Breaking Away from the Father

Conversation in the car on the way to THREE schools this morning:


Blake: (Blowing his nose. A lot! He's getting over a cold. Feeling nervous to return to school after being out.)
Bryson: (Experiencing deep compassion for this brother) "Will you STOP that??!! You're giving me a headache with all that blowing!!"
Blake: "I can't help it!"
Mom: "Bryson, do you know the word 'compassion'?"
Bryson: "Yes."
Mom: "Bryson, what does the word compassion mean?"
Bryson: (Clearly the smartest 7 year old I've known) "Well, it means feeling for someone else instead of feeling for yourself"
Mom: "YES! Exactly! Wow! You do know what compassion means! Now, how might you show compassion right now for your brother?"
Bryson: "I can't! It's just too hard."
Mom: (Clearly demonstrating that sarcasm is my spiritual gift) "Bryson, how is it that you can be SUCH an only child in the midst of a big family?"

And that got me thinking...


Those of you that know me...know that I am an only child. So, when I see self-centered behavior and "call it" it's because I recognize it from pure personal experience.



In addition to having no siblings, my earthly father had some serious problems with alcohol. Ultimately, that I know of, he did not turn his life over to God before he died. This is a painful reality for me.



Watching my children respect and relate to an earthly father that has turned his life over to follow Jesus...and is not struggling with painful addictions is awesome beyond description. It's the biggest earthly gift I've received that I simply do not deserve. What grace!

After reading today's devotion from Charles Stanley for September 30, 2008. http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/in_touch/ I had a wonderful realization that I thought I'd share with you.

I did a talk recently where I shared that Values + Beliefs + Ideals + Commitment = YOUR priority. I stressed that it's difficult to live your life with honest and Godly priorities...if your values and beliefs are "jacked up". (Okay, I didn't really say, "jacked up" but our pastor uses this very fancy term sometimes on Sunday mornings and it always makes me sit up and listen more, and I thought it would just be a better attention getter than a simple word like "flawed". Which one do you like better? Flawed? or Jacked-up?)** Anyway, the idea here is the same one when I learned basic computer programming: if you put "Garbage In" you'll surely get "Garbage Out"

Now, to take this "out of the lecture and into the lab"...God combined the thought about what I had shared in my talk, with this morning's Charles Stanley devotion subject and the conversation in the car with Bryson and "BAM!"

This morning, I see clearly that, as an only child, my early value and belief was that independence was IT. It was "too hard" to be told what to do all the time, and especially by someone who made bad decisions sometimes. Add to this that my earthly father taught me that freedom was only available to those who took it by manipulation or thoughtful planning. And watching my mother submitting herself as a victim to Dad's misguided behavior made me resolve to be FULLY INDEPENDENT.

Now that I consider it more, I see that the media is also teaching us (and especially our children) and encouraging us every day to make INDEPENDENT decisions and be IN CONTROL.

And so it was, even after coming to know the Lord as the I AM, the Creator of everything and the Giver of all good things, Comforter, Healer....Who I wanted to give my life to...I still could not make Him my top priority as long as my highest values and beliefs were about being seen as SUCCESSFULLY INDEPENDENT.

Wow! So, imagine this with me: my earthly father has died. I've found hope and healing in my Heavenly Father. I'm praying "thy will be done, Lord," saying "Amen," and then opening my eyes and running off in a million frantic directions without Him. Day after day after day.

My motives were "good" according to what the world calls "good"; but now I know they were seriously flawed. (See? "jacked-up" is just better than "flawed" Oops, back to the story) I was determined to show God that He'd done a good job in teaching me some cool stuff; but He should be proud of me (like my understanding of what I wanted from my earthly father) as I break away and live a "good life" without Him.

You know what? When I'm listening to the enemy's lies, IT TRULY IS ALL ABOUT ME!! And who does God think He is, anyway, not blessing my plans and my success??? Can't He just be proud of me and then step back and watch?

Big Problem Discovered: As a teenager, breaking away from the earthly father was all I thought about. He would no longer control me. And my success, despite his control, would ultimately make him proud. It became my life's desire. And I also decided it would be how I measured success as an adult.

Did I find this success? Yes! Did I find joy? No. Ultimately, this life formula for success brought me confusion, loneliness and abandonment.

Then, God reached me. Fascinating: that I found Him everywhere I looked for Him, once I started looking.

But, after meeting Him, I unsuccessfully tried to apply my life's jacked-up "measure of success" to my relationship with Him. After fully discovering Him (in my early 30's) I thought I would get to know Him and then impress Him by how well I could apply His teaching away from Him.

Using my flawed belief system: I saw God as this Wisdom-Giver (which He Is) that I could run to when things weren't going well out there in INDEPENDENCE land. He would supply the Wisdom. I would thank Him. And then I would run off again to impress Him with my ability to apply His Wisdom well.

After reading Charles Stanley's devotional this morning, I see I'm in good company...all the way back to the beginning...Adam and Eve wanted to have what God had to give but believed the enemy's lie of INDEPENDENCE that they deserved all God's best AND self-centeredness.

So, you're telling me that the very thing I held in highest regard and valued the most: INDEPENDENCE is a lie!! Wow! That's harsh! But it sure explains a LOT of failure in my life where I was sure there should have been success.

So, now in my 40's, I'm trying to unlearn INDEPENDENCE as my highest value. And God has been gracious to show me that INTERDEPENDENCE is not where it's at either (as my college courses taught). That's another blog entirely about how depending on other humans for what you REALLY need doesn't work and just wears everyone out.

I'm living every day to decide each morning to throw away those broken values and beliefs and become hopefully, utterly and unashamedly DEPENDENT completely on our Father. And I'm experiencing the Truth that this Ultimate Father loves unendlingly, provides fully, comforts softly and restores completely.

So, now it's your turn. What are your highest values? And how are those values being played out in your life's priorities? Ask God today to reveal what's hidden (jacked-up) in the way you view Him. He WILL answer this prayer! (You might want to ask him at the same time for the courage to actually look at what's hidden, while you're at it. It might not be pretty.) And, just to reassure you, he probably won't answer your prayer in a booming voice from the sky. He'll answer it in circumstances and people around you. Be ready! Be watching!!

And join me in making each day a day where we choose NOT to believe lies so easily believed before and that we would allow God to change us that fewer and fewer lies would be retold.

So, I guess I'm no longer hoping that when I arrive in God's Perfect Presence, He'll say, "Well done, you successfully independent ladder-climber! I've been bragging about you to all the disciples. Were your ears burning?"

Instead, I want what the Bible promises. I want Him to say, as He said in Matthew 25, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share [MY] happiness!!"

**PS If you want to check out a Truth-telling Bible-believing Grace-dispensing church where the pastor actually uses the term "jacked up" to describe situations with flaws, join Derek and I as we attend New Harvest Church in Clovis, CA on Minnewawa between Herndon and Alluvial.