Priorities & God's Will

I'm thinking today about a precious new friend Rosi and a priceless friend Tracy.

Both are facing big turning points in their lives. Both are making choices according to God's will for their lives. I admire them both so much.

A really common question these days is, "How do I know God's will for my life?" Or, for those without a faith and devotion to Jesus, they say, "Life feels like it's spinning out of control, how do I know the true priorities for my life?"

I cannot answer this in entirety; I'm a seeker, just like you. But I can share with you what I've discovered in my own life and now watch in the lives of my devoted friends.

Years ago, Cheryl, another powerhouse woman I know shared something she'd heard at a women's conference that she thought was remarkable. The speaker there had shared that knowing our priorities is actually very simple: We just need to look first to all the things that ONLY WE were created to do and make sure we do those things first. I will add that we should also commit ourselves to do those things in the order in which they arrived in our lives.

And I will testify that following this simple formula has brought ABUNDANT blessings and OVERFLOWING peace to my life.

Here's how it works in my life. I was first created to be the daughter of a KING. That occurred at birth...no, conception...no, even before conception. I am not the ONLY daughter of the KING; however, I have been created one-of-a-kind. I'm the ONLY Linda Sue Wilson Locarnini Stephens born on December 21, 1964 at 8:15am. God's desire is that I accept my full inheritance (Matthew 25:34; Acts 20:32; Ephesians 1:18; Colossians 3:24; Galatians 4:4) as His adopted daughter and learn more every day about what it means to be fully His. That happened first, so that is my FIRST priority.

Next, He placed me in the care of two adults...my parents. Their competence at this task is irrelevant. (Exodus 20:12; Matthew 19:18) I am/was their ONLY child named Linda and, as this happened second, this is my SECOND priority.

Lots of stuff happened between birth and marriage; but it was stuff that happens to everyone and is common across people groups. There was really nothing, during this time, that was ONLY me.

So, the next thing to examine was marriage. For a time, I was my first husband's ONLY love. That should have placed him next in priority; but I did not know Jesus at this time in my life and I was a very self-serving person. I did not make him my next highest priority in life after my Father or parents and our marriage failed.

The temptation was this: I was a college graduate. I was not, however, the ONLY one. I was making LOTS of money in management; but I was not the ONLY one. I was a good employee...often exemplary; but, in retrospect, I was not the ONLY one created for these workplace tasks. Placing this as a higher priority than other areas where I was created to be the ONLY was toxic to my life and did not bring blessings; instead this brought further burdens multiplied on themselves.

I was left lonely.

My life began to turn around with my decision to be Derek's ONLY wife. Yes, he had a wife before and she was his daughter's ONLY mother (and still is). But now Derek and I made a commitment to be each other's ONLY spouse. This role became my THIRD priority.

Now, some of you will freak out right now saying, "A man should leave his [earthly] father and mother and a woman should leave her [earthly] father and mother and be joined together..." and I agree with you that, once you're an adult, parents should slip below the priority of your husband. That is, of course, if you are not the ONLY child they have. I'm probably creating controversy here; but I will clarify this in just a minute.

When we knew that God had given us Blake...and later Bryson...I discovered the joy of being their ONLY mother partnered with Derek, their ONLY father. My FOURTH priority. Here arrived a new temptation: I felt a very strong pull to make these precious babies my FIRST priority and I often slipped into this tempting behavior. And when I would behave this way, peace would drain away and be replaced by anything from discontent to all-all chaos.

When I would return to making my FIRST thing first and my SECOND thing second, my THIRD thing third, I would present my babies with a confident and loving, peace-filled mommy. Joy!

Being an acts of service lover and a words of affirmation lover, the workplace is/was a HUGE temptation for me. The workplace is where I can put my hands on something and it feels less redundant (making beds and doing dishes are SOOOO redundant) and more rewarding. And hearing "kudos" about work well done tempts me to make the workplace my FIRST priority. Again, each time I've done this, Peace has left me empty and lonely and often blaming and battling against my higher priority people because of those feelings. Only prayer and obedience to these Divine priorities has restored things right.

Now, I will clarify a time that earthly parents might become a higher priority than husband or wife.

These discovered natural priorities were REALLY put to the test in January of 2005. My mother lay dying in hospice care. The day nurses were competent; but the night staff was uncaring and not showing her the dignity my mother deserved. I will also share with you that she was embroiled (oooh, good word) in a spiritual battle while she lay in that hospital bed. Right around her birthday (January 11) I was told she had only days to live. Being her ONLY child, and with my husband's blessing, I resolved to stay with her and ensure her final days were honoring to her and were spent in full anticipation of Jesus.

But the battle continued. Although I was told she could live only days without food and water, she lived more than a week longer. On January 17, my sweet Bryson turned 4 and I cried my eyes out as I missed his birthday party. Many friends said, "You should go to your son's birthday party. How sad that Bryson will remember his party without his mommy."

Yes, I am Bryson's ONLY mommy; but I was also my mother's ONLY child. I prayed and journaled and struggled. In the end, I had to evaluate the critical role I played in each situation. As my father had died years earlier and my mother had no other relatives here, I was the ONLY one who could properly and legally advocate for my mother's care and dignity.

Bryson, on the other hand, was surrounded by many who would make his party outstanding and filled with love and smiles. There were many women (including Aunt Joy and friend Kelli) who loved and played with Bryson that day. I cried as I missed it; but felt peace in proper priorities. No, it didn't "feel right"; but I felt Divine confirmation.

My mother died on January 22, defying all the rules (as she did throughout her life) of how long someone can live without liquid, and I have full confidence that she joined all those surrounding Jesus in unending worship in Heaven.

Later, friend Kelli told me a story about Bryson's birthday party. Feeling sad my sadness in missing the event, Kelli had scooped Bryson into her arms and asked him, "Bryson, do you know how much your mommy loves you?" He quickly and confidently replied, "Yes! She loves me to Pluto and back 500 times!"

Bryson knew that in his head...and he knew that in his heart...because we had played that "I love you more" game every night for years. Turns out, my 4-year-old boy had NO concerns about my priorities. God, himself, I believe had reassured Bryson throughout the entire season. Another blessing for proper priorities!!

Today, I pray for Rosi and Tracy as they embrace these priorities even as the world tempts them to be swayed. They are putting FIRST first, SECOND second and THIRD third and I KNOW they will encounter trials and temptations and maybe even sadness and longing; but I also KNOW that their full commitment to their Divinely ordered priorities will ultimately bring them the best gift of all in this world of chaos...Peace reigning in their hearts and an outward expression of joy.

Go girls!!