I received wisdom about wondering versus worrying from one of my favorite song artists Ginny Owens. On track number 11 on the 'A Night in Rocketown' album, Ginny tells a story. She cites this verse which is now a favorite of mine and memorized: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers [and sisters], whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. [and] Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
After she shares this verse from memory with the live audience, she says that God told her through this verse how to have peace. She says that God specifically told her, "you can keep searching and you can just leave it in my hands; you can wonder; but you don't have to worry."
So, I'm a peace-filled expert when it comes to decision making now, right? No way!!
Let me walk you through how I made a recent BIG decision:
THE CONCERN
I had accepted a position at New Harvest Church as their Children's Ministry Program Coordinator. The job description was LOADED with things that God has gifted me with, and I LOVE the staff there!! I especially jump for joy about NHC focus on prayer!! Additionally, when I did the math, I learned that the 14 hour-per-week job would pay exactly $9 per month more than Quicken said we needed to cover our realistic budget. But with gas prices rising and everything getting more and more expensive, this $9 cushion left me feeling a little insecure. And I worried about those days that I would be scheduled to work and the kids would be out of school. Feeling relatively confident that God would cover these issues, I happily accepted the job when it was offered.
I was celebrating at a one-on-one lunch with my sweet pumpkin Bryson when [ring, ring] the phone rang. It was Copper Hills elementary and they wanted to know if I would like to come and work as a teachers' aide in their special education department. The position would be 4 hours per day (20 hours per week) and I would NEVER have to leave my kids at home alone because my work days would always match theirs.
STEP ONE: I called my very best friend and leader of our home, Derek. The panic in my voice was showing. He very predictably said, "Well, you made a promise to New Harvest when you said, 'Yes' and you need to keep that promise." I said, "But what if I made the wrong decision?" He replied that it didn't matter because a promise is a promise. Let me just say that this is one of the BIG reasons why I married Derek. I absolutely ADORE that he teaches us all about "making and keeping promises". But...
THE CHAOS
STEP TWO: I chose to throw myself into full-blown panic instead. I cried and said to God, "What do you want me to do?" It's important to note here that I heard nothing in return. In retrospect, I can see that God was probably saying, "You already heard Me when I spoke through your husband." But, instead of finding peace, I bought a ticket and went on a ride on the "what if" train. What if I was supposed to wait for the Copper Hills job??
STEP THREE: I called my friend Lisa and hysterically cried to her. I'm not over-exaggerating about the hysterics. She was so worried that she offered to stop what she was doing, drive over right then and there, and hug me. But a hug was NOT going to solve this problem. Lisa told me, "Of course, you need to pray about this."
STEP FOUR: I tried to go back to my normal life and avoid making the decision all together. This was, by far, the worst choice. I couldn't concentrate on anything.
STEP FIVE: I finally gave up and called our dear friends and accountability partners, Greg & Tracy. They were on vacation in Carmel. I didn't want to bother them; but this was becoming an emergency. Copper Hills wanted an answer that afternoon. I got the cell phone voice mail. Bummer! I left a semi-frantic message. Tracy called back. Collected information and said that she would "run this by Greg" and they would call back.
STEP SIX: I asked anyone and everyone their opinion. I'm sure if the UPS man would've stopped by, I would've asked him. It was chaotic. Each gave me a different answer. And none could provide the peaceful feeling I desired. I wanted to know THE answer.
STEP SEVEN: I prayed. I prayed that God would use His Spirit and His people to provide me with wisdom so that I could KNOW the right direction. Truthfully, this was the point where the frantic feeling began to leak out like air from a day-old balloon.
STEP EIGHT: Derek arrived home and we talked more about each option. He listened. He asked questions and he continued to provide a rock-solid determination that "a promise is a promise."
STEP NINE: Greg and Tracy called on speakerphone. After prayer and consideration Greg provided the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25. After being sure that I was familiar with the story, Greg & Tracy asked, "So, which job is the best investment of your talents?" The idea, Greg said, was to invest the "talents" that God had given me in a way that would cause The Master to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" Hearing this, I became 90% certain that God had already given me the talents*** and had already provided the place where He wanted me to invest them and had already provided a Godly husband to reassure me in all of this.
THE CONFIRMATION
STEP TEN: I hoped in my heart for further confirmation. Yes, I am actually this flawed!! I had all this and still, I wanted more confidence. Long story short: we then took Blake to register him for junior high. At one point in the process, the principal of Clovis North introduces himself to Blake and to Derek and me. Derek asks the principal where he might have seen him before. And the principal replies, "Well, I attend New Harvest church. Have I seen you there?" Derek and I just smile at one another. Small world? No way!! Big GOD!! We leave the building and call Greg & Tracy to share the non-coincidence.
STEP ELEVEN: Is this nuts? 11 steps? You bet!! At this point, I return home and curl up on the couch with a piece of paper and a pencil. I learned a tool in my professional life called a decision-making matrix. Even though the decision is now clear, I still create the matrix because I'm a visual learner and I want to clearly see and feel nothing but confidence. I'm SO grateful for a Father with patience. When I was finished, these were the results:
Does this tool intrigue you? Here's how it works: First, you write down every factor that has anything to do with your decision. These are the phrases I wrote in the first column above. Next, you assign a [L]ikelihood number (0-9) based on, "How likely is it that this good thing will happen if I make this choice?" Next, you assign an importance [V]alue (0-9) of how important this value is in your life. To get the final [S]core, multiply the [L]ikelihood by the [V]alue to arrive at a [S]core for each factor. Do this for each option in your decision. Finally, add the scores for each option and you'll see which option is best. In my case, the position at New Harvest Church scored 961 and the position at Copper Hills scored 724. Pretty clear!!
Now, let me be REALLY honest here. Once again, I see myself as the little wind-up toy running around bouncing off things in an effort to gain control (see my last story).
God had ALREADY provided the talents, direction and confirmation. For me, steps 2-11 were, basically, a waste of time, emotions and energy. But, I share them for two reasons: 1) I know I'm not alone in my poor approach to BIG decisions and 2) This experience has further cemented my belief and faith in God as THE perfect provider, protector and loving Father.
***Want to know your "talents"? Here's a website with a free test:
http://www.spiritualgiftstest.com/
