Living without Lists

Recently, while sharing my heart and some yummy coffee*** with my dear friend Tracy Swan at Starbucks, I shared that I was feeling overwhelmed at the speed at which Summer was coming to a close.

I shared with her that there would NEVER be enough time to complete all the super cool things on my Summer Projects list.

Yes, I have a Summer Projects list filed in Outlook, categorized by both Linda and Summer...coded with a due date of August 1. Why August 1, when school doesn't start until August 25? Well, to give me some breathing room, silly!!

Now THAT'S FUNNY!!! Breathing room?? Truth is, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to breathing room. I seem to have 2 speeds: 110 mph in a 25 mph zone... or... sound asleep.

So dear, cute, right-to-the-point-and-don't-you-love-that-about-her Tracy challenges me to live without lists.

WHAT?? NO LISTS?? But how would stuff get done?

"The right things will get done," Tracy said. "The things that don't get done were unimportant."

Hmmm....

I sat there smiling and nodding and thinking, "Good Tracy. You just keep thinking that things will get done without lists and I'll keep looking for monkeys to fly..."

We finished our coffees, talked about LOADS of other things, shared our gratitude for each other (she's just plain awesome) and left.

But then, as with most Godly Wisdom, the perculating and marinating began. Living without lists. I thought about times when I felt too busy to even sit down and make a list...and things did get done. The important things did get done.

But not all lists are bad, are they?

So, I marinated some more about lists. I discovered there are good lists. They seem to fall into the checklist category. For example, I'll bet Tracy was pretty happy the pilot of her last airline flight followed a checklist! She wasn't asking him to live without lists. No way!!

I thought of our family packing list: the one that reminds me to pack the oil-free spray-on sunscreen when we go to Shaver Lake so my handsome, smile-will-light-up-the-room hubby isn't peeling like a lizard for weeks. Ew!

Then, I thought about grocery lists. I can honestly say that a grocery list organized by the Food4Less store layout and cross-referenced to weekly meal planning is a downright beautiful thing. It saves both time and money and that makes me feel good, not overwhelmed!

Aha! So maybe that's what Tracy's suggesting!!! I walk away from lists that contain optional nice-to-have tasks and projects that sound wonderful but, ultimately, leave me feeling overwhelmed. It appears that once these nice-to-haves are turned into a line-item on a list, they become a burden to my heart.

Today, I must complete paperwork for a brand new family that has volunteered to host a girl from Sweden. I need to drive to their home and complete the home interview. I don't need to put this on a list. I simply know it must be done today.

If I get some "free" time this afternoon, however, I would like to complete a page or two in my faithbook album. I have a personal goal to have that album up-to-date in 2008. This isn't on a list either. I just know I have this goal.

I also know I need to get a part-time hourly job; but I didn't visit Outlook and create a "Get a part-time hourly job" listing. It's just an important, need-to-be-working-on-it thing.

Okay. I think I'm seeing a pattern!! The 2x4 is making it's gentle connection with my head. And I love what my life feels like when I listen to Godly Wisdom. So, let's give it a try!!




***iced sugarfree cinnamon dolce breve latte, if you must know, what's yours?? No, I'm serious! Hit the comments button down below and tell me yours!!

The Evil of Beds that are Made Every Morning

Catchy title? I couldn't resist!!

After being encouraged (arm-twisting included) to start blogging; I'm realizing this is more of an art than a science. I'm feeling like a stranger in a strange land, for sure!!

So, after some eye-rolls and comments regarding the last post, I absolutely MUST qualify my comments.

Here it is: I do NOT think there's anything wrong with making the beds. As a matter of fact, I absolutely love it when the beds are made. Even better when there're clean sheets waiting underneath!!

The reason I used that example, however, is I've found that EVERYWHERE in life (it seems) are things we love for earthly reasons that take our attentions away from what God loves and, therefore, what He wants us to love.

What I know is this: Without Christ, I'm hideous.

And, when I found myself "barking" at my family in an attempt to get the house looking like the magazines...I realized an important truth about myself: Sometimes, in my hideousness, I momentarily forget about the preciousness of God's greatest love: His people. And in my impossible quest to be found perfect (or clever, or cute, or organized, or whatever) in the eyes of those who I admire, I miss the most important truth:

God created me to love. And I'm 100% sure that he created you to love, too. I know this because His word says so. Check out 1John 3:23.

So, when I get caught-up chasing something that the world says is SUPER-FANTASTIC and, in order to attain it, I try to steam-roller over people (especially my precious family), I hear the gentle whisper asking me to re-evaluate.

I share this here because God has given me a heart that hurts for those who continue to fish for that SUPER-FANTASTIC whopper of a lie (whatever the world has convinced them to admire) because I watch as they fish and fish...but the hook always surfaces empty and the cry of their heart is that their time feels wasted and lost.

If I have to choose between a perfect-looking house and a joyful-relaxed ease with the people God has placed around me...until I can manage to have both, I'll choose joy.

Perfection-Chasing vs Freedom

Today I return back to "normal" life after being away for BLISS with my family. We enjoyed 2 days at the Shaver cabin and 2 days at Asilomar and Pacific Grove. The highlight of our time together was kayaking off Lover's Point in Pacific Grove and viewing the Monterey Bay Aquarium from the ocean while sea lions and otters played around us.

Consequently, this morning, I found myself thinking about depression and times that I feel extremely anxious. Those of you that know me well have been with me when I'll draw a deep breath in and blow it out fast to fight off an anxious thought. I simply don't know what I would do without Jesus in my life, especially in these moments. I believe this is the way that God has shown me to "demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2Cor10:5

Lately, I've had clarity enough to really examine what's happening in my mind when these anxious thoughts hit. I'm seeing that, without exception, these moments are brought on by a freight train collission between what the world says I "should" be doing and what I've learned by becoming a disciple of Jesus. A bumbling learner.

Here's a recent freight train moment: We volunteered to have the 4th of July party at our home. This involved having lifelong family friends of my in-loves, my husband's best friend from childhood (travelled all the way from Orange County) and his family. Once again, the children under the age of 12 nearly outnumbered the adults and there were 38 guests in all. We readied the pool, the patio, the family room, the guest bath...for the COMFORT and ENJOYMENT of our guests.

At one point during the party, my mother-in-love's friend asked for a tour. I didn't realize that she'd never been to our home. I began the tour showing her the exchange student guest room (newly redecorated...thanks Tracy!) and took her to the guest bath and Brooke's room. Brooke had picked everything off her floor and I was thinking that her room was looking pretty nice; however, the friend was clearly shocked that the bed was not made and commented out loud about it. Her daughter (also on the tour) said something like: "Mom, she's a teenager, she probably just got out of the bed." Everyone laughed...except me. Oh, no. I knew she had 3 more bedrooms to see upstairs. And I knew each bedroom had the doors pulled closed and NONE had neatly made beds. Ashamed, I actually walked away and let my mother-in-love finish giving the tour to her friend.

I was HORRIFIED and suddenly propelled back to my perfection chasing days where...in order to prepare for an event of this magnitude...I would've screamed and yelled at my family all morning, barking orders and even crying that everything was not perfect. I would've finished my nervous breakdown just as the doorbell rang. At that point I would've thrown on my fake smile for the first to arrive. My precious family (the ones that I cherish the most) would've sat there battle-scarred for the first hour or so wondering what kind of bi-polar behavior they were witnessing; but no one would've ever dared to talk about it. God showed me years ago that this wasn't HIS way.

But now, in this moment, I was dealing with the fact that I hadn't forced everyone to make their beds that day and I hadn't bothered to make mine either. Anyway, I didn't make eye contact with the friend the rest of the day and evening. It was hard to think of much else except to see myself as some kind of failure. And I continued to feel sad about the thought that my mother-in-love probably was held to explain why her son's daughter doesn't keep the house nice.

This is the best news: But then I go to The Word and I SNAP OUT OF IT!! I "blow out" those standards imposed by well-meaning, loving, and yes, even Christian friends and live according to what God has told ME he wants for my life. Two verses immediately come to mind as God scoops me up into his loving hands and holds me. Matthew 11:29-30 says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." The other verse is a treasure to my life. Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

God has asked me (and you, let's be honest) to chase HIM, not the world's definition of perfect. He's asked me to be a loving wife and a loving mother, teaching and modeling HIM.

Somewhere along the line, God had shown ME that I couldn't have both. I couldn't have a home direct from the pages of "Country Living" magazine AND be gentle, humble in heart, rested, un-burdened and FREE of the world's slavery. Maybe someday, when there are no longer 3 and sometimes 4 kids running around our home I will go back to keeping everything perfectly tidy; but honestly, I don't want to be a woman that says (after the kids are gone), "I wish I would've spent more time playing Wii with my kids".

I'm not making the beds today, either. I will concentrate on the NEEDS. The suitcases will be unpacked. The clothes will be washed and folded. The dishes will be cleaned and ready for the next meal. I just finished walking for 30 minutes and doing weight resistence exercises for 20. My quiet time has produced this fruit and now a shower is well overdue. I'm in search of a part-time job where I can work hard while the boys are in school. I'm praying for a position that might open at Fresno State. (Pray with me for that, okay?) While the clothes are washing this morning, I will do my CM bookkeeping and make calls searching for families for exchange students. This afternoon, I will complete 2 more pages in my Faithbook. After that, I'll prepare the meal (fish tacos if you must know). I'll do these chosen NEEDS to serve God and the family he's given me.

Some will tell me, "I don't know how you do it all." And, instead of immediately thinking of everything I'm NOT doing and finding panic and anxiousness...I will "blow out" and think instead: "I can do ALL (necessary) things through Christ who strengthens me" and FREES me of the world's ball-and-chain of perfection-chasing to live a life of HIS easy yoke and light burden.

Right as a Verb?

Welcome to my new blog! I clearly felt led to create it this morning during my quiet time. Felt confirmed in doing it at small group this evening. Let's see what happens!!

Right as a Verb

In my "black and white" life, I've always thought of right being the opposite of wrong. There's wrong and there's right. Right?

This morning, I awoke determined to find the verse, "Let's enter His gates with thanksgiving". I found it (thank you Biblegateway.com) in Psalm 100. After reading it, and writing it as a first-person prayer in my journal, my mind focused on another verse. In a traditional celebration of communion I enjoy, the words are said,

"It is right to give our thanks and praise"

But then I had a moment of clarity where I felt the Lord speaking SO clearly to me and challenging me (as He always does) to think differently about His intentions.

When attending (not enjoying) communion in my twenties, I heard this phrase and thought, "Yes, it's the correct thing to do to be thankful and praise filled."

But this morning, I felt challenged to think of 'right' as verb, instead of an adjective.

Instead of RIGHT adjective; in accordance with what is good, proper, or just: right conduct.

I was to think of RIGHT verb; to put in proper order, condition, or relationship: to right a crookedly hung picture.

Taken directly from my quiet time journal: For me, suddenly, this morning "right" does not mean doing the proper thing--it means the verb "to right" like taking something that's fallen down and righting it. Suddenly I see a picture of a piece of art hanging crooked on the wall and a Sure and Gentle Hand carefully adjusting it until it sits straight again.

So, when I REthink "It is right to give our thanks and praise" I don't hear a bit of condemnation. Instead I hear: "When we give thanks and praise we feel the Master's hand gently adjusting us until our paths are straight and our relationships are in proper order with Him."