Today, as I began my workday, I heard a loud 'BANG'. And I knew. My heart sank.
One of "my" sparrows had flown full-speed into our living room window.
One of the blessings I enjoy is the patio of our downsized house. We've been here a year now; and I most enjoy the late afternoons (when the sun has dropped behind our west-facing house). There is cool and contentment awaiting me on the patio when I've completed my day's work.
I most enjoy watching the birds. My favorites are the sparrows and the hummingbirds. (My least favorite are pigeons, but that's another post topic). The sparrows and the hummingbirds also love the shade and the coolness; and they dart around and play as I relax and enjoy God's creation as if He created them "just for me". That's why I call them "my" sparrows.
So, when I ran to check the status of "my" sparrow, I found it had landed unconscious on the seat of one of the patio chairs. I watched with a sorrowful heart as it laid there. Charley, our Bichon-Frise is bred to be a bird-dog; so, I didn't dare open the door.
I debated whether to run out and hold the sparrow in my hands. I felt helpless.
So I did what I do every time I sense a feeling of helplessness: I prayed.
And I said, "Lord, your Word says you know every sparrow (Matthew 10:29) and you love them..." And then, my prayer was interrupted by a sense that the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart. And I heard,
Instantly, the memory of the verse in Matthew and also in Luke (12:7) came to mind and heart. That's why we "store" God's Word in our hearts. I remembered those verses are about exactly what I prayed: God's infinite care for us.
In that moment, the sparrow began to shake violently; almost like a little sparrow-seizure. Again, I wanted to run out there and lift it into my hands. But, was that what was best for the sparrow? I found I deeply wanted what was best for that sparrow.
And then, it hopped up on its legs and crouched low. I agonized over whether it would survive. Thoughts of internal bleeding or brain damage crossed my mind; but, again, there was nothing I could do to heal it or bring it comfort.
Knowing there are no cats in our neighborhood, and resolving to keep Charley in the house all morning, I could walk away and leave "my" sparrow, hopeful for a time of restoration.
God spoke to me through this situation as He does through many of the things I encounter in this life.
I "hit the window" sometimes.
And His Infinite Love for me causes Him a sorrowful heart as He watches me "lie there unconscious" (like when I try to justify some wrong I've done by ignoring Him or His Word...direction for my life) or "seizure" (like when I'm rude or fight against Him or others who try to help me).
But, here's Good News: God is NOT helpless.
He could easily reach down and hold me in His Warm Capable hands after I "hit the window". And He could choose to heal me on the spot. He could also choose, rather than heal me, to bring me "inside" to be with Him in His Home. By His Will, living with Him in Eternity.
In this season of my life, He chooses, instead, to watch from a safe distance and Love me and Provide a choice I can make, each day, to be with Him. (John 3:16)
After I "shake off" the pain and disorientation of "hitting the window", His Desire is that I be free, first and foremost (Galatians 5:1)...not captive in someone's hands, their shoebox, or under some false healer's control.
When I "hit the window" He first wants me to rest. And then, He wants me to "fly" again and show everyone how Wonderful the Power and Majesty of His Love, Creation and Care really is!
"My" sparrow took time to rest; and then, feeling strong enough, flew away to rejoin the rest of Creation and play. And "my" sparrow will, indeed, testify of God's Greatness - again and again - to me and to others in times of play and in times of cool contentment.