GLORY and grace.

Today, I'm motivated and challenging myself to think about my choices. The truth is, I think that if I were among those 4,000, I would've left early to "beat the crowds" as soon as my earthly food supply ran out.

Oh, what I would've missed!! All in an effort to protect my own provision and needs. This choice of "staying with Jesus regardless of the surrounding circumstances" goes against every "common sense" lesson my parents taught me.

And yet, the TRUTH propels me forward in new and exciting ways!!

Priorities & God's Will

I'm thinking today about a precious new friend Rosi and a priceless friend Tracy.

Both are facing big turning points in their lives. Both are making choices according to God's will for their lives. I admire them both so much.

A really common question these days is, "How do I know God's will for my life?" Or, for those without a faith and devotion to Jesus, they say, "Life feels like it's spinning out of control, how do I know the true priorities for my life?"

I cannot answer this in entirety; I'm a seeker, just like you. But I can share with you what I've discovered in my own life and now watch in the lives of my devoted friends.

Years ago, Cheryl, another powerhouse woman I know shared something she'd heard at a women's conference that she thought was remarkable. The speaker there had shared that knowing our priorities is actually very simple: We just need to look first to all the things that ONLY WE were created to do and make sure we do those things first. I will add that we should also commit ourselves to do those things in the order in which they arrived in our lives.

And I will testify that following this simple formula has brought ABUNDANT blessings and OVERFLOWING peace to my life.

Here's how it works in my life. I was first created to be the daughter of a KING. That occurred at birth...no, conception...no, even before conception. I am not the ONLY daughter of the KING; however, I have been created one-of-a-kind. I'm the ONLY Linda Sue Wilson Locarnini Stephens born on December 21, 1964 at 8:15am. God's desire is that I accept my full inheritance (Matthew 25:34; Acts 20:32; Ephesians 1:18; Colossians 3:24; Galatians 4:4) as His adopted daughter and learn more every day about what it means to be fully His. That happened first, so that is my FIRST priority.

Next, He placed me in the care of two adults...my parents. Their competence at this task is irrelevant. (Exodus 20:12; Matthew 19:18) I am/was their ONLY child named Linda and, as this happened second, this is my SECOND priority.

Lots of stuff happened between birth and marriage; but it was stuff that happens to everyone and is common across people groups. There was really nothing, during this time, that was ONLY me.

So, the next thing to examine was marriage. For a time, I was my first husband's ONLY love. That should have placed him next in priority; but I did not know Jesus at this time in my life and I was a very self-serving person. I did not make him my next highest priority in life after my Father or parents and our marriage failed.

The temptation was this: I was a college graduate. I was not, however, the ONLY one. I was making LOTS of money in management; but I was not the ONLY one. I was a good employee...often exemplary; but, in retrospect, I was not the ONLY one created for these workplace tasks. Placing this as a higher priority than other areas where I was created to be the ONLY was toxic to my life and did not bring blessings; instead this brought further burdens multiplied on themselves.

I was left lonely.

My life began to turn around with my decision to be Derek's ONLY wife. Yes, he had a wife before and she was his daughter's ONLY mother (and still is). But now Derek and I made a commitment to be each other's ONLY spouse. This role became my THIRD priority.

Now, some of you will freak out right now saying, "A man should leave his [earthly] father and mother and a woman should leave her [earthly] father and mother and be joined together..." and I agree with you that, once you're an adult, parents should slip below the priority of your husband. That is, of course, if you are not the ONLY child they have. I'm probably creating controversy here; but I will clarify this in just a minute.

When we knew that God had given us Blake...and later Bryson...I discovered the joy of being their ONLY mother partnered with Derek, their ONLY father. My FOURTH priority. Here arrived a new temptation: I felt a very strong pull to make these precious babies my FIRST priority and I often slipped into this tempting behavior. And when I would behave this way, peace would drain away and be replaced by anything from discontent to all-all chaos.

When I would return to making my FIRST thing first and my SECOND thing second, my THIRD thing third, I would present my babies with a confident and loving, peace-filled mommy. Joy!

Being an acts of service lover and a words of affirmation lover, the workplace is/was a HUGE temptation for me. The workplace is where I can put my hands on something and it feels less redundant (making beds and doing dishes are SOOOO redundant) and more rewarding. And hearing "kudos" about work well done tempts me to make the workplace my FIRST priority. Again, each time I've done this, Peace has left me empty and lonely and often blaming and battling against my higher priority people because of those feelings. Only prayer and obedience to these Divine priorities has restored things right.

Now, I will clarify a time that earthly parents might become a higher priority than husband or wife.

These discovered natural priorities were REALLY put to the test in January of 2005. My mother lay dying in hospice care. The day nurses were competent; but the night staff was uncaring and not showing her the dignity my mother deserved. I will also share with you that she was embroiled (oooh, good word) in a spiritual battle while she lay in that hospital bed. Right around her birthday (January 11) I was told she had only days to live. Being her ONLY child, and with my husband's blessing, I resolved to stay with her and ensure her final days were honoring to her and were spent in full anticipation of Jesus.

But the battle continued. Although I was told she could live only days without food and water, she lived more than a week longer. On January 17, my sweet Bryson turned 4 and I cried my eyes out as I missed his birthday party. Many friends said, "You should go to your son's birthday party. How sad that Bryson will remember his party without his mommy."

Yes, I am Bryson's ONLY mommy; but I was also my mother's ONLY child. I prayed and journaled and struggled. In the end, I had to evaluate the critical role I played in each situation. As my father had died years earlier and my mother had no other relatives here, I was the ONLY one who could properly and legally advocate for my mother's care and dignity.

Bryson, on the other hand, was surrounded by many who would make his party outstanding and filled with love and smiles. There were many women (including Aunt Joy and friend Kelli) who loved and played with Bryson that day. I cried as I missed it; but felt peace in proper priorities. No, it didn't "feel right"; but I felt Divine confirmation.

My mother died on January 22, defying all the rules (as she did throughout her life) of how long someone can live without liquid, and I have full confidence that she joined all those surrounding Jesus in unending worship in Heaven.

Later, friend Kelli told me a story about Bryson's birthday party. Feeling sad my sadness in missing the event, Kelli had scooped Bryson into her arms and asked him, "Bryson, do you know how much your mommy loves you?" He quickly and confidently replied, "Yes! She loves me to Pluto and back 500 times!"

Bryson knew that in his head...and he knew that in his heart...because we had played that "I love you more" game every night for years. Turns out, my 4-year-old boy had NO concerns about my priorities. God, himself, I believe had reassured Bryson throughout the entire season. Another blessing for proper priorities!!

Today, I pray for Rosi and Tracy as they embrace these priorities even as the world tempts them to be swayed. They are putting FIRST first, SECOND second and THIRD third and I KNOW they will encounter trials and temptations and maybe even sadness and longing; but I also KNOW that their full commitment to their Divinely ordered priorities will ultimately bring them the best gift of all in this world of chaos...Peace reigning in their hearts and an outward expression of joy.

Go girls!!