"Supposed to..."

I am realizing this morning that "supposed to" is the opposite of following Christ.

I didn't realize the powerful way that "supposed to" was infiltrating my thinking and attitude.  I'm going to be bold and say that "supposed to" is a nasty tool of the flesh existing to torment and disappoint.

And this morning, as I begin my quest to eradicate "supposed to",  I believe I'm going to LOVE my life of following Christ even more when I let "supposed to" go.

Here are some examples that left me completely empty yesterday afternoon and evening.

• We were "supposed to" get the keys to our new house on Friday
• We were "supposed to" have movers move our big furniture to make the move smooth and safe
• I was "supposed to" meet my new client yesterday afternoon
• I was "supposed to" get to sleep late during the summer
• I am "supposed to" make a perfect healthy meal for my family every evening

We've been studying the sins that poison our daily lives in our adult small group.  Anger, Jealousy, (notice those are the first two I think of) Guilt and Greed.  I highly recommend "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley.  He describes the way these emotions can hurt us; but also describes the antidotes: Forgiveness, Celebration, Confession and Giving.  I enjoy books that offer practical help.

This morning, I think I'm discovering a personal link between "supposed to" and Anger and Jealousy.  

Yesterday, I went to our new house to meet our agent and greet our pest control guy as our agent let him in to do his work.  I stood in the house and instead of enjoying our soon-to-be new home, I found myself thinking and talking about how "frustrating" it all is.  We were "supposed to" be already moved in.  

Then, I went outside and discovered our new neighbor in the front yard of her new home.  She was asking some construction guys to move their cars because their moving van was on its way.  I smiled and went to meet her.  Her name is Angela and she seems really nice.  I felt a moment of gratitude to be blessed with nice neighbors; but the gratitude was quickly overshadowed when I became SO JEALOUS that she was getting to move in before us.  After all, we were "supposed to" move in on the 19th.  We're "supposed to" be baking cookies for her and welcoming her to the neighborhood.  But NO!!!  (can you feel the jealousy fueling the anger even as you read this?)  

Honestly, I had to cancel the rest of my day.  A bitter spirit consumed me.  I was mad (alternating with sad) at everything.  Sleep was my only retreat and escape.  I prayed as I fell asleep that God would sing over me as I slept and heal this hurt.  

He is SO faithful when we ask Him for the VERY THING He wants to give us.  

I awakened feeling refreshed.  I read a devotion that left me feeling convicted and resolute.  I shared a prayer with our small group that was helping me.  And I wrote this blog post.  He provided ALL the Wisdom I needed (James 1:5) for Freedom (Galatians 5:1) once again!  Praises!!

"Mind Blown"

I had a TREMENDOUS, life-altering time with the Lord during "quiet time" last week.

Many people ask me about how to have a "quiet time".  There's no right answer.  It's personal...very personal, actually.  But I'll share what I've been doing during my "quiet time" as I tell this story.

I get up every morning and head straight to my quiet time couch.  Usually, I awaken with a prayer on my heart and, after greeting the Lord and telling Him how much I love him, I begin there.

Then, I'll turn to a devotion that is specifically scripture based.  Right now, I'm LOVING Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  I also love most devotions by Max Lucado.

I read the devotion for that day and then go into the Bible to see the scriptures that inspired it.  I ask God specifically to reveal what He wants me to know about Him through these scriptures. .  My dear friend LeAnne Varenkamp taught me to use "SOAP" each morning as I journal:

S: Scripture-write out the scripture in the Bible version you are reading
O: Observations-write out your simple observations about this Bible verse
A: Application-write out how you think this verse applies to your life right now
P: Pray-write out a prayer, praying the verse back to God

Then, sometimes, being a "word nerd" I will research a Greek or Hebrew word within the verse that's "jumping out at me" and I'll see if God has any hidden nuggets of goodness in the languages used to document the original Bible.

On October 27, I awaked with a cry of HELP in my heart!   Earlier this year, I began feeling a nudge to "step aside" from my Director of Family Ministries job.  Everything I encountered in my prayer life and in the circumstances around me confirmed that nudge, turning it (after not initially obeying it) into a full-fledged SHOVE.  So, here I was this morning, having just resigned from a perfectly good job working at a church where I love to worship.

I knew I was obeying God; but, as I worked through my two weeks of notice, I felt very confused.  It's SO counter cultural to leave a paying job (not well paying...this is a church we're talking about) for nowhere-ness.  The battle in my head was waging HEAVY!

I woke up asking God, "Am I an idiot?"  (yes, I talk "normal" to God.  He created me, so he knows me best)  "Have I turned the wrong direction?"  "Did I miss you?"  "How will we pay our bills?"  "Can't you tell me more?"

I opened the 'Jesus Calling' devotion and it said,

"As you become increasingly aware of My Presence, you find it easier to discern the way you should go. This is one of the practical benefits of living close to Me. Instead of wondering about what is on the road ahead or worrying about what you should do if…or when…, you can concentrate on staying in communication with Me.When you actually arrive at a choice-point, I will show you which direction to go."

Wow.  Okay!!

Then, I researched the Bible verse that inspired her devotion.  It was Psalm 32:8.  And I wrote it down in my journal:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Only, I accidentally wrote it this way:

I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Hearing a gentle whisper to, "Look at the verse again" I noticed that I had written 'ways' instead of 'way'.  So, I said to the Lord, "Isn't that just like me, Lord.  Running around in many 'ways' when there is only one 'way'?"  And, being a well trained copy editor, I struck out the extra letter that didn't belong.  

But, now it looked like this:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way$ you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

"Oh no, Lord! Now it looks like a dollar sign!!"  

And then I heard in my soul,  "Sweet one, you often 'run around' in many 'ways' because of money, when there is only ONE WAY and I have prepared that one way for you.  Stop."  

Convicted.  I sat convicted.  I use my responsibility strength and administration gift in our home to pay the bills and, sometimes, I worry about where the money will come from.  I didn't think it affected my decision-making very much; but here was our Lord telling me He didn't enjoy or approve of my 'way$'. 

Wow.

After getting this all written down (won't my kids love these stories?) I decided I had time enough to research the Hebrew words in this scripture.  Which one?  

Well, I knew that in the New Testament Jesus refers to Himself as 'The Way'.   I wondered what word in the Old Testament Hebrew would be the word for 'the way'.

My favorite "word nerd" site for this kind of research is www.biblesuite.com.  I opened this site and clicked on the word 'way' within this verse to reveal it's Hebrew history.

What I saw took my breath away!

I was asking God to show me 'the way' and the Hebrew word in that particular verse is DEREK?  Are you kidding me?

For those of you that know me, Derek is my earthly rock, my best friend, my husband.  Given as a gift to me by God, I firmly believe.

I couldn't wait to share this with the family!

Blake immediately tweeted, "Mind Blown".

Bryson loved every minute of our time together hearing from God. I could tell that his admiration of his father was growing again.

And Derek was clearly moved and humbled.

And me?  Unashamedly willing to admit that I had been, once again, "striving in the flesh" instead of resting in the arms of the ONE, the I AM, who created me and created 'the way' for me to live...never in fear or confusion...but in complete Faith.

So, I'm unemployed and quietly waiting at the feet of Jesus for Him to reveal His 'way'.

Getting Weird at the End of the School Year

My dad was an air traffic controller and pilot for fun.  My mother was a stewardess.  Life's analogies for me often appear in terms of airplanes and flying.

So this morning, after dropping off the kids at their schools, I found myself thinking about the pace that comes at the end of school.  I decided that, with multiple children and a foreign exchange student in the home, the end of the school year feels more like bracing for a Sioux City, Iowa crash landing than placing my seat back and tray table into the locked and upright position and gliding into a "normal" landing.

Awards assemblies, yearbooks, youth group potlucks, finals, preparing exchange students and host families for the students' departures, band concerts, graduation, graduation parties, gifts for teachers...the list is long and exhaustive.  And potentially exhausting.

I recently finished a powerhouse of a book called Weird...because normal is not working, by Craig Groeschel. You can read more about this book here.  I'm continuing to learn that the difference between exhausting high-speed living and comprehensive high-capacity living is focusing on staying "weird".

When I'm "normal" I say, "Yes" to everything and complain to everyone within listening distance about "how overloaded" I am.  I pretend like I'm complaining; but I'm really bragging about how terrific I must be.

When I'm "weird" I focus on saying, "Yes" to those activities with lasting significance at the beginning of the year SO THAT our Stephens family can continue our tradition of family dinners at the dinner table together.

Let's examine one recent common end of year activity:  The End of Year Band Concert.  If your child is not playing an instrument this year, you can easily substitute sports playoff game, awards assembly, science fair...you get the idea.

When I'm "normal" I spend the entire band concert texting and talking on my phone in the back of the room.  Or I even step outside to make or take calls.  There are so many details to handle, after all!  When I'm not texting or talking on my phone, I'm trying to connect socially with the other moms in the room (taking roll, if you will) so that we can meet later and commiserate about our busyness.

When I'm "weird" I spend the entire band concert making eye contact with each of the children on the stage, smiling and cheering them on!!  I am not thinking of the next place I need to be.  I am concentrating on being fully present. And I file some moments away in my mind so that I can show the kids how important they are by retelling specific parts of the concert where I was proud of their behavior or the behavior of a classmate.  I focus on stories that will build their character.  My phone is put away (unless I use it to take a picture or two).  And, whenever possible, the pictures I take are of our child flanked by Nana and Papa and Sissy and Bo SO THAT our children can recall and remember the devotion of family and reproduce it later in their own lives and families.

I commit to being weird that God would be Glorified and pleased and for the lasting effects on the next generation!!

Join me?

God Delights in RIGHT Behavior

I'm excited to share (pass along) a story from someone precious to me. 

Her name is Vivi.  I skype with her every Saturday morning and we share what's great, as well as what's not so great, with each other.  I know she thinks I'm encouraging her (I'm old enough to be her mom) but I must share that her life and her observations encourage me in GREAT ways!


Vivi is studying at University in Germany to be a physical therapist.  She is learning about proper movement and motion and the RIGHT use of muscles, etc.

Last Saturday she told this story:

Vivi said that she's been spending some time in a children's hospital observing children whose illnesses have taken away the ability for them to move properly. 

After much observation, she shared that she had become a bit weary and discouraged watching these children try to navigate.

Then, in an unusual turn of events. she was asked to babysit a visiting sibling of a child who was ill while that child was taken from their room for testing.  So, she sat and watched and played with the healthy sibling.

She shared with me that she found herself DELIGHTING in the movements of the healthy child.  She had been watching so many children who could not move in age-appropriate ways, that watching this healthy child made her heart soar and put a sweet smile on her face.  (She didn't say "sweet smile"; I added that because Vivi's smile is one of the sweetest I've seen).

It was in that moment, Vivi shared, that she realized a tiny bit of the DELIGHT that God, our Father, feels when He watches us move in a RIGHT way, free from sin.  She felt excited and joyous at the thought that our RIGHT moves could DELIGHT God in much the way OR MORE than she felt watching the healthy child.

Here's the thing:   Sin corrupts our RIGHT movements just as illness corrupts the movements of the children Vivi was observing in that hospital.  And God's heart is grieved when our movements are corrupted by sin. 

What's important?  The children in that hospital did not choose their illness.  They would NOT choose their illness.  They have no choice.  But WE HAVE A CHOICE!  We can choose to walk away from sin, accept the healing protection that a life with Jesus offers, and begin to move in a RIGHT way. 

And we'll feel the joyous DELIGHT of God. 

Peer Pressure

What do you think of first when I say, "Don't give in to peer pressure"?

Your first thought immediately goes to teenagers. Am I right?

Turns out, peer pressure might begin during our teenage years; but it CERTAINLY doesn't end there!

I learned years ago, through the wonders of Myers-Briggs, that my personality type is called ISTJ.  Should you desire, here is more about Myers-Briggs and more about this personality type:   Myers-Briggs ISTJ  I notice here that the ISTJ personality is called the Duty Fulfiller.  I also learn that I have a need to decide based on facts and EVIDENCE.

This precious season of my life, what I am facing right now, brings much peer pressure.  People who are PRECIOUS to me are making decisions that don't match my decisions.  They are making decisions using EVIDENCE that the Lord has simply NOT provided to me.  

It's important to say that those dear to me are not making BAD decisions; they're just feeling led to choose DIFFERENTLY.  Our paths diverge.

The temptation to decide as they have decided, and cling to them because they are precious, is tremendous and overwhelming. 

What is the over-riding voice of this temptation? 

What voice do I hear in my head?  

It sounds like this:  "They MUST know something you don't know!!  You NEED to find out what they know so that you can turn the same direction that they are turning...before it's too late!  Demand their EVIDENCE!"  

The voice carries with it two senses:  one of conspiracy and the other of urgency.  This voice is NOT the voice of my Lord.  Jesus doesn't speak to me this way.  There is an enemy to my soul, who continually lies to me, who speaks this way.

How easy it would be to give in to this voice!  Simple.  Quick.  And, sadly, there would be LOADS of loving support from those around me as I turned to join this small crowd.

But I choose, instead, the way set before me by Jesus Himself.  The difficult way.  Complex.  Slow.  And, sadly, many of those around me might find themselves confused.

This morning, during a short quiet time,  I was reminded why I must choose this way.

In Proverbs 3:3  (just before the famous 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."verse)  we find that Solomon, easily the richest and wisest man to walk the earth to this day (move over Bill Gates), providing this wisdom:

"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thy heart."

You can read more about this verse here: Proverbs 3:3

My favorite part of the human commentary on this verse is when the commentary writer encourages us to "reckon it as your greatest honour, glory, and beauty, that you steadfastly adhere to these things"  and continues on to say that "nothing makes a believer look more lovely in conversation than a close regard to the truths of Christ, and a constant walking in his ordinances."

At our New Harvest Church there is a steel beam holding up the entrance to the lobby.  These words are cut into the metal of that beam:  Jesus Full of Grace and Truth.  

Hundreds of years after Solomon encourages us to wear grace and truth around our necks like a beautiful scarf for all to see and admire, Jesus arrives to say, "I AM the way and the truth and the life..." (John 14:6)  

Today, as I wrap myself in "mercy and truth" I ask Jesus to provide the determination that I will NOT look to the left or the right (Joshua 1:7) and I will fully depend on Him to provide every bit of EVIDENCE I need to make the decisions that HE ALONE wants me to make.  

All I've ever wanted is that my life would stand in testimony of His Goodness, Mercy and Truth and leave a legacy of loving and following Him.  

Even when those around me are making seemingly "good" decisions that tempt me to join; I will rely on Jesus to provide me with His BEST!

Dogged Determined Devotion

Yesterday and today, I've noticed that I've had more regular thoughts of gratitude about my dog Charley.  

I just love him.  He's special to me because he came to me after prayer as a delight to my heart.  

He's special to me because he once belonged to a friend and mentor, Rose MacAlpine.  

He's also special to me because, in so many ways, he's a good and faithful dog.

On Fridays, because my workweek begins on Sunday, I take Sabbath rest.   Today, I was curling up on the couch to have quiet time and, of course, Charley was absolutely thrilled that he would be able to curl up next to me.  

Then, I forgot my pen.  I got up and, although I told Charley to stay put, he was SO anxious to be wherever I was...he followed me.  After I got settled again and realized I forgot my iPhone.  Before you dismiss this as ridiculous (why does she need her iPhone during quiet time?) know that I subscribe to devotionals that are sent to my iPhone so I can hear the Word anywhere and anytime.  So I went downstairs and, although Charley really wanted to continue his cuddle time on the couch, he followed me...just in case I wasn't coming back.  When I returned, he hopped up ready again to snuggle and nap.  

So, I opened my journal and first asked God what He wanted me to consider today.  And, again, my mind focused on Charley as I felt wonderful gratitude for him.  

I worried that I might be horribly distracted; but then I realized then that it was Charley and Charley's attitude that God wanted me to consider in my heart and mind.

My friend Greg Swan encouraged me to read a favorite book of his, 'Dog and Cat Theology.'  The book contrasts how dogs and cats relate to their owners.   A dog says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, you must be God.'  A cat says, 'You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God.'  The authors Bob Sjogren and Gerald Robison encourage us to consider the God-given traits of cats ('you exist to serve me') and dogs ('I exist to serve you') to challenge our own attitudes about our relationship to God.

So here I am, telling God what I notice about Charley and observing the attitude that God is gently asking me to adopt and embrace.  

Charley is pretty much singularly focused.  He eats and drinks to survive and he does his level best to go outside to poop; (that's another story, entirely) but truly his world revolves around that next moment that he might get to spend with his master.  

Charley is not content to just know that his master exists and is somewhere in our home.  Charley MUST be WITH his master.  

Charley's ideal location is touching his master.  If I am sitting on the couch, Charley does everything possible to be lying next to me.  If I am using the computer, Charley hogs the chair so that he can be WITH me. (Here is a picture of Charley waiting for me to return to my computer time.)  If he gets too warm, he moves a further distance away; but remains where he can see me. 

This is a picture of dogged (yes, pun intended) determined devotion.  

And I must say as I sit here in my chair typing away I feel Charley's breaths become long and full and I observe that being with his master must be the place where Charley feels most peaceful.  I really do think his "joy is complete"  John 15:11

Charley's chief concern in life is abiding with his master.  And when our family is away at work and school, I imagine that he looks forward to the next moment he can abide.  

And now I realize why God would ask me to look closer at Charley.  

I find myself convicted that dogged determined devotion is not always the picture of my life.  

And I praise God that He is patient and kind and shows me these pictures of what my life can be by abiding.  

I remember that I spend a lot of time in "do-do".  Not Charley's kind, but the kind where I run around trying to please God by what I DO for Him instead of waiting for Him to show me where He is and simply being WITH Him.  (see John 15)

Wow.

And what about Charley's master?  What can be observed and recorded as I think about my relationship with Charley?  

I love Charley.  It's a deep love.  Pet owners understand this love.  Those who have not chosen to have pets generally don't understand the depth of this love.  And some who have not chosen to enter into this kind of relationship make fun of this love.  This makes me want to encourage more people to become pet owners.  

I want the best for Charley.  

I smile just thinking about him.  I talk about him.  My friend Jeanette and I trade stories about our Charley dogs (she has a small dog named Charley, too.

When Charley obeys, my smile widens and I say to him "good dog".   It's clear that when I call Charley "good dog" he feels greater contentment.  

When Charley does not obey, I feel disappointment.  I try to clean up the resulting mess. (There is almost always a mess associated with Charley's disobedience)  Sometimes the mess is un-fixable and it serves as a constant reminder of Charley's disobedience; but it doesn't change how deeply I love him.  

Instead, Charley's disobedience makes me want to spend more time teaching him how to behave, praising his obedience and pointing out the peace that results from his obedience. 

I'm grateful that He loves me (His love is DEEP and difficult for those who do not know Him to understand) and I realize how much He wants me to abide with him.  I realize how much I want EVERYONE to know and experience this love.  (see Romans 10:13)

He wants the best for me.  (see Jeremiah 29:11)

I think about how my breathing is short and shallow when I am in "do-do" mode and how I am at "perfect peace" (see Isaiah 26:3) when I am in super close proximity to where God is at work and I am focused on Him, ready to serve. 

And I think about the sweetness of someday being with Him and hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (see Matthew 25:23)

The Game of Tag and Home Base

I was in prayer the other morning and a dear friend of mine, Kathy, was praying.  She was thanking God for the small children she leads in her small group.  She was describing their play while praying and I happily drifted into sweet pictures in my heart of children playing on a playground.

I thought back to the game most played at recess in the early years of school and saw these children playing tag.  I could sweetly hear the giggles and squeals of joy as they ran around on the grass and blacktop chasing one another.

I could feel the thrill of running just fast enough to avoid the tag of the friend who was "IT" and reaching "home base" (usually a big strong tree) touching it, and shouting "SAFE!"  At that, the person who was "IT", would run away to pursue someone else and I would have a break to plan where to run next.

At this point in my prayer experience, I heard a voice inside me say, "I'm Home Base, you know."

My first reaction?  I prayed, "Huh?"

Honestly, I can be slow and stubborn, more often than not.  I usually have to ask the voice to repeat Himself.

And the voice said, "I'm THE place to run to.  I'm Home Base!"

This made me think more deeply about the concept of "home base" and playing tag.

I remembered that, once we were upper graders, we wise-in-our-own-eyes children decided that "home base" was a crutch for the slow ones. We even decided that the game would be more fun played without a "home base". We decided we needed the excitement of running after one another without a safety net.  Yes, it was much more exciting this way; yet also SO MUCH more terrifying.

I also remember the year that I quit playing.  The other kids were faster than I was; and they knew that if they tagged me, I would remain "IT" for the entire recess.  It was thrilling for them; it was defeating for me.  I switched to jump rope.

These thoughts now caused me to think about growing up and becoming adults; and how so many of us deny one another (and ourselves) the wonderful, sweet safety of "Home Base".  I hear people say things like, "That's just not reality."  Or, "Life's just not that simple."  Yet, I also hear many of these same adults long for the days of their childhood. They long for rest, a slower pace, a break.

G.K. Chesterson said, the Christian life has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Jesus IS Home Base.  His protection and the assurance of an eternal life, love, joy and rest in Him is EXACTLY what we need!!

When we're out there "running around" and "going after" one another, trying to be "one step ahead" of the guy who's "IT", don't we long for a place we can run to...and touch...and call, "Safe"?  Many adults hang their hopes on finding this safe rest in a vacation.  And yet, those same adults return from their vacation tired, long-faced, and even more desperate, or even defeated, desiring just to quit.

Well, I can share in complete transparent honesty that "Home Base" is Real.  "Home Base" is Necessary.  Home Base is Available. And Home Base is the Warmest, Most Wonderful place I've ever been.  I've found life, love, joy and rest in the Christian life and being Jesus' disciple.

And my trips away from the base of that Tree have become fewer and fewer.  I prefer to stay close to the Tree and listen.  I respond.  I embrace. And I rest.  And I know that death is not final for me or for any in my sweet family.  I no longer have to look over my shoulder in sheer terror, wondering when I'll be tagged next and will run around feeling completely exhausted.  I'm SAFE.  

Are you SAFE?