Breaking Away from the Father

Conversation in the car on the way to THREE schools this morning:


Blake: (Blowing his nose. A lot! He's getting over a cold. Feeling nervous to return to school after being out.)
Bryson: (Experiencing deep compassion for this brother) "Will you STOP that??!! You're giving me a headache with all that blowing!!"
Blake: "I can't help it!"
Mom: "Bryson, do you know the word 'compassion'?"
Bryson: "Yes."
Mom: "Bryson, what does the word compassion mean?"
Bryson: (Clearly the smartest 7 year old I've known) "Well, it means feeling for someone else instead of feeling for yourself"
Mom: "YES! Exactly! Wow! You do know what compassion means! Now, how might you show compassion right now for your brother?"
Bryson: "I can't! It's just too hard."
Mom: (Clearly demonstrating that sarcasm is my spiritual gift) "Bryson, how is it that you can be SUCH an only child in the midst of a big family?"

And that got me thinking...


Those of you that know me...know that I am an only child. So, when I see self-centered behavior and "call it" it's because I recognize it from pure personal experience.



In addition to having no siblings, my earthly father had some serious problems with alcohol. Ultimately, that I know of, he did not turn his life over to God before he died. This is a painful reality for me.



Watching my children respect and relate to an earthly father that has turned his life over to follow Jesus...and is not struggling with painful addictions is awesome beyond description. It's the biggest earthly gift I've received that I simply do not deserve. What grace!

After reading today's devotion from Charles Stanley for September 30, 2008. http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/in_touch/ I had a wonderful realization that I thought I'd share with you.

I did a talk recently where I shared that Values + Beliefs + Ideals + Commitment = YOUR priority. I stressed that it's difficult to live your life with honest and Godly priorities...if your values and beliefs are "jacked up". (Okay, I didn't really say, "jacked up" but our pastor uses this very fancy term sometimes on Sunday mornings and it always makes me sit up and listen more, and I thought it would just be a better attention getter than a simple word like "flawed". Which one do you like better? Flawed? or Jacked-up?)** Anyway, the idea here is the same one when I learned basic computer programming: if you put "Garbage In" you'll surely get "Garbage Out"

Now, to take this "out of the lecture and into the lab"...God combined the thought about what I had shared in my talk, with this morning's Charles Stanley devotion subject and the conversation in the car with Bryson and "BAM!"

This morning, I see clearly that, as an only child, my early value and belief was that independence was IT. It was "too hard" to be told what to do all the time, and especially by someone who made bad decisions sometimes. Add to this that my earthly father taught me that freedom was only available to those who took it by manipulation or thoughtful planning. And watching my mother submitting herself as a victim to Dad's misguided behavior made me resolve to be FULLY INDEPENDENT.

Now that I consider it more, I see that the media is also teaching us (and especially our children) and encouraging us every day to make INDEPENDENT decisions and be IN CONTROL.

And so it was, even after coming to know the Lord as the I AM, the Creator of everything and the Giver of all good things, Comforter, Healer....Who I wanted to give my life to...I still could not make Him my top priority as long as my highest values and beliefs were about being seen as SUCCESSFULLY INDEPENDENT.

Wow! So, imagine this with me: my earthly father has died. I've found hope and healing in my Heavenly Father. I'm praying "thy will be done, Lord," saying "Amen," and then opening my eyes and running off in a million frantic directions without Him. Day after day after day.

My motives were "good" according to what the world calls "good"; but now I know they were seriously flawed. (See? "jacked-up" is just better than "flawed" Oops, back to the story) I was determined to show God that He'd done a good job in teaching me some cool stuff; but He should be proud of me (like my understanding of what I wanted from my earthly father) as I break away and live a "good life" without Him.

You know what? When I'm listening to the enemy's lies, IT TRULY IS ALL ABOUT ME!! And who does God think He is, anyway, not blessing my plans and my success??? Can't He just be proud of me and then step back and watch?

Big Problem Discovered: As a teenager, breaking away from the earthly father was all I thought about. He would no longer control me. And my success, despite his control, would ultimately make him proud. It became my life's desire. And I also decided it would be how I measured success as an adult.

Did I find this success? Yes! Did I find joy? No. Ultimately, this life formula for success brought me confusion, loneliness and abandonment.

Then, God reached me. Fascinating: that I found Him everywhere I looked for Him, once I started looking.

But, after meeting Him, I unsuccessfully tried to apply my life's jacked-up "measure of success" to my relationship with Him. After fully discovering Him (in my early 30's) I thought I would get to know Him and then impress Him by how well I could apply His teaching away from Him.

Using my flawed belief system: I saw God as this Wisdom-Giver (which He Is) that I could run to when things weren't going well out there in INDEPENDENCE land. He would supply the Wisdom. I would thank Him. And then I would run off again to impress Him with my ability to apply His Wisdom well.

After reading Charles Stanley's devotional this morning, I see I'm in good company...all the way back to the beginning...Adam and Eve wanted to have what God had to give but believed the enemy's lie of INDEPENDENCE that they deserved all God's best AND self-centeredness.

So, you're telling me that the very thing I held in highest regard and valued the most: INDEPENDENCE is a lie!! Wow! That's harsh! But it sure explains a LOT of failure in my life where I was sure there should have been success.

So, now in my 40's, I'm trying to unlearn INDEPENDENCE as my highest value. And God has been gracious to show me that INTERDEPENDENCE is not where it's at either (as my college courses taught). That's another blog entirely about how depending on other humans for what you REALLY need doesn't work and just wears everyone out.

I'm living every day to decide each morning to throw away those broken values and beliefs and become hopefully, utterly and unashamedly DEPENDENT completely on our Father. And I'm experiencing the Truth that this Ultimate Father loves unendlingly, provides fully, comforts softly and restores completely.

So, now it's your turn. What are your highest values? And how are those values being played out in your life's priorities? Ask God today to reveal what's hidden (jacked-up) in the way you view Him. He WILL answer this prayer! (You might want to ask him at the same time for the courage to actually look at what's hidden, while you're at it. It might not be pretty.) And, just to reassure you, he probably won't answer your prayer in a booming voice from the sky. He'll answer it in circumstances and people around you. Be ready! Be watching!!

And join me in making each day a day where we choose NOT to believe lies so easily believed before and that we would allow God to change us that fewer and fewer lies would be retold.

So, I guess I'm no longer hoping that when I arrive in God's Perfect Presence, He'll say, "Well done, you successfully independent ladder-climber! I've been bragging about you to all the disciples. Were your ears burning?"

Instead, I want what the Bible promises. I want Him to say, as He said in Matthew 25, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share [MY] happiness!!"

**PS If you want to check out a Truth-telling Bible-believing Grace-dispensing church where the pastor actually uses the term "jacked up" to describe situations with flaws, join Derek and I as we attend New Harvest Church in Clovis, CA on Minnewawa between Herndon and Alluvial.

Building Lego Masterpieces

It occurred to me this morning that I shared Bryson's favorite thing: eating!! And more specifically, eating at Hometown Buffet, without sharing Blake's favorite thing.

So, to be fair and even, I must talk today about Legos.

Blake's newest excitement is Lego Factory. Blake wants to be a Lego designer when he grows up. So, it's awesome that Lego.com offers a download-able program called Lego Factory where kids can choose from a multitude of virtual Lego pieces to build...well...just about anything their mind can imagine. When they're done building their Lego model on screen, they can then design the packaging and purchase the thing!!

Here's a photo of Blake on the day when one of his Lego Factory sets arrived.

This got me thinking about Legos. They're so cool! You can take a pile of pieces and make whatever your mind can imagine.

Blake was showing me a 3,803 piece Lego set that provides everything needed to construct the Star Wars Death Star. He couldn't believe they actually made sets that large. He was beside himself with excitement. The set costs $399.99. I told him he better save his allowance.

But, thinking more about Legos caused me to have another of those "Aha!" moments with God.

Imagine with me 3 sets of people sitting in 3 groups in 3 different rooms. I move from room to room and hand each group of people their own separate, but identical, pile of 3,803 pieces.

But, to GROUP ONE, I give the finished-product picture of the Death Star along with the step-by-step instructions.

To GROUP TWO, I give only the picture of the finished product: The photo of the completed Lego Death Star.

To GROUP THREE, I give nothing except the pile of 3,803 pieces. And...no...the groups cannot see each other.

I return after 2 hours and visit each room. And what do I find?

It's pretty predictable, actually. GROUP ONE, with the photograph and step-by-step instructions, will have completed their Death Star or they'll be pretty close to completing it.

GROUP TWO, with the photograph and no instructions, will be struggling to complete random parts of the Death Star. And...they'll likely be more grouchy than the first group.

And GROUP THREE will have made something random and "cool"; but they'll also have a whole pile of leftover pieces!! And, they'll wonder what took me so long to return!

And so it is with life...taking us out of the lecture and into the lab...

I think about how I've related to the "photograph and step-by-step instructions" (aka Jesus and The Bible) over the years.

Sometimes, I've been like GROUP ONE. I see the picture of Jesus and I open the Bible and I follow the step-by-step instructions and my life reflects Him. It isn't an easy life; but the pieces keep falling into place and I have peace in knowing that I'm moving in the right direction.

Other times, however, I'm more like GROUP TWO. I choose to try to imitate the picture without instructions. These are times that I feel the greatest amount of tension in my life, interestingly enough. I want the picture! The goal is before me! But, instead of searching for and opening the instructions, I think I'm smart enough to get there on my own. I fail repeatedly and miserably; and I feel and appear hideous.

I've also lived GROUP THREE. In my high school and college years, I didn't know about the picture and I SURELY didn't open any instructions. I just wandered around bumping into people and situations. If I found a pile of "metaphorical Legos", I grabbed some pieces and threw them together until I made something that my friends would say was "cool". Never mind that there were LOADS of left-over pieces just lying there waiting to be made into something WAY better. I didn't know about better. I thought my life was "as good as it gets". I didn't care. And I didn't look.

Like building Lego sets, I think I'm seeing that there are 3 distinct ways we can respond to The Word.

Response #1 We can ignore its existence and try to please our environment without ever knowing or believing there's a better way. This approach makes me sad because I know that God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 to each of us individually is true when He says, "I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Response #2 We can acknowledge its existence; but believe that we don't really need it. We are strong enough to get there on our own, we think. I've lived this existence more than the others and I can testify that it's the most painful. You "just know" there's a better way; but you're not willing to sacrifice to get there. Here's what Jesus Himself taught (taken from The Message) "This story is about some of those people. The seed is the Word of God. The seeds on the road are those who hear the Word, but no sooner do they hear it than the Devil snatches it from them so they won't believe and be saved. The seeds in the gravel are those who hear with enthusiasm, but the enthusiasm doesn't go very deep. It's only another fad, and the moment there's trouble it's gone. And the seed that fell in the weeds—well, these are the ones who hear, but then the seed is crowded out and nothing comes of it as they go about their lives worrying about tomorrow, making money, and having fun." Luke 8:11-14

Response #3 We acknowledge that the Word contains both the Accurate Picture and the step-by-step instructions AND we acknowledge that just can't build anything worthwhile without Him and His Word. Guess what?? There's more to the story in Luke!! Here's how Jesus finishes the story in Luke 8:15 "But the seed in the good earth—these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest."

Want to build a super-cool Lego Death Star?

John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Life Imitating Word

Did you see the new quote in the title bar...over there on the left? I love it!! It's the new honorary sub-title of this blog: "Taking us out of the lecture and into the lab".

I think this quote speaks to me so completely (and I can't wait to read the book Captivating) because it describes EXACTLY how God teaches me the things I must know in my life.

And yes, it's worth saying right at the beginning today, that God is SO BIG he works differently in each of us based upon how He's created us. The reason I simply must stop to say this is: I don't want anyone out there to say, "I need to do things the way Linda does them." On the contrary!! I share what works in me in a hope that you might look inside you and see what works just for you.

Back to this topic, here's a tidbit that might shock you: I find reading the Bible only marginally interesting. Pretty "Ho hum" actually.

Yes, you read that right.

What I've discovered to be exciting beyond measure, however, is studying the Bible. Reading just one verse and then asking God to show me what's going on and how it relates specifically to my life.

Sometimes, when I ask this, I'll feel led to do more research on the words and their original Greek and Hebrew meaning. I know!! I'm a word geek!!! It's hopeless! I just get downright excited about the wisdom and meaning that are power-packed into those words.

But other times, God will show me something in my surroundings. And that picture, or moment "hits me like a 2 x 4" to teach me more about His meaning and desire for my life. And isn't that what we're all looking for anyway??

Case in point: HomeTown Buffet.

No, I'm not doing an advertisement for HomeTown Buffet; but I must say, this place is my son, Bryson's favorite restaurant. This kid never stops eating! I'm serious! I can't get the older ones to eat...and I can't get my 7-year-old to stop! So, there you go, HomeTown Buffet is his favorite.

During a recent time in my life, I was asking God for more information about the fruit of the Spirit as listed in Galatians 5: 22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Specifically, I remember asking why this fruit existed in such small and inconsistent amounts in my life.

I should share that, during this same time in my life, I was separately battling my hypoglycemia diet. I was once-again angry that the things I craved so intensely were the things that were making me SO tired, irritable and sick. Every book and every doctor said the same thing: more protein and complex carbs; fewer sugars and simple carbs.

And then came the "2 x 4 over the head". BAM!

I saw a very clear picture of someone holding a tray with a large plate on it, moving through the lines of a buffet.

Have you ever given any thought to the consistent design of any buffet line? Think about the stuff that's offered first and quickly: melon slices, gelatin in several colors, cottage cheese, potato salad, macaroni salad...

Let's explore the possibility that maybe life is like "pushing your tray" through a giant decades-long buffet line.

The picture I saw showed someone who, upon arriving at the buffet, filled their plate to overflowing with the high-carb, sugary, empty calorie foods that are offered at the beginning.

After sitting down and gorging themselves on what they had taken, there really wasn't any room for main dishes. So, they slapped a piece of fried chicken on the plate to justify dessert and then made a bee-line to the soft-serve ice cream and fudge sauce!

Uh, oh...[Camera angle change]...and...BAM! (there's that pesky 2 x 4 again) The person holding the tray is me!!

Derek often coaches me about the size of my "plate" and that I need to careful about what I put on it. When I say to him, "I want to start doing X..." He says, "Okay, what things will you remove from your plate so that you can do X?"

Hmmm....recurring metaphors about plates....Leaders trying to teach me despite my stubborn resistance....

And then God hit a home run with this word picture! His home run (His message to me in my life at this time) was this: If you want your life to overflow the fruit of the Spirit, you must say, "No thank you!" to those multi-colored gelatin, macaroni-salad kinds of temptations that come first and fast in the buffet line of your life. You must, instead, pass by what feels good in the short term, in order to have My best for your life.

Practical Example: Someone shares juicy gossip (green gelatin)? Say, "No, thank you!" and keep "pushing your tray" past it to the place where there's love and peace (broiled chicken and steamed asparagus).

Another example: Let's say someone hurts your feelings or even humiliates you? Will you put a heaping portion of angry rage (macaroni salad) on your tray...leaving no room on "your plate" for what will fill you most completely? No way!! Instead, you'll say, "No, thank you!" and keep "pushing your tray" to the place where the Spirit offers gentleness and self-control (grilled fish and green beans).

Here's another important tidbit: We must push our trays past the temptation, but NEVER past the precious person. It's the temptation we say, "No, thank you" to; NOT the person.

Using my mind and strength, saying, "No, thank you" to the potato chips and soda...and, "Yes, please" to the strawberries and tea, has brought the blessings of energy, ability to persevere and positive outlook.

In my heart and soul, saying, "No, thank you" to anger, jealous comparisons, perfectionism and gossip...and saying, "Yes, please" to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, has brought...hmmm....would you look at that?! It's actually brought increased amounts of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to my life.



"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30