I didn't realize the powerful way that "supposed to" was infiltrating my thinking and attitude. I'm going to be bold and say that "supposed to" is a nasty tool of the flesh existing to torment and disappoint.
And this morning, as I begin my quest to eradicate "supposed to", I believe I'm going to LOVE my life of following Christ even more when I let "supposed to" go.
Here are some examples that left me completely empty yesterday afternoon and evening.
- We were "supposed to" get the keys to our new house on Friday
- We were "supposed to" have movers move our big furniture to make the move smooth and safe
- I was "supposed to" meet my new client yesterday afternoon
- I was "supposed to" get to sleep late during the summer
- I am "supposed to" make a perfect healthy meal for my family every evening
We've been studying the sins that poison our daily lives in our adult small group. Anger, Jealousy, (notice those are the first two I think of) Guilt and Greed. I highly recommend "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley. He describes the way these emotions can hurt us; but also describes the antidotes: Forgiveness, Celebration, Confession and Giving. I enjoy books that offer practical help.
This morning, I think I'm discovering a personal link between "supposed to" and Anger and Jealousy.
Yesterday, I went to our new house to meet our agent and greet our pest control guy as our agent let him in to do his work. I stood in the house and instead of enjoying our soon-to-be new home, I found myself thinking and talking about how "frustrating" it all is. We were "supposed to" be already moved in.
Then, I went outside and discovered our new neighbor in the front yard of her new home. She was asking some construction guys to move their cars because their moving van was on its way. I smiled and went to meet her. Her name is Angela and she seems really nice. I felt a moment of gratitude to be blessed with nice neighbors; but the gratitude was quickly overshadowed when I became SO JEALOUS that she was getting to move in before us. After all, we were "supposed to" move in on the 19th. We're "supposed to" be baking cookies for her and welcoming her to the neighborhood. But NO!!! (can you feel the jealousy fueling the anger even as you read this?)
Honestly, I had to cancel the rest of my day. A bitter spirit consumed me. I was mad (alternating with sad) at everything. Sleep was my only retreat and escape. I prayed as I fell asleep that God would sing over me as I slept and heal this hurt.
He is SO faithful when we ask Him for the VERY THING He wants to give us.
I awakened feeling refreshed. I read a devotion that left me feeling convicted and resolute. I shared a prayer with our small group that was helping me. And I wrote this blog post. He provided ALL the Wisdom I needed (James 1:5) for Freedom (Galatians 5:1) once again! Praises!!
